Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Funny thing about genetics
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 397889" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>You are just speaking tongue in cheek, aren't you hex?</p><p></p><p>Genetically - there are many reasons for difficult child-ness, as we know. Some of these are genetic, but often in different ways. Often our child inherits a tendency to whatever-it-is, rather than directly inheriting the problem. With ADHD, Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) and similar - it is actually more common in boys. Where it manifests in females, it is more challenging to diagnose and also to manage.</p><p></p><p>Environmentally, second children do it tough. First children do it tougher though. First children are under greater scrutiny and often tighter controls. Second children can often be whinier and demanding, but also can be more sneaky and deliberately slip below the radar if they want to do something illicit. Also, second children can often feel resentful of the older one, and feel neglected. First child is old enough to get a bike; second child is resentful because he/she wants a bike too.</p><p></p><p>There has been a lot written on birth order, also with reference to gender. It makes fascinating reading. I come from a large family, but there were several sets of twins in there. One sister, who is between two sets of twins, has Middle Child problems as well as total neglect problems. I was the youngest by a long margin and had a lot of single child problems but without the affluence. I also had to deal with the resentment of my older siblings who felt I was getting an easier ride (and while I probably was, it was no picnic).</p><p></p><p>Friends of ours had twins first, then a single daughter. That single daughter was very much neglected and ignored. It shows even now, in her behaviour. She is attention-seeking, big-time.</p><p></p><p>We have family coming to visit on Saturday. The oldest was the adored child until her baby sister was born three years later. After that, oldest girl was pushed aside and ignored, even to the point of being held back in school so bay sister could catch up. Baby sister is now married, older sister has had a string of failed, abusive relationships. She went form one basher to another and wondered where she was going wrong. I told her it had to do with her expectations, set up by her parents (her mother especially) that all she deserved in life was abuse. I think now, at 30, she can see that she deserves to be treated well. Interestingly, when we spoke to her parents last night, they said they only met the fiance at Christmas. Frankly, I don't blame her for not taking him home sooner to meet the parents! I'm going to be very interested in how things go on Saturday! Her parents would say their eldest is a difficult child. Well, not in my books. Both are easy child, but the younger one learned how to manipulate the system and pass the abuse on to her sister. One favoured, one not. Purely because of birth order. Very sad.</p><p></p><p>So it really does depend, a lot, on what sort of difficult child-ness as well as a lot of environmental factors.</p><p></p><p>Get your daughter in law to do some reading on the subject so she won't be too anxious. Especially while her husband is away, things will prey on her mind. And it does make fascinating reading! But it also shows what you can do, to avoid the difficult child-ness caused by environment.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 397889, member: 1991"] You are just speaking tongue in cheek, aren't you hex? Genetically - there are many reasons for difficult child-ness, as we know. Some of these are genetic, but often in different ways. Often our child inherits a tendency to whatever-it-is, rather than directly inheriting the problem. With ADHD, Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) and similar - it is actually more common in boys. Where it manifests in females, it is more challenging to diagnose and also to manage. Environmentally, second children do it tough. First children do it tougher though. First children are under greater scrutiny and often tighter controls. Second children can often be whinier and demanding, but also can be more sneaky and deliberately slip below the radar if they want to do something illicit. Also, second children can often feel resentful of the older one, and feel neglected. First child is old enough to get a bike; second child is resentful because he/she wants a bike too. There has been a lot written on birth order, also with reference to gender. It makes fascinating reading. I come from a large family, but there were several sets of twins in there. One sister, who is between two sets of twins, has Middle Child problems as well as total neglect problems. I was the youngest by a long margin and had a lot of single child problems but without the affluence. I also had to deal with the resentment of my older siblings who felt I was getting an easier ride (and while I probably was, it was no picnic). Friends of ours had twins first, then a single daughter. That single daughter was very much neglected and ignored. It shows even now, in her behaviour. She is attention-seeking, big-time. We have family coming to visit on Saturday. The oldest was the adored child until her baby sister was born three years later. After that, oldest girl was pushed aside and ignored, even to the point of being held back in school so bay sister could catch up. Baby sister is now married, older sister has had a string of failed, abusive relationships. She went form one basher to another and wondered where she was going wrong. I told her it had to do with her expectations, set up by her parents (her mother especially) that all she deserved in life was abuse. I think now, at 30, she can see that she deserves to be treated well. Interestingly, when we spoke to her parents last night, they said they only met the fiance at Christmas. Frankly, I don't blame her for not taking him home sooner to meet the parents! I'm going to be very interested in how things go on Saturday! Her parents would say their eldest is a difficult child. Well, not in my books. Both are easy child, but the younger one learned how to manipulate the system and pass the abuse on to her sister. One favoured, one not. Purely because of birth order. Very sad. So it really does depend, a lot, on what sort of difficult child-ness as well as a lot of environmental factors. Get your daughter in law to do some reading on the subject so she won't be too anxious. Especially while her husband is away, things will prey on her mind. And it does make fascinating reading! But it also shows what you can do, to avoid the difficult child-ness caused by environment. Marg [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Funny thing about genetics
Top