Fuming! LONG

AllStressedOut

New Member
I did email prior to school starting, she just didn't reply until last night. Because she replied last night, I knew she was aware today of his allergies. When we did "meet the teacher" last Friday before school starting, I spoke with her about his diet then too. I also filled out a half sheet of paper stating he was only to eat what we provided due to food allergies. In addition to all of this, I emailed the principal in June about him and she replied when she got back in August and we emailed back and forth about it once last week, prior to school starting. When I dropped off the banana bread and pumpkin bread in the front office, the nurse already knew me by name and spoke with me about medications, which I can only assume is because the principal made her aware of my difficult children special needs.

Kathy, I like your idea of taking out the old school references. When dealing with the old school I just knew I was getting the "complainer" label. I really am not a complainer, but I do have a back bone, especially where my kids are concerned.
 

Kathy813

Well-Known Member
Staff member
I also agree with the posters above who suggested working with your difficult child to teach him to say no to certain foods (although it must be very hard for a 7 year old to understand why he can't have a cupcake ~ I would have trouble saying no to that myself). Seriously, though, the reality is that no one can watch your child every second of the day while he is at school just like you can't watch him every second that he is at home.

This situation was different of course. It will be interesting to see how the teacher responds. Keep us updated.

~Kathy
 

AllStressedOut

New Member
Alright, here is the most recent version, school references deleted and spaces inserted. I know, I know, I'm still obsessing! It is OKAY to ignore me! I may skip sendint it all together and just show up in the morning with him in tow and his most recent picture taken at the beginning of summer. Walk to the nurse and show her, then walk to his teacher and show her and say "difficult child said he was given a cupcake and capri sun yesterday. Notice anything wrong?"

"difficult child's face looked a little puffy this afternoon so I asked him if he had eaten anything that he wasn't supposed to and he said Sean gave him a cupcake and you gave him a capri sun. He also has an upset stomach. I'm puzzled as to how this could happen. I was very specific that he has had allergic reactions to an unknown food, cake was even a food I listed as a possible culprit. I explained he breaks out in hives and his face swells.

We spoke last night about getting the 504 done quickly to cover this. Just in case, I was very specific that he only eat foods we send and that he even be watched closely in the lunchroom to avoid him sneaking foods. I'm baffled, with all of this communication, some just last night, why he was given a cupcake and capri sun during class today. If his behavioral problems were after consuming this food, his blood sugar level could have attributed to them.

While the neuropsychologist may have changed his conduct disorders, the blood test that showed he is a reactive hypoglycemic is still accurate.

I'm trying not to get overly upset over this, but I honestly feel if this were your child, you would be upset this happened.

I have explained to difficult child about his diet and his most recent allergic reactions, but as much as I explain, he would prefer to eat the treat. This is why I was so specific in my email to you.

In an email Ms. Principal sent me last week, she suggested that we not have the 504 meeting this week because of how busy the first week is for the teachers, this is why I suggested dates next week.

Until we discover his food allergy and let you know it is okay, please do not give difficult child any food or drink items besides plain water with no flavoring/carbonation/coloring. If a goody bag is given, please be sure to check it for candy/gum, anything that can be eaten or drank, prior to giving it to him. I will bring you some toy treats to give difficult child for days that others celebrate birthdays with food and drinks. If you would prefer for me to make up goody bags for him, to make it more in line with a birthday celebration, I can do that too.

Please know that I'm just trying to take care of my son. If a substitute is present, please be sure they know this about difficult child as well. I'm sorry this email is so lengthy, but I don't know what else to do besides explain as much as possible.

Please understand, this is for his health and safety and when he misbehaves he gets into trouble both at school and home, he doesn't like being in trouble, so ultimately it's for his happiness as well. I just want him to be safe, healthy and happy, when he is at home and at school."
 

Kathy813

Well-Known Member
Staff member
The email sounds good. Personally, I think that the email would be better than showing up and shoving your child in her face. Seems a little too aggressive to me. Besides, the teacher might be preoccupied with hall duty, bus duty, or just trying to get ready for the day and wouldn't be able to give you her full attention. I think that the email gets your point across by being polite yet assertive.

JMO.

~Kathy
 

Hound dog

Nana's are Beautiful
I think Kathy's giving you sound advice. And I agree, I like the last email MUCH better. Kill em with kindness dear. It always pays off.

I'd be really upset too. Allergic reactions are nothing to mess with. But I'd be inclined to give the teacher a chance to learn from her mistake before realling going off. Your son does have to spend the school year with her.

Hugs
 

tiredmommy

Well-Known Member
We didn't go through the classroom teacher with Duckie's food restrictions... we went through the school nurse and had it drawn up as a 504. All correspondence cc:d the nurse. Expectations were explicitly clear. I made sure the nurse understood the peculiarities of Duckie's situation then I spoke with the classroom teacher. Specifically, it stated that Duckie was to be given nothing to eat or drink (except water) unless supplied by me or approved by me for each occurrence. Does your son carry an epipen? Facial swelling can lead to airway obstruction and be deadly in some situations.
 

AllStressedOut

New Member
Obsessing again, for the billionth time. Again, I give you FULL permission to ignore me. I changed the email again, this time I'm even more nice. I'm trying so hard to make this new school work!

"difficult child's face looked a little puffy this afternoon so I asked him if he had eaten anything that he wasn't supposed to and he said Sean gave him a cupcake and you gave him a capri sun. He also has an upset stomach. I'm puzzled as to how this happened after you read my previous email. I did say in my email that he has had allergic reactions to an unknown food, cake was even a food I listed as a possible culprit. I explained he breaks out in hives and his face swells. If in the morning he is still swollen I will need to give him Benadryl. This will mean he may be hyper or fidgety during class, typically he reacts differently to medication than most kids. He may also be sleepy, but I wanted to warn you just in case, either way.

I did ask that he only eat foods we send and that he even be watched closely in the lunchroom to avoid him sneaking foods. I'm baffled about him being given food today. If his behavioral problems were after consuming this food, his blood sugar level could have attributed to them.

While the neuropsychologist may have changed his conduct disorders some, the blood test that showed he is a reactive hypoglycemic is still accurate.

I'm trying not to get overly upset over this, but I honestly feel any parent would be upset if this had happened to their child after such a detailed email.

I have explained to difficult child about his diet and his most recent allergic reactions, but as much as I explain, he would prefer to eat the treat. This is why I was so specific in my email.

In an email Ms. Principal sent me last week, she suggested that we not have the 504 meeting this week because of how busy the first week is for the teachers, this is why I suggested dates next week.

Please do not give difficult child any food or drink items besides plain water with no flavoring/carbonation/coloring. If a goody bag is given, please be sure to check it for candy/gum, anything that can be ate or drank, prior to giving it to him. If its okay, I can bring you some toy treats to give difficult child for days that others celebrate birthdays with food and drinks. If you would prefer for me to make up goody bags for him, to make it more in line with a birthday celebration, I can do that too.

Please know that I'm just trying to take care of my son. If a substitute is present, please be sure they know this about difficult child as well. I'm sorry this email is so lengthy, but I don't know what else to do besides explain as much as possible.

Please understand, this is for his health and safety and when he misbehaves at school he gets into trouble both at school and home, he doesn't like being in trouble, so ultimately it's for his happiness as well. I just want him to be safe, healthy and happy, when he is at home and at school as I'm sure you do as well. You have enough on your plate with a full classroom of 2nd graders without adding allergic reactions and behavioral problems to the mix.

Thanks for understanding and taking care of my son while he is at school."

Again, if you made it through this, you deserve an medal/metal :bow:...geez my brain is fried.
 

AllStressedOut

New Member
TM, no he does not carry an epi pen. Never had allergies that we knew of until this summer. When he snuck food on vacation I tried to explain to him it could kill him. I explained what it means when you swell and how it can affect your breathing. I also explained that if it happened at night time, husband and I wouldn't realize it and we'd wake up to him gone. I've tried to make it sink in with him, but nothing does. He is only 7, but he is my most difficult difficult child. If it were one of my other two difficult children, they would have said, no thank you, I can't eat that. In fact, my oldest difficult child asked me today if he could eat orange jello in the cafeteria. LOL

I told husband it was going to be a long night for me because I'd be up checking on difficult child.
 

tiredmommy

Well-Known Member
You need to get these episodes documented by taking him to the pediatrician, emergency room or urgent care. Take photos. You also want him to be seen by a pediatric allergist and have him tested. You're flying blind until you have some idea of what is causing this.
 

meowbunny

New Member
If this school has an allergy table, definitely have your son sit there. I know at most schools, the teachers eat lunch at the same time the kids do and there are usually just volunteers to watch the kids with maybe one staff person. I don't think there is any way a child who sits in the general populance can be watched to not sneak food. Just is a physical impossibility.

I had a lot of food allergies as a child, dairy products being real high on my list. I now have some deadly allergies as an adult. Even now I'll sneak some milk on occasion, no matter what my reaction. I just make sure I have nothing planned the next day because I know I'll be incapacitated. As a child, I would sneak ice cream every chance I got. My mom would always know cause I'd be sick as a dog for the next two days. I knew it would get me violently ill. I didn't care. It was good stuff! As kids, sometimes we just don't care what will happen later, just what makes us happy now.
 

AllStressedOut

New Member
We want him tested by an allergist, but we're waiting for approval through our GP because we have an HMO. I love insurance! *rolling my eyes* I believe the GP said he has to see the reaction prior to referring him for an allergy test. When we took him in July, all the rash was gone from taking benadryl. I'm going off what husband said he got out of the appointment, I wasn't there. I have my moms nice digital camera here for picture taking in the morning. I will be doing that first thing if hes swollen.

by the way, I changed the email again, but I'll refrain from driving you all nuts with my obsessing. I'm sending it now! Thanks for all of your advice/input!
 

weaselqt

New Member
Definitely go speak to the teacher AND nurse AND principal AND cafeteria manager in the morning. They all need to know this because there could be a substitute teacher one day and she would not know and a party could happen on that day or he may get special treatment in the cafeteria if they serve something he cannot eat. Also, sending his snacks is very wise - but you should not be required to send snacks for his entire class. Is there something you can send that is non-perishable for him? Something to keep on hand in instances like this?

I agree that you should be assertive - not aggressive. Tell them it could have been worse if it were peanut allergy - and that this is serious for your child.

Since I work in the school and we have children on a variety of restricted diets - EVERYONE knows. Other teachers will find out, which is EXCELLENT for your child.

Be an advocate and let them know.

Good luck! and don't fret - you will be fine (but that teacher was very wrong!)
 

AllStressedOut

New Member
Okay, I can't help it. Since I'm awake and still obsessing, I'm going to post the final email I sent. I can't change it now, but I tried to make it as nice and as clear as a I could. I made the subject line difficult child allergies/504 URGENT so hopefully she reads it first thing. I am still going back and forth about taking it to the nurse/principal and so on now. I definately see the reasoning, but then I think, its day 3 of this new school and I'm going to make this teacher my 1st enemy. I am going to stay up and keep checking on him through out the night. One thing I realized is that I have never noticed his allergy immediately until today. Today was the first time I saw swelling in his face on the same day, rather than the next day. Granted, his face wasn't as swollen as it has been the 2nd day in the past, but it was swollen enough that I knew he ate something he wasn't supposed to. He was also late getting to the van this afternoon after school because he was in the bathroom and he had stomach problems tonight as well. Okay, here goes with the final version. I hope I covered it all!

"difficult child's face looked a little puffy this afternoon so I asked him if he had eaten anything that he wasn't supposed to and he said Sean gave him a cupcake and you gave him a capri sun. He also has an upset stomach. I'm puzzled as to how this happened after my previous email. I did say in my email that he has had allergic reactions to an unknown food, cake was even a food I listed as a possible culprit. I explained he breaks out in hives and his face swells. If in the morning he is still swollen I will need to give him Benadryl. This will mean he may be hyper or fidgety during class, typically he reacts differently to medication than most kids. He may also be sleepy, but I wanted to warn you just in case, either way. :bravo:

I did ask that he only eat foods we send and that he even be watched closely in the lunchroom to avoid him sneaking foods. I am upset that he was given food today. If his behavioral problems occurred after consuming this food, his blood sugar level could have contributed to them.

I'm trying not to get overly upset over this, but I honestly feel any parent would be upset if this had happened to their child after such a detailed email. :crazy:

I have explained to difficult child about his diet and his most recent allergic reactions, but as much as I explain, he would prefer to eat the treat. :rolleyes: This is why I was so specific in my email.

In an email Ms. Principal sent me last week, she suggested that we not have the 504 meeting this week because of how busy the first week is for the teachers, this is why I suggested dates next week.

Please do not give difficult child any food or drink items besides plain water with no flavoring/carbonation/coloring. If a goody bag is given, please be sure to check it for food/drink, anything that can be eaten or drank, prior to giving it to him. If its okay, I can bring you some toy treats to give difficult child for days that others celebrate birthdays with food and drinks. If you would prefer for me to make up goody bags for him, to make it more in line with a birthday celebration, I can do that too.

Please know that I'm just trying to take care of my son. If a substitute is present, please be sure they know this about difficult child as well. I'm sorry this email is so lengthy, but I don't know what else to do besides explain as much as possible. :warrior:

Please understand, this is for his health and safety and when he misbehaves at school he gets into trouble both at school and at home. He doesn't like being in trouble, so ultimately it's for his happiness as well. I just want him to be safe, healthy and happy, when he is at home and at school, as I'm sure you do as well.

Thanks for understanding and taking care of difficult child while he is at school. :rolleyes:"

:whew:
 
F

flutterbee

Guest
I would keep it between just you and the teacher this time. If it happens again, then I would address it with the principal. If you go to the principal without giving the teacher a chance to address it, you will probably be on your way to a hostile relationship between you and this teacher...and maybe even with the principal.
 

AllStressedOut

New Member
That’s what I'm thinking, but then my old principal, prior to the evil one who started last year, would say "If something happens between you and a teacher, I need you to BCC me on the email correspondence. This way, if something happens later on, you have already raised a red flag with me and I can be on the look out." I agree with her reasoning, but not everyone does and I have no clue what the new principal would prefer.

I am also concerned that difficult child will manage to get food with a substitute, another 2nd grade teacher, the cafeteria, another kid, another parent, whomever and I'll be out of luck because I didn't take it further this time.

On top of this, I'm worried if difficult child was already reacting today, that tomorrow is going to be awful and he is going to need to stay home and go to the pediatrician. He has his first psychiatrist appointment with the new doctor tomorrow too.

Maybe keeping him home and writing the note to excuse the absence will be a good kick in the but* and keep the teacher from doing it again. Write something like "Please excuse difficult child from school today. He had a severe allergic reaction to unapproved food that was given to him during class yesterday. He needed to go to the doctor and had to be watched for breathing difficulties. Thank you." GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!
 
F

flutterbee

Guest
You said on another thread that the principal at your old school was horrible - and you changed schools because of her, so I wouldn't gauge anything based on that experience.

I would give this teacher the opportunity to address this without involving her boss. You have the emails back and forth between you and the teacher from before today, plus the email you sent tonight and any response you get from that should you need some documentation.

You deal with your difficult child day in and day out. While you understand how serious this is and tried to communicate that to the teacher, if she hasn't had any experience with it she may not have really gotten it. I'd give her the benefit of the doubt this time.
 

AllStressedOut

New Member
No no, the principal before the evil one. I loved her. The evil one is the reason we left the old school. The one before her retired, she came to court during custody battles on her own time after retiring to speak on our behalf. I just love her to pieces!
 
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