I need advice from parents with experience. My son is in jail as we speak, he'll be 18 June 15. He's been in minor trouble since he was 14. We're in Nova Scotia, Canada by the way incase that matters. He's had charges of shoplifting once, underage drinking several (most times), breaching conditions many times, caught with bear mace and a paring knife (both separate arrests), also suspected of dealing drugs although hasn't been caught YET ...all little things that haven't amounted to any record because his lawyer continues to get him off. He hasn't been living home for about a month and a half which ended with another arrest. The common denominator is either alcohol or drugs (cocaine). Anyway...three days ago he was arrested on breach of his curfew and the police combined all charges...so, he has 24 charge of a bunch of nonsense and 22 breaches. Basically, he can't be trusted to follow rules which is why he never wanted to live home. Now, his lawyer bombarded me with requests for him to live home instead of going to a youth facility. My son has expressed his desire to come home as he is "tired of breaching his conditions". In the past he's requested the judge put him in youth detention to no avail. His lawyer says he's seeing a different attitude. So, that pretty much sums up his situation...here's mine. First of all I used the term "bombarded" because I did have a comeback for this lawyer but I was alone (husband and daughter were working), and even though I do consider myself a strong woman (raised two kids on my own and own a successful business of 23 years), I have to admit, he gets to my soft mommy side and I crumble. There is nothing more heart breaking than seeing your son in shackles for the first time (I broke down when he walked in, I was a wreck). So, I told lawyer that I had others to consider besides myself. I feel like he's making ME judge here!! I don't believe that 3 days being forcibly sober is enough to convince me thaqt he's "seen the light". My son as most difficult child's do, plays the system. Court is adjourned until tomorrow and my back ups will be with me. Our feelings are that he needs to be reprimanded longer than three days, and even if he doesn't get counselling (lawyer says he won't, others say he will), he'll be getting clean. We want him to man up and either go there or go to and in house program Choices (which his psychologist strongly suggested). We dont' think coming home is best for him or us. Every time he's on house arrest, so are WE. We all work, I have a business, my husband has his business and my daughter is in management (she's only with us until her apartment is repaired after a flood). That will leave him to sit home and do nothing to help himself and just waste time. Also, why should we be his gate keeper when all these years it hasnt' done a thing to deter his behavior. Either way, it is up to me. They're both willing to support my decision, my husband (contractor) even willing to take him on to work with him but he'd have to drop so much attitude and I know he's not there yet. I know in my heart he's not ready for any of that. RESPONSIBILITY I think I covered it all. Any advice or input greatly appreciated. By the way, it's ME that either needs the gentle push or swift kick! Go easy though..I"m pretty low today...so low.