Gfgbro issue - need opinions

[susiestar]

My gfgbro called and wanted to come over on the spur of the moment to measure my utility room to put shelves in. I felt horrible, but said OK - but I might not be up and about. (Stomach was upset)

I managed to get the litterbox cleaned out and the laundry out of the way so he could get in there to measure. Then I went and got sick and laid down.

Jess was out there, having completed her school work for the week.

Gfgbro came in with-his 5yo daughter. He couldn't find a measuring tape (there were 2 right in front of his nose) so Jess let him use hers. Then she was helping my niece in the bathroom while he did something, and he called for her to help. She didn't hear him.

After the bathroom, my niece was carrying some snack cakes in a flimsy box all around the living room. Jess asked her to put them down. One cake got dropped.

My gfgbro had a FIT. He left all in a huff because "We both know what really happened here, and it was NOT my daughter's fault"

He had the NERVE to say that!!! He wasn't in the room. He doesn't supervise his child if Jess is around - he goes off and does stuff or talks with adults and just expects Jess to keep an eye on niece. We have spoken about this over and over since niece learned to CRAWL.

I am more than ready to NOT see him again other than major holidays at my parents' home. My kids cannot stand him.

Is there ANYTHING I can do to get him OFF my daughter's back other than just not seeing him? I have tried almost every combination of words I can think of. Talked to him. Written him letters. It just gets worse if I say something.

In the future he won't be able to come over if husband isn't home. Just will tell him it won't work right now. I can't think of another way to deal with him.

It really makes me wonder if he has been drinking again.

Thanks for letting me vent, and for any ideas. Family dynamics are bizarre, aren't they?

 

[house of cards]

I think you have come up with the best answer you can. I would not make an obvious break from him or a big deal out of it at all, but I would remember to avoid him as much as possible during the day with vague "sorry, I can't right now" kind of answers. I would also except that the few times you get stuck, Jess will be babysitting niece til he is gone. I'd offer her some special treat for her efforts.

 

[hearts and roses]

I agree, you've taken every opportunity and step to change the way he behaves in your home and now it's time to just stop. I would not invite him over for anything except the protocols like holidays and special family occasions - if even.

You and your kids do not need to be made to feel uncomfortable in their own home or whenever he is around - that's wrong. And it doesn't matter if he's drinking or not - it is HIS problem and not an excuse.

HUgs - hope you feel better soon.

 

[trinityroyal]

Susie, put my vote in the "I agree" pile as well.
Jess should not have to put up with that from her uncle, you should not have to put up with that in your home, and it's setting a terrible example for the 5 year old.

Sorry that you had to deal with that on top of being sick.

Feel better soon.
Trinity

 

[susiestar]

Just heard from Wiz. He called me on Thurs to see if I could go unlock my parents' house for him as he forgot his house key and needed black pants to help with a show. My car wouldn't start.

He preferred to go volunteer in jeans (just NOT done with this theater group) rather than call my gfgbro to unlock the door!

I didn't know it when gfgbro was here, but it means that ALL of my kids feel that way about him. Each holiday/birthday gfgbro gives my kids a gift to be built/painted with him. Has for 7 years now. And NONE of the projects have ever been done. The few times early on that a kid asked, it was a lecture about how busy he is. Now they would rather pull their teeth out with-o pain medications.

I think it is sad. But it is what it is and I won't ever force them.

husband and I are back to the 2 adults rule - gfgbro cannot come over unless both husband and I are home and in good shape. The kids shouldn't have to deal with him with-o both of us here to intervene.

 

[Shari]

I think you have a good plan. SOrry you have to deal with this, tho. It *shouldn't* have to be like this.