Gene Pool Amnesty Day

[SRL]

We celebrated a first in our family yesterday--Gene Pool Amnesty Day. My dad has been causing us headaches to such a degree that my brother and I decided to check up on my paternal unit's long time suspicions that we were actually fathered by someone else. So I called up my mom (who has been divorced from my dad for 35 years).

Me: "Mom, I have something to ask you."
Mom: "What is it?"
Me: "For years Dad's been tossing out suggestions that when it comes to me and Sib#3, there might be some question of paternity. For some reason Sib #2 was never in doubt."
Mom: "Well, there are some physical features in #2 that your father couldn't deny."
Me: "I really don't know how to put this any more delicately, but is there any possible chance that he's right? Because if there is, #2 and I will run right out and have a paternity test done."
Mom (laughs--I take this as a bad sign because she never laughs when she fibs): "Noooo, I'm sorry but I'm afraid you're stuck there."
Me: "Are you absolutely certain? Can't you offer us even a little hope? If you have anything to confess this is your chance--no judgment, no incrimination. We'd be so happy not to be drawing from this gene pool that we'd thank you."
Mom: "I'm sorry."
Me: "Are you absolutely sure? Even a tiny little affair or one-night stand would look really promising right now."
Mom: "No, I'm afraid he's your father."
Me: "If by the end of the day, you think of anything you need to confess, feel free to call..."

Drat.

 

[JJJ]

I can just imagine that conversation

 

[Lothlorien]

I'm sure your mom just LOVED that conversation!!!

 

[gcvmom]

I've often wished for the same... but the grim facts are too glaringly obvious...

 

[trinityroyal]

SRL, your mom sounds like a wonderful woman and a good sport.

As for the gene pool amnsety, If only!
(Although in my case I'd need a new mom AND dad. Sigh)

 

[Star*]

Sign her up as a contestant on that new horrid game show TRUTH or LIE - or something like that -

Now go send her flowers and tell her you are sorry SHE had to be married to him for 35 years.

Hugs
Star

 

[SRL]

Star, it's really his current (4th, and likely soon to be former) wife that needs the flowers.

Now signing her up for that show is an idea. Although I have to say the ads for it look pretty sick.

 

[Abbey]

I would love to be a fly in the phone during that conversation.

Abbey

 

[skeeter]

lyrics to a great song:

ELMA TURL
(Mike Cross)

Elma Turl is a beautiful girl, and I'd love to have her for my wife,
She's just the kind of woman who could make me happy for the rest of my life
My daddy said, "Son, there's something you don't know, and it's something I
think you oughter
Elma Turl is a beautiful girl; but son, she's my daughter."

Alice Green is a beautiful thing, and I'd love to have her for my wife,
She's just the kind of woman who could make me happy for the rest of my life
My daddy said, "Son, there's something you don't know, and it's something I
think you oughter
Alice Green is a beautiful thing; but son, she's my daughter."

Well, I've been all around the whole durn county, like a buck huntin' for a doe,
But it seems every girl I'd like to marry is a wild oat Daddy sowed
So I went to my mama with my head hung down, and she asked me what the matter
could be,
I told her my problem and she took my hand and said, "Son, now listen to me."

"You see, your daddy was such a good-lookin' young man, and like an eager young
stallion horse
His blood ran hot, so you can't blame him for lettin' Mother Nature take her
course
But you got no reason to be upset; don't you worry, don't fret, don't bother
You see, your daddy ain't your daddy, he only thinks he is; so you can marry
whomever you wanter.

 

[Lothlorien]

That's a funny song!

 

[Abbey]

THAT is a song that was written from experience. Man...


Abbey

 

[TerryJ2]

I love the way you think! LOL.

 

[susiestar]

Your mom is a good sport. I LOVE the song.

 

[Fran]

Pretty funny.
husband often suggests that I was dropped on my parents door step since I appear to have been cracked from a different egg.
Maybe we should get gene amnesty day. Wonder if my 2 boys wouldn't mind celebrating that day themselves.

 

[Star*]

Fran.......you sly fox you! HILLARIOUS!

 

[SRL]

LOL, Skeeter. That song is a hoot.

My mom was a good sport on this one. I don't think she realized the impact when she called back later that evening.

Mom: (in a quiet voice) "SRL, I've been thinking...
Me: Mentally I'm thinking "YES!!!! She's had a change of heart and is going to confess!
Mom: "...you really need to be praying for your dad."

That was it. No confession. It was cruel: raising my hopes and then dashing them again.

 

[susiestar]

I LOVE your mom. I bet she completely knew what she was doing with that call. Moms ALWAYS know!!!