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<blockquote data-quote="flutterby" data-source="post: 373404" data-attributes="member: 7083"><p>I love A, too. The bottom line is, no one can make anyone do something without their permission. A is a bit controlling, in that she has to have things a certain way. But, I think that has more to do with the koi she grew up with and it was a way to control her environment.</p><p></p><p>D, however, went too far and crossed too many lines. When he doesn't think that it's my home because my mom pays the rent, or when he thinks he doesn't have to help out financially, or that he can tell me that he doesn't want to give me the money to help with bills because he doesn't trust me because I smoke cigarettes and occasionally get fast food, or that I should have gotten his approval for difficult child to have rats, or how I should be raising my daughter, or how I'm supposed to answer to my mom and him because I am unable to work and bring in an income, or how they can talk to me however they want, but I'm supposed to tiptoe around them...I could go on and on and on.</p><p></p><p>difficult child said that she hasn't felt comfortable in her own home since A moved in. A always claimed to like difficult child, but she always had snarky comments to make. And every single time we tried to do something as a family - dinner, game night, etc - it got ruined because A went off unprovoked and out of line on difficult child. To the point that even D got totally ****** off at her.</p><p></p><p>And you know, D's father can be a total jerk and D never says a thing. I know the psychology behind that, but it doesn't mean it doesn't make me angry. My son never wanted for anything. I was always the mom running him and his friends around. I was always the mom with a bunch of extra kids (his friends) at my house for days. E told me that I have bent over backwards for him - for both of my kids. D is being a selfish jerk right now. And, yes, I know a lot of it is immaturity and lack of life experience, but it doesn't mean I have to tolerate it.</p><p></p><p>The tension in the house is gone. I think difficult child will do a lot better without them here. She said today that she's able to relax now. (She's off on an anxiety, obsessing thing about her hair, but that's unrelated.) My mom said that they're not interested in coming back. I said, that's fine because they're not welcome. Then my mom made some comment about throwing my son out. I didn't throw him out on the street. I told him to go to my mom's - he would have gone there anyway. However, my mom threw me out when I was 19, with a one year old child, because I got back together with D's dad. I had nowhere to go. But, that's ok. I'm not saying she was wrong. It was her house. Just that she so easily forgets and then I'm a bad parent for sticking to my guns and sending my son to go live with my mom who has always backed him up and undermined me. He's not on the street for crying out loud.</p><p></p><p>A lot of relationships have changed and are going to be changed because of this. There is a lot of history that has never been resolved and never will be, and this goes right along with it. </p><p></p><p>I'm not writing him off. I just don't want to talk to him or see him right now. I told my mom that they need to get the rest of their stuff. She asked if they should call me to arrange it. I told her to have them email me instead.</p><p></p><p>Oh, and all the money (which was very little) that they didn't want to pay to help for bills because they shouldn't have to? They'll now be spending that and then some in gas. My mom lives 45 minutes away and their jobs are here.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="flutterby, post: 373404, member: 7083"] I love A, too. The bottom line is, no one can make anyone do something without their permission. A is a bit controlling, in that she has to have things a certain way. But, I think that has more to do with the koi she grew up with and it was a way to control her environment. D, however, went too far and crossed too many lines. When he doesn't think that it's my home because my mom pays the rent, or when he thinks he doesn't have to help out financially, or that he can tell me that he doesn't want to give me the money to help with bills because he doesn't trust me because I smoke cigarettes and occasionally get fast food, or that I should have gotten his approval for difficult child to have rats, or how I should be raising my daughter, or how I'm supposed to answer to my mom and him because I am unable to work and bring in an income, or how they can talk to me however they want, but I'm supposed to tiptoe around them...I could go on and on and on. difficult child said that she hasn't felt comfortable in her own home since A moved in. A always claimed to like difficult child, but she always had snarky comments to make. And every single time we tried to do something as a family - dinner, game night, etc - it got ruined because A went off unprovoked and out of line on difficult child. To the point that even D got totally ****** off at her. And you know, D's father can be a total jerk and D never says a thing. I know the psychology behind that, but it doesn't mean it doesn't make me angry. My son never wanted for anything. I was always the mom running him and his friends around. I was always the mom with a bunch of extra kids (his friends) at my house for days. E told me that I have bent over backwards for him - for both of my kids. D is being a selfish jerk right now. And, yes, I know a lot of it is immaturity and lack of life experience, but it doesn't mean I have to tolerate it. The tension in the house is gone. I think difficult child will do a lot better without them here. She said today that she's able to relax now. (She's off on an anxiety, obsessing thing about her hair, but that's unrelated.) My mom said that they're not interested in coming back. I said, that's fine because they're not welcome. Then my mom made some comment about throwing my son out. I didn't throw him out on the street. I told him to go to my mom's - he would have gone there anyway. However, my mom threw me out when I was 19, with a one year old child, because I got back together with D's dad. I had nowhere to go. But, that's ok. I'm not saying she was wrong. It was her house. Just that she so easily forgets and then I'm a bad parent for sticking to my guns and sending my son to go live with my mom who has always backed him up and undermined me. He's not on the street for crying out loud. A lot of relationships have changed and are going to be changed because of this. There is a lot of history that has never been resolved and never will be, and this goes right along with it. I'm not writing him off. I just don't want to talk to him or see him right now. I told my mom that they need to get the rest of their stuff. She asked if they should call me to arrange it. I told her to have them email me instead. Oh, and all the money (which was very little) that they didn't want to pay to help for bills because they shouldn't have to? They'll now be spending that and then some in gas. My mom lives 45 minutes away and their jobs are here. [/QUOTE]
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