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Parent Emeritus
Gave difficult child the "Old Tomato"
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<blockquote data-quote="witzend" data-source="post: 124330" data-attributes="member: 99"><p>Sounds as though she is very successfully triangulating you and husband. With M, husband said he would take care of things when I finally had enough and was ineffective. What a lamebrain wish on my part <em>that</em> was! Why on earth would I think he would suddenly jump in and do everything I had been doing for the past 17 years? He didn't do dip. The expectation that he would, and M's manipulation of that nearly cost us our marriage. Honestly, we will never be as much in love as we were. It was too much to expect of him, it was too much of a disappointment for me. It was totally unrealistic of me to expect that it could happen.</p><p></p><p>As you know, it's been a long road for us. husband has only now after 4 years made contact with M, and is trying to rebuild a relationship. I'm comfortable now with my position, and willing to consider bending. I'm not ready to bend. I'm fine letting husband do what he will do, so long as it doesn't involve me until I have seen something that makes me feel that I am comfortable with having more with M than I have now. </p><p></p><p>Unfortunately for me, what it took was time and distance. I hope that for you and your family it won't take as much time or as much distance. But for you and your husband, I hope that you will re-examine what your expectations are of him. If he can't do it, and doesn't have the will to make himself that man that he really should be for you, are you ready to live with that disappointment?</p><p></p><p>Looking at what I am saying, it seems really sad, because I am not one that I thought would ever say "give up". But in hindsight, I am someone who is totally logical, and expecting my husband to deal with M at all was not at all realistic.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="witzend, post: 124330, member: 99"] Sounds as though she is very successfully triangulating you and husband. With M, husband said he would take care of things when I finally had enough and was ineffective. What a lamebrain wish on my part [I]that[/I] was! Why on earth would I think he would suddenly jump in and do everything I had been doing for the past 17 years? He didn't do dip. The expectation that he would, and M's manipulation of that nearly cost us our marriage. Honestly, we will never be as much in love as we were. It was too much to expect of him, it was too much of a disappointment for me. It was totally unrealistic of me to expect that it could happen. As you know, it's been a long road for us. husband has only now after 4 years made contact with M, and is trying to rebuild a relationship. I'm comfortable now with my position, and willing to consider bending. I'm not ready to bend. I'm fine letting husband do what he will do, so long as it doesn't involve me until I have seen something that makes me feel that I am comfortable with having more with M than I have now. Unfortunately for me, what it took was time and distance. I hope that for you and your family it won't take as much time or as much distance. But for you and your husband, I hope that you will re-examine what your expectations are of him. If he can't do it, and doesn't have the will to make himself that man that he really should be for you, are you ready to live with that disappointment? Looking at what I am saying, it seems really sad, because I am not one that I thought would ever say "give up". But in hindsight, I am someone who is totally logical, and expecting my husband to deal with M at all was not at all realistic. [/QUOTE]
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Gave difficult child the "Old Tomato"
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