A
AmericanGirl
Guest
Yes...finally I am getting smarter in dealing with difficult child.
Court date yesterday for the theft. He was supposed to say "x". He, of course said "y" when he spoke with the judge. "What do you mean you pled 'YO'? It's either guilty or not guilty."
$545 fine. Judge is allowing $50 payments. I made first two. If difficult child isn't employed by 7/31, then he will sit the fines out in jail. I didn't tell him that because he would hear, "I can wait until 7/30 to find a job."
He is supposed to actively look for employment every day but Sunday and send me a short text describing his efforts. In exchange, I will pay his weekly rent.
I am not giving him any more money for food. He finally got everything handled at the Food Stamp office.
I refuse to give him any more cash for anything else until he gets me access to his bank account. No more cash. He has to be accountable for the money he gets.
If his isn't willing to comply, then there is a homeless mission down the street from the sober house. I'll get a friend to help me go get the car.
It's HIS life....not mine.
To stop the late night calls and texts, I found an app which will turn my cell ringer off between midnight and 7 am - just for his phone number. I hated turning it off in case other people needed me. He is unaware I did this, I simply told him I expected him to respect those hours unless he has an emergency. I can easily see whether he has contacted me - but won't be disturbed in the middle of the night anymore. If he violates it, I will restrict his phone for 24 hours so he cannot make calls to anyone but his sponsor.
The fool came to court wearing gauges in his ears. Sober House won't allows tattoos so I guess that's his new passion. I held out my hand and simply said, "Earrings." He took them out and put them in his pocket. I repeated, "Earrings." He put them in my hand. I plan on destroying them with a large hammer and a great deal of anger. Before I paid the fine, I required him to write a statement saying he wouldn't use gauges for six months. I told him I was faxing that to the Sober House manager. (Of course, I don't expect him to enforce him. Only want him to be aware of the agreement.) difficult child's response, "You are going to mess up everything I have going over there." Haha...the manager already told me he saw through his manipulation.
I was listening to an online meeting last night. The topic was hope.
I once felt hope for difficult child. I cannot do that any longer. It's cruel to myself to feel hope for him. I have zero control over him. Besides, hope is like saying "I wish...". And you cannot be detached and have wishes for certain outcomes.
What I realized is that I can feel hope for me. Hope that I will find happiness despite what difficult child chooses. Hope that I will always listen to what my Higher Power's wishes are. Hope that I will continue to work my program every day. Hope that I will hold onto my serenity and sanity. Hope that I will continue to be graced with good health and wonderful friends and the capacity to genuinely be happy.
And that is what I wish for all of you.....
Court date yesterday for the theft. He was supposed to say "x". He, of course said "y" when he spoke with the judge. "What do you mean you pled 'YO'? It's either guilty or not guilty."
$545 fine. Judge is allowing $50 payments. I made first two. If difficult child isn't employed by 7/31, then he will sit the fines out in jail. I didn't tell him that because he would hear, "I can wait until 7/30 to find a job."
He is supposed to actively look for employment every day but Sunday and send me a short text describing his efforts. In exchange, I will pay his weekly rent.
I am not giving him any more money for food. He finally got everything handled at the Food Stamp office.
I refuse to give him any more cash for anything else until he gets me access to his bank account. No more cash. He has to be accountable for the money he gets.
If his isn't willing to comply, then there is a homeless mission down the street from the sober house. I'll get a friend to help me go get the car.
It's HIS life....not mine.
To stop the late night calls and texts, I found an app which will turn my cell ringer off between midnight and 7 am - just for his phone number. I hated turning it off in case other people needed me. He is unaware I did this, I simply told him I expected him to respect those hours unless he has an emergency. I can easily see whether he has contacted me - but won't be disturbed in the middle of the night anymore. If he violates it, I will restrict his phone for 24 hours so he cannot make calls to anyone but his sponsor.
The fool came to court wearing gauges in his ears. Sober House won't allows tattoos so I guess that's his new passion. I held out my hand and simply said, "Earrings." He took them out and put them in his pocket. I repeated, "Earrings." He put them in my hand. I plan on destroying them with a large hammer and a great deal of anger. Before I paid the fine, I required him to write a statement saying he wouldn't use gauges for six months. I told him I was faxing that to the Sober House manager. (Of course, I don't expect him to enforce him. Only want him to be aware of the agreement.) difficult child's response, "You are going to mess up everything I have going over there." Haha...the manager already told me he saw through his manipulation.
I was listening to an online meeting last night. The topic was hope.
I once felt hope for difficult child. I cannot do that any longer. It's cruel to myself to feel hope for him. I have zero control over him. Besides, hope is like saying "I wish...". And you cannot be detached and have wishes for certain outcomes.
What I realized is that I can feel hope for me. Hope that I will find happiness despite what difficult child chooses. Hope that I will always listen to what my Higher Power's wishes are. Hope that I will continue to work my program every day. Hope that I will hold onto my serenity and sanity. Hope that I will continue to be graced with good health and wonderful friends and the capacity to genuinely be happy.
And that is what I wish for all of you.....
You are doing fantastic and your son will be better for it!
