difficult child is sneaking out of our house at night. Help...

[pinevalley]

My 14 year old difficult child has just started sneaking out of our house in the middle of the night. Two times in the last month he left our house at 2am and walked over one mile to his girlfriend's house. Our son is very sneaky, and he will wait until we are asleep and then leave our house. The first time that I found out about this I started sleeping on the couch, so that I could see our son if he tried to open the front door. I actually caught him trying to leave the house when he thought that I was asleep. My husband and I have punished our difficult child for leaving the house, and we have told him that it is against the law to be running around so late at night. Our difficult child listens to us and then he will do exactly what he wants to do. Our difficult child has a complete disregard for our rules, and we don't know how we can keep him from sneaking out of our house. He is crazy for this girl, and she brags that she can do whatever she wants,and that she has no rules to follow at her house. Our difficult child told me that he gets mad at me for making him follow rules at our house, so he sneaks out of the house to spite me. I am really afraid that he will get this girl pregnant.
Our difficult child has been diagnosed with epilepsy, and he has always had a problem with impulse control and defiance. He has just started taking depakote, and he has regular therapy with a psychiatrist. Does anyone has any suggestions on what we can do to try to prevent our difficult child from leaving the house in the middle of the night? I really don't want to have to sleep on the couch every night, but I can't trust our son to stay in the house. Thanks,

 

[smallworld]

There are alarms that you can attach to either difficult child's door or the entrance doors that will sound and wake you up when difficult child attempts to leave.

In our house, we have locks with keys on the inside of each entrance door that can be locked at night. You could hide the key and difficult child would physically not be able to leave.

Even though the girlfriend brags about having free rein, are you sure her parents know what's been going on? Can you talk to them and come up with a plan that would thwart difficult child at their end if by chance he leaves your house at night?

I'm sure others with more experience will be along shortly.

 

[witzend]

I'm with Smallworld. Alarms for doors and windows, and a phone call to this girl's parents is in order. Are you certain that is where he is going? M used to pull this stuff too. He'd look you in the eye while you made your reasoned arguments, then turn around and sneak off or lie in some other way.

Let us know what the other mom says?

 

[BusynMember]

My daughter used to take her window out and sneak out. I think the alarms are a good idea AND call this girls' parents. Frankly, I called the cops on my daughter when she was out at night and she had to deal with that. If you sent the cops to the girlfriend's house in the middle of the night to apprehend your underage son, girlfriends parents just might get a clue and stop him from coming.

 

[susiestar]

Sorry you have to cope with this. My only experience comes from my gfgbro. My dad NAILED the 4 windows in his room shut when gfgbro was sneaking out. It only led to gfgbro going ina nd out through my room, threatening me if I told. And he would carry through on his threats. It stunk.

Drug test the boy. Also have him tested for STD's. The doctor will give him an AMAZING lecture if they are anything like our doctors. I took my son in because he told me he had unprotected sex. Even though it was WAY past (and I am not 100% sure he really had sex) I still took him to the doctor and told him what happened. And my difficult child had to PAY for the doctor visit!!!! AND the tests!!!

STD's have mutated so they can be doing LOTS of internal damage and have very few symptoms, even in guys. So this is important.

The sneaking out really makes me wonder about drugs. And it is important to be on top of that problem, if it is an issue.

Sending hugs, this is a tough one.

Susie

ps. I do NOT recommend teh nails, it didn't work and was a fire hazard. Alarms are much better.

 

[witzend]

I wanted to add that L was also one to sneak out with boys. She'd tell me that their mothers knew, but their mothers had no idea.

 

[pinevalley]

Thanks so much for the good advice. Do any of you know where I can find the alarms that you talked about? I will check online for the alarms also. I would like to talk to the girlfriend's mother, but she doesn't speak English very well. I have met her several times, and she always seems frazzled by the 4 kids that she has. This girl does not have any plans at all during the summer, and she is free to hang out anytime of the day and night. She actually gave my son a present recently, and the present was one of her bras. I know this because I found the bra in my son's room, and he told me about the gift. I took the bra away from him, and I watch the two of them carefully when they are at my house. I would like to forbid my son from seeing this girl, but I know that if I do this I will push him even closer to her.
Thanks again,

 

[mom_in_training]

Wow, Maybe get a translater and ummm promptly return the bra to her Mother. I was going to PM you just now but the option is not there. I found a listing for alarm systems in going by Suburban Chicago. Just look it up online for the area that you live in. I second what others have said, Get an alarm system. My difficult child started sneaking out when our alarm was in need of repair. Got it repaired when she was at school and started arming the house every night. Her sneaking out was put to an abrupt halt, Lol!! I also have evey door and window in the house set to chime so anytime anybody opens a door or window it beeps twice when the system is unarmed. I too went as far as calling the police on the times that she just walked out being defiant. Giving the police this girls address is a good idea. No guarantees but just maybe when her Mom has to deal with the police she might choose to do something different about her daughters behavior as well as tolorating your son being there when he has no business being there.

 

[TerryJ2]

Hi Pinevalley, nothing to add except support, and agreement with-the other notes here.
Susie, I love the idea of making the kid pay for his own dr visit!

 

[witzend]

You can get window and door alarms that are easy to install at Target or K-Mart or Home Depot.

 

[Nancy]

My difficult child started sneaking out at night at 14 and now 3 years later she is still doing it. We started calling the police on her when she snuck out. If we knew where she was we called the home at whatever time in the morning it was. I figured if we were up so should the parents of the house where she is at or with.

I have to sleep on the couch many times, especially when difficult child has a friend sleep over. We also keep our bedroom door wide open and I sleep with one eye open. I'm ready to buy a guard dog that will wake us up when someone gets up.

Nancy

 

[OpenWindow]

We had the door/window alarms that just beeped when someone opened them. It worked very well when our stepson used to sneak out when he was a teen. It also helped when he missed curfew, we knew what time he came in because we heard the beeps.

 

[meowbunny]

Radio Shack also sells alarms. My daughter was a sneaker. I actually slept in a sleeping bag across the front door once! Scared the heck out of her. Of course, that didn't stop her. What did was me calling the police each and every time she left in the middle of the night. They didn't like chasing her down and let her know it was unacceptable. If they'd had their way, they would have put her juvenile hall after the second time. However, because of her history and a very good police captain, that idea was put on hold.

The police knocking on a friend's door at 3:00 am and waking up the household was not fun -- it was even less fun if she was not there. Her friends would be furious with her the next day. THAT stopped the sneaking out.

 

[CrazyinVA]

All very good suggestions. Just wanted to say that I've been there, done, that too. Hugs.

 

[amazeofgrace]

I can relate, it's why I have jingle bells and wind chimes rigged on all our doors and windows! Both my difficult child's are sneaks

 

[susiestar]

I got cheap alarms at WalMart ages ago. Not sure they still carry them. sometimes they are around the smoke detectors.

I think the bra should be returned to the mother, chances are seh will NOT be happy. Can any of the kids translate??

I do think you need to call the police each and every time he sneaks out to her house. Tell them you think he is there OR at X friends house. They will wake both families up and then peer pressure will come to play.

Remember the drug testing.

 

[mom_in_training]

Hmmmm Does this girl have a father in the home? If so I would graciously hand over the bra to him while explaining that his daughter ummmm gave it to your son as a keepsake. If dads not in the picture then its obvious you will have to just give it to the Mom with a translater to assure that she hears you loud and clear.

 

[Andy]

Another thing they do not like is when you show up to confront them in front of their friends. If my easy child was not home at curfew, I didn't wait for her to come home, I would go and personally tell her it was time to go home. OHHHH did she absolutley hate that -"My friends don't want you at their homes." "I go wherever my child goes! If you are not where you are suppose to be, momma bear gets to come lookin' for ya."

Then after you have done that once or twice, call and tell them if they are not home in 10 minutes, you will come get them - you've done it before so they know you are not bluffing.