Fun with Underpants!

[DaisyFace]

As you all know, doctor has asked us to implement a behavior chart for difficult child.

So, one of the "responsibilities" we have assigned to difficult child is "hygiene"--specifically changing clothes and underwear every day and wearing clean clothes and underwear every day.

This week, difficult child only changed her underclothes twice. I know this because she left the nasty balled-up undies on her bedroom floor where the dog found them and proceeded to chew up one pair....and I intercepted before she got to the other pair.

OK. Whatever. BUT--when the "hygiene" category was scored on the behavior chart, difficult child lost points for wearing dirty underclothes.

Today--I found seven pairs of perfectly clean underwear in difficult child's laundry basket waiting to be washed.

O yes, cause Mom can't figure out that these weren't actually worn....and so difficult child is sure to get credit for wearing clean underpants all week long.

Good one!

LOL!!! Gotta love the way these kids think!

--DaisyFace

 

[Marguerite]

That's definitely one to tell the therapist.

So what is going to be your criterion for identifying the undies as clean? Because she's trying to second-guess you, it seems it's easier to do that than to do what she is supposed to do. If you tell her you will apply the sniff test, I hate to think what she will try to do to the undies to 'prove' to you that she did wear them (when she didn't).

She needs to know - this is NOT a game, this is life. and preparation for life and living independently. The object of the game isn't to put one over on your mother, it's to learn how to live like a decent human being, and not a slob.

In other words - mom isn't the object of the game, she's merely the referee. At this point. The time will come when she has to deal with many referees at one time, who she will not know ahead of time and will not be ale to con. People who won't care one iota about her, but who won't tolerate this behaviour and who will judge her adversely for it.

Marg

 

[TerryJ2]

Very cute!
Unfortunately, my kids have done the same thing ... with-the dog reaping the benefits. Ew.

 

[KTMom91]

It's amazing how difficult this lesson can be to difficult children of all ages. About 10 years ago, I taught an employment prep class to "adults with various barriers to employment." In my intro, I was very specific on what one needed to do to make a good impression...

Take a bath. Put on deodorant. Wear clean clothes. Comb your hair. Brush your teeth. Gentlemen, either be clean shaven or have your facial hair trimmed neatly. Perfume or after shave will not hide the fact you did not bathe, and your interviewer may be allergic, so if you must wear some, keep it light.

And we went over it again, and again...

 

[Andy]

That is a good one! So, did you sigh, giggle, or grrrrr?

I wonder if a more structured (notice how I tend to overuse this word? I love it!) guideline for her to follow is in order? An exchange system - you give her one clean pair of underwear and she drops her dirty ones in the basket while you watch?

I know this would add one more thing that you have to do. However, it would not be a forever thing. After a few weeks, she may (I was going to put "will" but we know that isn't always reasonable to bet on) get into the habit of changing and you can say, go ahead and put the dirty ones in the basket, I will check it later.

Get her a pack of variety underpants where no two are alike. The dirty one she gives back will not even look like the clean one you gave her. No sniff test needed - I would do anything to get out of doing a sniff test!

Our puppy has chewed up more of difficult child's than I want to think about. A sigh and grrrr for me!

 

[agee]

Of course my difficult child is younger than yours, but earlier this week apparently he peed in his pants (not sure why or when this happened - he wouldn't give us a straight story) - didn't change, slept in peed-in undies (undiscovered by us at night because he lost his bedtime story due to screaming at us at bedtime), took a shower the next day and put back ON peed-in undies, only to be discovered that night by his disgusted dad who'd sat down in bed with him to read a story.
*Sigh*

 

[Shari]

Are her undies different enough that you can check which ones she's wearing while they are on her? Do an underwear check every day so you can see that she indeed has on a different pair?

 

[ML]

These kids are nothing if not smart. Can you imagine if they focused that cunning in a positive manner what they might accomplish? You have your hands full! This is something I can imagine mine doing as well.

 

[DaisyFace]

So what is going to be your criterion for identifying the undies as clean? Because she's trying to second-guess you, it seems it's easier to do that than to do what she is supposed to do. If you tell her you will apply the sniff test, I hate to think what she will try to do to the undies to 'prove' to you that she did wear them (when she didn't).

Marg

Yikes! I can only imagine!!

This time, no "sniff" test was needed. I had been in her bedroom on Friday and checked everywhere to make sure there were no more undies that the dog could get ahold of...

There were only the two pairs...one the dog had started to chew and one other left out on the floor.

So you can imagine my surprise when on Saturday morning, I had all these undies in the laundry basket! And the difference was obvious, the way you can tell a used T-shirt from one that has been freshly pulled out of the drawer.

Marg--

You are quite right when you describe this as difficult child's attempts to outsmart Mom. I don't know why that always has to be the game....I certainly don't enjoy playing!

 

[DaisyFace]

Very cute!
Unfortunately, my kids have done the same thing ... with-the dog reaping the benefits. Ew.

O yes....so gross!!!

And I would be more worried about disciplining the dog except that currently, the dogs leave their chew toys all over the floor (and they have all kinds, fabric ones, rope, rawhide etc). The dogs do NOT get things out of laundry baskets or drawers or off beds--they only chew what's left on the floor.

You would think that having your stuff ruined should be a good reminder to put it properly in its place....but so far-NOT!

 

[DaisyFace]

It's amazing how difficult this lesson can be to difficult children of all ages. About 10 years ago, I taught an employment prep class to "adults with various barriers to employment." In my intro, I was very specific on what one needed to do to make a good impression...

Take a bath. Put on deodorant. Wear clean clothes. Comb your hair. Brush your teeth. Gentlemen, either be clean shaven or have your facial hair trimmed neatly. Perfume or after shave will not hide the fact you did not bathe, and your interviewer may be allergic, so if you must wear some, keep it light.

And we went over it again, and again...

How frustrating!!!

I know that most kids go through phases where hygiene is a struggle (don't like brushing teeth, don't like combing hair...etc)--it's unfortunate that some people never seem to outgrow it.

 

[agee]

The point of the behavior chart is to chart appropriate behavior, right? So I think the behavior should be noted, whatever reward she was supposed to get will get taken away. For me, trying to fake mom out with clean underpants would go under some other behavioral category - telling the truth or whatever. Then show dr. and explain what happened.
I know you are skeptical of the behavior chart getting results - it has never worked for us, either. All it does - eventually - is provide difficult child with a visual record of his failures, which has a snowball effect. The minute he doesn't make the reward he spirals out of control. I think in order for us, his teachers, whoever, to ever make anything like this work we have to give reward/consequence in 10 minute segments. The whole day, or even the morning, is too long for him to work for it.
Sorry to threadjack - I'm interested to see how the chart really works for you.
A

 

[DaisyFace]

That is a good one! So, did you sigh, giggle, or grrrrr?

Honestly, my first reaction was to be aggravated. Just change them, for heaven's sake! Why must it be this stupid game?

But husband when standing right there next to the laundry room and when I showed him, he burst out laughing....which made it easier for me to laugh about it, too. It really is just silly!

I am going to try to avoid implementing any more "systems" for keeping track of difficult child (if I can help it). The point of the behavior chart was for her to show us how matue she can be when entrusted to handle certain responsibilties on her on.

As a demonstration of maturity? I think this one is pretty clear... LOL!

 

[DaisyFace]

Are her undies different enough that you can check which ones she's wearing while they are on her? Do an underwear check every day so you can see that she indeed has on a different pair?

Shari--

It may come down to that. {{{{sigh}}}}

Nothing like checking your daughter's underpants on her way to highschool.

 

[DaisyFace]

These kids are nothing if not smart. Can you imagine if they focused that cunning in a positive manner what they might accomplish? You have your hands full! This is something I can imagine mine doing as well.

O I know!!! They would be getting all KINDS of attention for their smarts, their creativity their ingenuity...

But instead, all their craftiness is spent trying to outsmart the parents.

 

[DaisyFace]

The point of the behavior chart is to chart appropriate behavior, right? So I think the behavior should be noted, whatever reward she was supposed to get will get taken away. For me, trying to fake mom out with clean underpants would go under some other behavioral category - telling the truth or whatever. Then show dr. and explain what happened.
I know you are skeptical of the behavior chart getting results - it has never worked for us, either. All it does - eventually - is provide difficult child with a visual record of his failures, which has a snowball effect. The minute he doesn't make the reward he spirals out of control. I think in order for us, his teachers, whoever, to ever make anything like this work we have to give reward/consequence in 10 minute segments. The whole day, or even the morning, is too long for him to work for it.
Sorry to threadjack - I'm interested to see how the chart really works for you.
A

Agee--

Threadjacking is welcome!

I think you are absolutely right about the eventual effect that this behavior chart will have on difficult child. She will end up having a meltdown over it.

For this particular incident, I simply noted that "Clean underwear was put in the laundry"--which is neither a penalty nor a reward. BUT--there will be no points awarded for wearing clean underwear every day, either.