General update

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by klmno, Mar 14, 2012.

  1. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I apologize for not responding to others' threads much lately- I have been slammed and worn out in between times this week.

    I had my first individual visit from the in-home counselor on Monday and we seem to get along great. He seems to think a lot of difficult child and difficult child likes him, too. I know we are all still on our "nice" side and it probably won't last- especially if it gets to a point where I'm supposed to treat difficult child like a room-mate but still be held legally liable if he breaks the law- I'm way past even considering that. Still, we do get along and that helps to have a good start...and it sure can't hurt to have this guy telling PO he finds me and difficult child both to be cooperative and willing to work with him. He told me he thought I was very well adjusted given all that had happened and I nearly fell out of my chair but told him I'd make him a cake if he told PO that. LOL!

    I have an appliccation in on that TH and am still waiting to get approval. In the meantime, I went to look at one yesterday that just popped up on online ads Sunday evening and wouldn't mind getting it either but they have an app on it already. I told them to call me if that app didn't get approved. I'll take the first of these two I can get and will keep looking in the meantime.

    I had left 3 VMs for the person supposedly handling difficult child's case in Department of Juvenile Justice now to check on criteria and possibility of a day pass since he's been sitting in detention for a mo now. I never got a return call so I called today and asked whoever answered the phone if that person was out of town or had a super because she wasn't retuurning my calls and I was just trying to get some info. Check this out- I was told that person has no super because she's second in charge of the entire reception & diagnostic center (RDC- which has gotten the caseload of the kids in detention reentry). Now, that alone told me they don't have this set up and in place yet because there would be no way they'd be having the assistant superintendent of that division of Department of Juvenile Justice handling each case for all the kids sent to detention reentry. Anyway, then this person proceeded to tell me that they have just assigned the kids on detention reentry to another lady, Ms D, and they connected me to her.

    I explained to Ms D that my son has been in detention for a mo now and we still haven't found out criteria for even getting a day pass. She said this is the way it's supposed to happen: PO and detention center are supposed to form a plan for things like day passes and release and send it to them for approval, then if difficult child does what he should according to that "plan" and PO recommends a day pass or release, they review it and either approve it or disapprove it. I told her PO was always telling me they set the criteria (I knew he was the one lying because everyone is always pointing the finger back on him.) I asked her if she had rec'd that "plan" from PO yet. She said she had no idea because she's never even seen my son's file. Well, aren't you in charge of this now? No, not until her super leaves. Then who's in charge now? The only person that has seen my son's file over there has been the asst superintendent and she was out of town all last week. But, she says she is sure that a kid can't get a day pass before being in detention at least 30 days. Not true- the kid in there with difficult child has been in there about 3 days longer than difficult child and already had one and is approved for a second one. Oh- and if PO sent the parole plan that he sent me to them as the "plan" for detention reentry, itt will be interesting to see how they react- how can they approve a plan that has no measurable criteria for day passes or release when this is the entire objective for having a detention reentry to begin with? (I didn't say that to her though- I'm waiting to find out if he even sent them a plan at all yet.) I also asked her what could be done if PO is just sitting on this and not being responsive or submitting what he should be and my son is hanging in limbo sitting in a detention center. She said she would asked the superintendent to return my call. I soooooo hope fed DOJ looks into my complaints- honestly, isn't it illegal to keep a kid incarcerated past his release date on the pretense that the director of Department of Juvenile Justice thinks detention reentry will be in his best interest, yet they don't have that in place yet and no one seems to know what to do or is pursuing what they should be doing so he's really remaining incarcerated while they try to figure out how they want to run this program and get people assigned and in place- yet they have been accepting fed funding for this program for a year??

    And, since difficult child is a Junior in HS I have started getting the typical letters from colleges that I know don't mean a lot. But today, I got a letter from the physician for the White House who sponsors a 10-day "forum" for teens who've done well academically and are interested in pursuing a medical profession and it says difficult child was one of those chosen for an invitation. (difficult child still wants to be a vet- still, that's medical) It had some info but says a packet will be forthcoming with more info and an application. It's being held this summer. I'm wondering if this is for real and financially feasible. That could really help him a lot. He'd been invited to do John Hopkins summer courses a couple of times in the past but the kid ended up incarcerated and couldn't go. True difficult child, isn't he?

    So, there's my update, Ladies! Sorry so long but thanks for reading!
  2. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    I was wondering how it was going... but was afraid to ask!

    It's amazing how often it's the stupid little stuff that "should" be easy, that drives us crazy... like trying to get calls back on the "place to live" plan. THAT stuff "should" be orderly and logical especially when the other parts of our life are not...

    Hang in there!
  3. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am glad the in home counselor is a good guy so far. Kudos on finding apartments to move into so soon. I have myself all pretzelled up so you can get what you need and a new PO who is a real person and not a power tripping fool and that difficult child can get OUT of Department of Juvenile Justice and home and that he can become mostly easy child and make good/safe choices!
  4. buddy

    buddy New Member

    I think the counselor sounds like a great break for you and so great to have someone who is taking the time to really know the situation. Ultimately that is what will help difficult child.

    As for asking if it is illegal to do what they are doing... one would think! What about the office of civil rights??? could that be another source of support given he is being detained so long past his release date with no program in place??

    Hope your favorite town home works out...but sounds like either would be good. I'm happy for you that you found some good choices.

    The intern thing sounds so cool (or whatever it is).... if it was not in town could he leave to attend?

    It would be so great if he could get into some cool thing like that to help rebuild his self esteem and give him a real sense of hope and dreams for the future. Let us know if you find more about this stuff.... would be very cool
  5. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    When I called the fed doj office a month or so ago, they told me to send my letter to their civil rights dept so that's where I sent it. They have a juvenile justice dept, too, so I don't know if I should have sent it there as well or if maybe they can and will disperse copies to any dept applicable.

    There are several things about this TH I'm not happy with (the one I'm living in now) so other than the PITA of moving. I don't mind getting into another place.

    If difficult child can go to the forum and it probably will be out of town, he'd have to get permission from his PO in order to go. I'm wondering about the cost of it but am excited for him that he got invited to begin with. I'm hoping when he actually sees all this stuff coming in about his "life after high school" that it will wake him up and help him realize some of the opportunity he has if he doesn't get incracerated again.

    About my first paragraph re the counselor- I was trying to see that I'm sure all sessions won't be nice and kushy and easy- not that I'm sure this "therapy" won't last at all. I guess I'm waiting to see how it will be dealt with when he suggests something that I think is a horrible idea. Will I hear "do it anyway because you have to if you want difficult child released"?
  6. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Well, I hope by the time that there is any home programming you will have a better read on the counselor and you will know if you can really work with him to try to make things better or if you need to work in spite of him and just get thru it I suppose. Then I thought you said you could just do your own counseling with him at the same time to work on the real issues...did you say that a long time ago??? that you wondered if it might just be better to do it on your own??? maybe I am remembering someone else??? sorry.

    Have you talked to him again? How is he doing???
  7. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    easy child/difficult child received unsolicited packets...before he turned full difficult child. Three came in the mail and one was totally legit. The other two were a bit "iffy". husband and I were excited by the Duke early admissions program which was real. Of course his s.a. choices deep sixed the prospects, sigh. It would be awesome if your difficult child had a special opportunity. Just double check before he has a chance to get hyped.

    I'm glad that things are finally moving along. You must be exhausted and excited.. by the way, how are the dogs doing? DDD
  8. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Well, Ladies, as is the usual case in my life the last few years, things have changed again. LOL! The townhouse I put an app in for apparently already had an app in on it, too so I didn't get it. Then, the other one I said I wouldn't mind getting - I mean the agent for that one called me this afternoon and said the first app didn't go thru well so I could put one in now. I'll be doing that this evening. It has a very small LR but the kitchen is nice and big enough for my table and chairs, and it each of the two bedrooms has it's own full bath. That was the selling point on this one. difficult child and I neither one have ever had our own private bathroom.

    The package on this forum came in today and it sure looks official but yes, I'll check into it first before getting too far. There are a ton of papaers in it so I'll have to look thru them all and see how much it cost.

    The dogs are fine- they need baths but appear to be happier lately and I think it'ss because of the weather being nice and me being happier lately. thank you for asking!
  9. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Holy koi! It costs over $2000! It has to be paid upfront. But it covers room and board and transportation while there. And for another 200, he can receive college credit. They stay in a college dorm, 2 or 4 to a room- no parents- all upper class HS students (as in Junior or Senior). They have a tuition assistance and need-based scholarship available though- I'm going to check into those tomorrow.
  10. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Makes me think of Who's Who solicitations. Back in the 50's husband was invited to be in the Who's Who In American Colleges. We still have the issue on our bookshelves and it is "proof" to husband that he started with nothing but achieved notable honors based on sheer hardwork.

    Twenty years later I received a letter inviting me to be in Who's Who in the SE (or something like that, lol) and I was impressed. I was the single Mom of three, active in my community, fairly successful in real estate made me feel great. Then I realized I had to include a check when I submitted my app. extra money...forget it.

    Ten years ago I received a letter inviting me to be in Who's Who is southern business ?? something like that. OOPS. Yeah I'm a southern woman. Yeah I am President of a Corp. Good grief am I a success?? Heck, no. And that "invitation" I assume is the last one I'll receive. And yes, I had to write a check to be included...for more money than the earlier invite.

    Life gets weirder and weirder and people use others for financial gain. I am sure your difficult child is a smart kid. Very odd to me that he has been out of mainstream schools for a few years...and yet he is being "invited" to join the movers and shakers. Darn..I wish I hadn't turned into a jaded old lady. Hugs DDD
  11. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Sure hope this second TH goes through for you... yes, separate baths would be a luxury! So is a decent-sized kitchen!
  12. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    The LR is tiny, tiny though.

    DDD, are you having a pessimistic moment? I know what you mean about some of those money-getting things- I was invited to get published in some magazine of successful women once. I felt an instant flatter than forgot all about it. LOL! This isn't the same thing though- if it turns out to be legit but I'm 95% certain it is. I'll PM you the link where I had to confirm receipt of this package.
  13. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Will your new LR furniture fit so you and difficult child can watch movies and pig out?

    Yes, Klmno, I have a "bug" and I am not good at being sick. I actually felt I had to apologize for my whining because so many of our family members have ongoing "real" physical problems. Meanwhile I am not a happy camper. Understatement. Liken me to a spoiled whining brat this week. DDD
  14. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    That was exactly what went thru my mind when I first saw it! LOL! But I fell in love with the kitchen and the idea of each of us having our own bathroom. difficult child like that part too when I mentioned the possibility to him- he's had to potty in front of others so long now and really craves privacy and his "own" space. Both of these bedrooms are big. So, I decided that yes, the LR furniture will fit into that LR somehow. Hopefully it won't require the couch blocking the door to the coat closet. I only have the reclining sofa, a reclining chair, and a unit that has a LCD tv on it so if I'm worried about how to fit that in this room, that should tell you how small it is. Well, it has a fireplace built out into it and a bay window so that doesn't help- not a lot of wall space.
  15. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Can you measure the room so you can plan??? I guess you can put the reclining chair in a bedroom if you are forced to????
  16. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    The furniture is basicly brand new so I could easily sell it if I had to. Yes, the recliner would fit in a BR or I could keep it then trade the full-sized sofa for a love seat. I'm going to try to squeeze it in though. If my app goes thru, and it should, I'll request we meet at the place for me to sign the lease and get keys so I can measure the room. The other rooms have ample space so there's no problem getting furniture into them.
  17. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Im sure it will fit.

    I have a feeling the stuff is legit.

    I am actually in Who's Who in Community Colleges and I didnt have to pay a thing. I just made extremely good grades for that year. There are some of those books that are fakes and some that are not. Well not just that year but for my entire time at the college. I graduated with the highest average for my graduating class and I did it with three kids under the age of 6.
  18. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    husband's was "real" like yours Janet. If they had a Who's Who for C students :) I wouldn't have doubted my invitation. DDD
  19. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I called and checked with the university associated with it and it is for real, unbelievable, but for real.

    Now the bad news- the realtor who's managing the property at the TH called and said because I filed BK 2 years ago, they would need 2 mos rent as a deposit instead of one. I told her I'd think about it and call her but she left a VM around 4:00 saying she couldn't approve my app due to credit hx and bad reference from this landlord. Now, my credit was not that bad 1 year ago, according to people who checked my credit score then and it could only have stayed the same or gotten better since then. I haven't made one payment late on anything at all, including rent. I have no idea what the current landllord could be saying bad about me- other than that I'm breaking my lease but I emailed him and explained why. There is a clause in the lease that requires 3 mos rent if lease is broken and if I can't get a renter to replace me, as he asked, then I am prepared to pay that. So, until/unless I didn't pay him that, I see no reason why he should be giving me a bad reference. Now I wonder if this realtor is just stretching the truth as an excuse not to rent to me due to the BK. They have a policy not to rent to anyone who's had a BK in the psat year but mine is 2 years old almost, and I explained on the app that I had to do it in order to get employment with the gov.

    And check this out- I finally heard from PO about a day pass- he emailed and said ge'd requested one for difficult child for next Sat, for 4 hours, and it will be facilitated by counselor and we are to have a family session. Now, 2 hours will be spent driving and checking in/out and 2 hours will be spent in a family session with the counselor. So what's the point?

    What started out a great day really turned carpy awful fast.
  20. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member



    back to the "for rent" listings... maybe the next one will be even better!