General Update

[klmno]

I just wanted to let everyone know that I probably won't be posting from tomorrow thru Friday but will be reading occasionally.

Unrelated to that- I don't know how this happens but I forwarded my mail from my old address yet some people are able to get the new address and send stuff directly to this new one even though very few people were actually given this new address. Then, I opened a PO box and gave that to my mother instead of the house address. Something is up with my bro because he ALWAYS send difficult child a card at Christmas, b-day and halloween. The card was forwarded at Christmas because of course, I never told anyone in the family I moved except my mother and supposedly, she hasn't spoken to me bro in a few years. But no card was forwarded or received at the house for difficult child's b-day from my bro. This means he either has found out where difficult child is and writing him in Department of Juvenile Justice or something. I doubt seriously my bro would "give up" on trying to establish contact.

Honestly, difficult child doesn't need my bro's manipulation and lies or to hear him trashing me. But since I know I can only prolong that for so long, I'm mainly concerned about it if difficult child returns to live at home, which is unlikely the way I'm thinking right now. difficult child is old enough to know I have always loved him and taken care of him no matter what my bro tells him but he sure doesn't need more negativity in his life or "justification" to use me or anyone else.

I have no clue how to approach things as far as not feeling comfortable about difficult child coming to live with me again. I feel guilty about it but right now, that's just how I feel.

 

[HaoZi]

yet some people are able to get the new address and send stuff directly to this new one

I know when I did mass mailings for a state job years ago, there was a line printed on every piece with the postage to the effect that if it couldn't be delivered to return it to us with the forwarding address. These pieces would come back with a sticker on them showing the address mail was supposed to be forwarded to.

 

[klmno]

Oh- and something happened that might be related. I have an aunt on my father's side who is both an aunt to me and my half-bro. (I know that sounds like a no-brainer but he is an half-bro so all relatives are not shared between us. Anyway, she lives out of state but we haven't had any contact in about 2 years. I did get a notice from UPS last week that a package had been sent to the old address from the zip code of the city where my aunt lives. First, I found it odd that UPS could send me a notice directly to this new address but wouldn't forward the package here. Secondly, I found it odd that an aunt would send a package after not hearing from her or trying to contact her for over 2 years. But it did cross my mind that my bro might have visited her and sent a package to difficult child from there. Anyway, I told UPS to send it back saying we'd moved and not giving a forwarding address. If my bro has found out we've moved, he'll be on the phone with courts people until he finds out where difficult child is. I'll check the PO box this weekend. If there's something in there from bro then I know my mother is lieing and has given bro that address. I haven't heard from her in weeks, by the way.

 

[HaoZi]

Doesn't UPS charge extra for address changes? Not sure how all that works since they're private and separate from the post office. Their notification system will also show where it was delivered to anyone that has the tracking number.

 

[klmno]

That's why when I called the number on their notice, I told them to send it back to the sender instead of sending it to this new address. However, that notice was sent to this new address directly instead of being forwarded. I just went to check my PO Box and it's empty so bro either has found difficult child in Department of Juvenile Justice or has decided not to send anything for difficult child's b-day. Highly doubtful since he's sent a card every time like I said before. And every card for the past 3 years has said EXACTLY the same thing.

 

[susiestar]

No real advice on the bro/mom front. As for difficult child not coming home to live, how could you feel comfortable with him coming home? Esp now that you know he is abusing stimulants. It is a very short hop from abusing rx stims to abusing other drugs, esp if you are used to staying up for hours and hours on end with-o sleep. Meth is just too cheap and easy to get and with his admission that he is using rx stims to stay up, well, it is a concern. Add that to his behavior when he came home from hsi first juvy sentence, well, it is normal and natural for you to feel uncomfortable with the idea of him coming home. It is probably quite common. I really hope that he can get into a group home of some kind and figure out that he really doesn't want to live that way - and then make some real changes.

MAYBE the drug abuse treatment/prevention thingy he is supposed to go to will help and you will feel different later, but in the meantime I would NOT commit to having him come home if I were you. I am sorry that it has come to this because it is hard for you.