GFGmom may have cancer and is scheduled for a hysterectomy.

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by DDD, Jun 2, 2011.

  1. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    The last few years I have disengaged to save my sanity. I am sorry that she is facing this but I am not emotionally involved. Somehow it just doesn't seem right that I feel
    like I would if a neighbor was facing the surgery. The local Gyn has decided she needs to be operated on by an out of town specialist who evidently is an oncologist as well as a Gyn. I'm feeling a bit guilty that I am not feeling much. DDD
  2. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    DDD, natural reaction in my opinion. No guilt. It is reality. Fact is, she is responsible for your feeling this way.

    I hope everything comes out OK.
  3. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Don't feel guilty, hon.

    Honestly? You clearly care - but you have removed yourself. That's fine, in fact it's great!

  4. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    You have nothing to feel guilty about. You can pray for her and the rest is out of your hands.

  5. Marcie Mac

    Marcie Mac Just Plain Ole Tired

    Am sorry DDD - I have found that,unfortunately, this is a fall out emotion from being forced to disengage from people in your life that have caused you mega grief/pain and left one with unresolved issues to deal with.

    Will keep my fingers crossed and send out some positive juju she will be ok

  6. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Don't feel guilty. In my opinion, after all she has put you through, you are reacting normally. You are not wishing her anything bad. You are wishing her well but are just not emotionally invested. It is what it is. Do as much for her as you are comfortable doing and don't worry about what you should or should not be feeling. -RM
  7. keista

    keista New Member

    Unfortunately, circular thinking as well as circular emotions can make you KooKoo

    If you are feeling guilty, then you are feeling much - guilt. If you are not feeling much, then you should not be feeling guilt.

    It appears that you have successfully disengaged, so your feelings - as if for a neighbor - are exactly appropriate. This is your current reality. Anything else is background noise attempting to corrupt your inner strength.

    Quiet the 'noise' and rejoice in your strength.
  8. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Well, hopefully a hysterectomy will do what is needed and she will be fine. You are feeling exactly what you need to be feeling. Hugs DDD.
  9. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I agree with the others. You're feeling how you feel due to detachment, which is right where it needs to be.

    You have nothing to feel guilty about.

    I hope the surgery goes well for her.

  10. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    3D---I understand---I have the same detachment with my GFGMom---A lot of people don't get it---but it is what it is---and I do feel guilty sometimes too---I know how I should feel--but I just can't feel like a daughter to her.
  11. Star*

    Star* call 911


    I'm sorry for your daughters pain. Hopefully surgery will take care of all her needs, and she'll be well in no time. Take care of yourself. Whatever your involvement, or relationship deep down? You're still her Mom and I know you love her. So I'm sending hugs for you both.