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Full time Stepmum In Need of Support
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 108291" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>G'day, Mins. You have a lot of issues here combining to make you feel overwhelmed. I hate to think how this girl is feeling, no wonder she's misbehaving (I hate the term 'acting out').</p><p></p><p>ODD - yes, I can see that she would fit the profile. The thing is, there are many reasons she could fit the profile, a lot of them unrelated. I wouldn't be pushing for a diagnosis of ODD; rather, I would be pushing for someone to evaluate her thoroughly and give you some support and suggestions on how to help her. I think that is what you want, too.</p><p></p><p>For those not from Australia - we have a good health care system, even though it's somewhat overwhelmed in places and inadequate in others. In general, we do OK and because it's mostly government funded, we have much cheaper access to a lot of good things.</p><p></p><p>BUT - as far as I know, we do not have such an animal as a neuropsychologist. Most kids with learning problems or behavioural problems are referred by a GP to a pediatrician, preferably one who is experienced with these sort of problems. Also, there is no age limit on patients, if they began seeing the pediatrician while they were still under age. My middle two saw the pediatrician today, and they are 23 and 21, respectively.</p><p></p><p>Mins, you may already know this, but here are some perks of our health care system and how to get them:</p><p>If you can get your GP to write a Health Care Plan for your stepdaughter (in other words, if no other GP has done this for a year previously, I think it is) then you can ask the GP to also include in that Health Care Plan a bracket of psychology sessions. You would need to find a psychologist in your area who is registered for this and who is known to be good with this sort of age group and range of issues, but it shouldn't be too difficult. Then you can get the help she needs, bulk-billed by Medicare.</p><p>This would be therapy only, not psychometric assessment. Ask the GP, but I don't think you can get assessment under a Health Care Plan.</p><p></p><p>You can also get other services this way, such as Occupational Therapy, Speech Therapy, a number of other possibilities.</p><p></p><p>There is some paperwork involved and I think you need a GP who you see regularly personally, rather than just anybody in a clinic-based practice. But I think she needs that degree of continuity anyway.</p><p></p><p>She may have an underlying learning problem such as ADHD, or this may all be down to the problems she's been going through in sequence all her life; her parents break-up, her sister's illness and death, her being pulled from pillar to post and seemingly rejected by her mother, the inconsistent parenting and now a baby brother who on the one hand may be replacing her and who on the other hand she may fear for.</p><p>You need expert help to sort this one out.</p><p></p><p>My feeling - if she IS ADHD, then this is just the icing on the cake for the poor kid. She's also got a lot of history to resolve and soon, because the older she gets the more set in the bad ways of thinking she gets and the harder it is to bring about positive change. If it's bad now, it's worse when she's a teen. Fix what you can now, is my advice.</p><p></p><p>There is help available. There is also support at school available. If you browse this site you will learn about things like IEP, support funding, teachers aides etc. This is not limited to the US, we have them here in Australia too. Our educational system is very similar, in terms of support available and how to get it. Just different names, in some cases.</p><p></p><p>But first things first - she needs a diagnosis. If there's no actual disorder, she at least should have the label of (whatever-they-call-it) "kid who has been through purgatory and needs to be managed differently". Maybe a certain amount of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, involving the death of her sister and the upheaval in her life in other ways.</p><p></p><p>You've had "The Explosive Child" recommended - good. Get it out of the library fast and read it. If you can, get your husband to read it. If he says he hasn't got the time or just can't 'get into it', then either summarise it for him so he can understand it (which will consolidate it in your mind for you) or ask me (via PM) for a copy of my summary (written for my husband).</p><p></p><p>It sounds to me like you need to find another discipline method, you and husband. Forget everyone else for now, you need to get yourselves into something you can make work, then expand from there. This book can help. It certainly helped us. But as you noted, your current methods won't work for much longer. You need a discipline method that will work; that you can administer without causing concern to authorities; something where you win every battle and eventually, something where she learns to manage for herself (ultimate goal for all parents).</p><p></p><p>I'm based in Sydney but move around a bit. PM me if you want to make personal contact at all, although I am not a stepmum so I mightn't be much help there. I might be able to help with some names if you need it. The PM is to help you (and me) maintain confidentiality, it is important here so you can feel free to vent without fear of someone (such as teachers, doctors, administrators) realising you might be venting about THEM!</p><p></p><p>And welcome. This is a good place to get help and support.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 108291, member: 1991"] G'day, Mins. You have a lot of issues here combining to make you feel overwhelmed. I hate to think how this girl is feeling, no wonder she's misbehaving (I hate the term 'acting out'). ODD - yes, I can see that she would fit the profile. The thing is, there are many reasons she could fit the profile, a lot of them unrelated. I wouldn't be pushing for a diagnosis of ODD; rather, I would be pushing for someone to evaluate her thoroughly and give you some support and suggestions on how to help her. I think that is what you want, too. For those not from Australia - we have a good health care system, even though it's somewhat overwhelmed in places and inadequate in others. In general, we do OK and because it's mostly government funded, we have much cheaper access to a lot of good things. BUT - as far as I know, we do not have such an animal as a neuropsychologist. Most kids with learning problems or behavioural problems are referred by a GP to a pediatrician, preferably one who is experienced with these sort of problems. Also, there is no age limit on patients, if they began seeing the pediatrician while they were still under age. My middle two saw the pediatrician today, and they are 23 and 21, respectively. Mins, you may already know this, but here are some perks of our health care system and how to get them: If you can get your GP to write a Health Care Plan for your stepdaughter (in other words, if no other GP has done this for a year previously, I think it is) then you can ask the GP to also include in that Health Care Plan a bracket of psychology sessions. You would need to find a psychologist in your area who is registered for this and who is known to be good with this sort of age group and range of issues, but it shouldn't be too difficult. Then you can get the help she needs, bulk-billed by Medicare. This would be therapy only, not psychometric assessment. Ask the GP, but I don't think you can get assessment under a Health Care Plan. You can also get other services this way, such as Occupational Therapy, Speech Therapy, a number of other possibilities. There is some paperwork involved and I think you need a GP who you see regularly personally, rather than just anybody in a clinic-based practice. But I think she needs that degree of continuity anyway. She may have an underlying learning problem such as ADHD, or this may all be down to the problems she's been going through in sequence all her life; her parents break-up, her sister's illness and death, her being pulled from pillar to post and seemingly rejected by her mother, the inconsistent parenting and now a baby brother who on the one hand may be replacing her and who on the other hand she may fear for. You need expert help to sort this one out. My feeling - if she IS ADHD, then this is just the icing on the cake for the poor kid. She's also got a lot of history to resolve and soon, because the older she gets the more set in the bad ways of thinking she gets and the harder it is to bring about positive change. If it's bad now, it's worse when she's a teen. Fix what you can now, is my advice. There is help available. There is also support at school available. If you browse this site you will learn about things like IEP, support funding, teachers aides etc. This is not limited to the US, we have them here in Australia too. Our educational system is very similar, in terms of support available and how to get it. Just different names, in some cases. But first things first - she needs a diagnosis. If there's no actual disorder, she at least should have the label of (whatever-they-call-it) "kid who has been through purgatory and needs to be managed differently". Maybe a certain amount of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, involving the death of her sister and the upheaval in her life in other ways. You've had "The Explosive Child" recommended - good. Get it out of the library fast and read it. If you can, get your husband to read it. If he says he hasn't got the time or just can't 'get into it', then either summarise it for him so he can understand it (which will consolidate it in your mind for you) or ask me (via PM) for a copy of my summary (written for my husband). It sounds to me like you need to find another discipline method, you and husband. Forget everyone else for now, you need to get yourselves into something you can make work, then expand from there. This book can help. It certainly helped us. But as you noted, your current methods won't work for much longer. You need a discipline method that will work; that you can administer without causing concern to authorities; something where you win every battle and eventually, something where she learns to manage for herself (ultimate goal for all parents). I'm based in Sydney but move around a bit. PM me if you want to make personal contact at all, although I am not a stepmum so I mightn't be much help there. I might be able to help with some names if you need it. The PM is to help you (and me) maintain confidentiality, it is important here so you can feel free to vent without fear of someone (such as teachers, doctors, administrators) realising you might be venting about THEM! And welcome. This is a good place to get help and support. Marg [/QUOTE]
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