Gaining some ground again

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Childofmine, Jun 30, 2014.

  1. Childofmine

    Childofmine trying to do this thing one day at a time Staff Member

    Just a note to say a huge thank you to all of you dear people on this forum.

    I'm getting back to "me" again, and maybe I'll be just a little wiser and a little more able to withstand the fierce winds of addiction.

    Five Al-Anon meetings later, since last Thursday, I can truly say that even though I sure didn't want to go on Thursday night, I KNEW that would help me, and it did. I really wanted to just stay in, huddle, isolate, and take care of my bloody and beaten heart. But I have learned what to do to help myself, even if I don't feel like doing it, and so I did it and it was the best thing I could have done.

    My sleep was much better last night, and I have been more productive today. Not 100% back to par, but much better.

    There is nothing new. I told difficult child Friday let's talk again on Thursday and so I haven't heard from him. I am glad he hasn't tried to contact me, and I have had thoughts of him but I have been able to let the thoughts go for most of the day today.

    I sure did fall a long way down. I felt like I was free falling and I didn't know where the bottom was. The pain was horrendous.

    No answers, just one step at a time forward. Thanks again for your love, care, warmth and concern. It is everything.
     
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  2. SeekingStrength

    SeekingStrength Well-Known Member

    COM,

    I have been following and so happy to see this post. It had to get better. It always does. You do the work, you keep on keeping on and it is paying off for you. You are precious (I get sick of that word, but if fits you) and we want to see you soar.
     
  3. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Good to hear you are on the mend COM, good to have you back from the abyss. Welcome home.
     
  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Welcome back, COM. I'm glad the meetings helped.

    I think we kind of cycle with how we do this. We're ok, then we aren't, then we are, then we hit a dark hole, and eventually it gets better longer. And as we get better and less reactive, they come to us less when they are fueled with drama because t hey don't get what they need from us...a reaction, angst, a scapegoat for them who argues with them, and, of course, money, which is often the big issue. If we were "good" parents, by God, every penny we made would go to them for drugs (kind of twisted and exaggerated, of course, but often their relationship with us boils down to getting us to do what they MANDATE that we do or they won't talk to us. Or they SAY they won't talk to us until the next time they need money. Or, in some wonderful instances, they actually quit using drugs.

    I think it is more complicated with a person like 36 whose main problem is not drugs, but who has had problems with rules all of his life. It's part of his inborn personality. And he does overuse Xanax and he drinks every single day. Whether that means he's an alcoholic or not, I don't know. He also chews. It's a disgusting habit, but somebody dared him to try it, he did, and after one time, he claims he got addicted to it. I believe him. I also think he shows an addictive personality. He can't quit. He has a limited ability to tolerate discomfort, plus it is harder to quit than cigarettes and, from watching my husband quit smoking, I know how hard THAT is.

    The bottom line is that you are back and we are glad and we are always here for you as you so kindly have been for us. It is ok to slip. These are our beloved children. Of course we are sad sometimes. And we all understand and love you mucho. Keep your chin up and remember we are walking beside you and so is your God. You are never alone when you fall.
     
  5. Echolette

    Echolette Well-Known Member

    Child,

    I am so glad to hear you are back on your feet, even if wobbly. I never doubted that that would happen..

    I have to say, in my own life, and in my conversations with my sister (who has a terribly disabled adult child) that in the darkest hours the burden of knowing that we can and will keep on is almost its own problem..my sister and I moan that we would LIKE to be the person who can give up, the person who can just REALLY collapse, let others pick up the pieces, take me away and let me pad around in laceless shoes for a while with support groups and safety checks.

    In other words, to be a bit GFGish.

    But we aren't those people.

    That is you. That is me. The key is we are learning how to do it with grace...to keep the suffering down. Thich Nhat Hahn says when we learn to suffer well we suffer less (although there will always be suffering). We are trying to learn to suffer well.

    This seems very very true and very important. Your son, Child, has been respecting your boundaries and hasn't called. I hope you are able to talk to him Thursday. My son, too, has dropped back...I got one call from him yestarday, and when I didn't answer (I was going to answer but missed it), he tried SO once, and that was that.

    We have trained them to harass us...now we are retraining them, and us, and in the process they are finding different resources...and we too, are finding new ways of identifying ourselves that don't include defining ourselves as their rescuers, available 24/7, never count the cost. We are finding new ways to define ourselves.

    Thank you for letting us know you feel better today, in this moment. Cherish that, fix it in your mind. The strength of days like today help shorten the darkness of the harder days.

    With hugs and affection

    Echo
     
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  6. Albatross

    Albatross Well-Known Member

    I'm so glad you are feeling better, COM.
     
  7. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    ditto
     
  8. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    So glad you are feeling better!
     
  9. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member

    I am proud of you, COM.

    You did it. You held strong, took the fall, and came back, whole.

    Cedar
     
  10. Tiredof33

    Tiredof33 Active Member

    So glad to hear you are feeling better! I go through the cycles too, especially when I'm not feeling well. Or when some well meaning (I hope so anyway) family member feels they have to remind me that not seeing my son is not normal.

    And this week my allergies are acting out so I feel low energy and have to force myself to keep positive. I have a meeting tonight and I always feel better after that.
    (((hugs an blessings)))
     
  11. helpangel

    helpangel Active Member

    so happy to hear you are doing well and thank you for the light at the end of the tunnel... guess there is still hope for me

    sending hugs and positive energy
    Nancy
     
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