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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 236567" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Kjs, good luck. I hope it all went well for you.</p><p></p><p>To hold on - remember your fear and your anger and use it constructively, to give you impetus. You shouldn't be feeling afraid or angry, you did nothing to cause it. You have a right to feel safe, to feel protected and to feel loved. Even if you are the only one providing that love, protection and safety - nobody else should take that away from you.</p><p></p><p>This is not aa problem of your making, no matter what anyone might say. </p><p></p><p>And if you have to cancel video access to the phone service for a while - so be it. Apologise to the boys but explain that while they did nothing wrong, their father did and until you can get your hands on his phone, ALL the phones on the account have to be limited.</p><p></p><p>But only do this if he won't hand over his phone. You could even use this as leverage - how does he think the boys will feel about him, if you are forced to that extent? Because there is no way YOU should have to wear any of the blame for needing to do this. By giving him a chance to do the honourable thing and hand over the phone, then you are giving him the chance to save face wirth the boys. You COULD have gone straight to the boys and told them. </p><p></p><p>Hang in there. If you're angry, use it to say your piece and to block any negative thoughts being attached to you.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 236567, member: 1991"] Kjs, good luck. I hope it all went well for you. To hold on - remember your fear and your anger and use it constructively, to give you impetus. You shouldn't be feeling afraid or angry, you did nothing to cause it. You have a right to feel safe, to feel protected and to feel loved. Even if you are the only one providing that love, protection and safety - nobody else should take that away from you. This is not aa problem of your making, no matter what anyone might say. And if you have to cancel video access to the phone service for a while - so be it. Apologise to the boys but explain that while they did nothing wrong, their father did and until you can get your hands on his phone, ALL the phones on the account have to be limited. But only do this if he won't hand over his phone. You could even use this as leverage - how does he think the boys will feel about him, if you are forced to that extent? Because there is no way YOU should have to wear any of the blame for needing to do this. By giving him a chance to do the honourable thing and hand over the phone, then you are giving him the chance to save face wirth the boys. You COULD have gone straight to the boys and told them. Hang in there. If you're angry, use it to say your piece and to block any negative thoughts being attached to you. Marg [/QUOTE]
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