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<blockquote data-quote="Hound dog" data-source="post: 507408" data-attributes="member: 84"><p>Maternal approval is huge, even for a difficult child, even if they're not consciously aware of it. </p><p></p><p>I dunno how katie feels about her biomom, but she does seek my approval. I find it a bit odd, but it's been that way since she was very young. I dunno, maybe it's because I hold her to a much higher standard than her biomom ever did. (same standard I hold the other kids to) </p><p></p><p>I do keep this in mind when dealing with her, and there have been plenty of times when I've sought out something to praise that was positive, even if it was small and basically insignificant to most people. Like I made a huge deal that up to the point where I was last in it, she'd managed to keep the apartment clean and fairly spotless. Now whether it was her doing the work or M doing the work....in my opinion this was pretty big as every other place they've ever lived in was so disgusting getting past the front door required a gas mask and hazard suit. </p><p></p><p>It's my feeble attempt to build up her self esteem a bit, maybe enough that she sees that someone else has faith in her she can do it......that will give her the courage to begin to make changes in her life. Probably too little, too late.......but it doesn't hurt me to toss a little praise out there when I see the opportunity, so why not?</p><p></p><p>I could never do anything right in my mother's eyes, and I do mean anything. Only thing that made a difference is that grandma raised me so I didn't care all that much what she thought. Still....it did bother me, just to a much lesser degree than my sibs. It has only been about the last 4 years or so that she's done an abrupt turn around. Now I can do no wrong. lol It's a bit weird. But then given how my sibs and their children have turned out.......well, guess it's not so surprising.</p><p></p><p>I just don't know what to do with a 32 yr old who is stunted at the age of around 14 in her mental / emotional development. Very Borderline in her thinking/reasoning, very junior high in her social skills. bleh</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Hound dog, post: 507408, member: 84"] Maternal approval is huge, even for a difficult child, even if they're not consciously aware of it. I dunno how katie feels about her biomom, but she does seek my approval. I find it a bit odd, but it's been that way since she was very young. I dunno, maybe it's because I hold her to a much higher standard than her biomom ever did. (same standard I hold the other kids to) I do keep this in mind when dealing with her, and there have been plenty of times when I've sought out something to praise that was positive, even if it was small and basically insignificant to most people. Like I made a huge deal that up to the point where I was last in it, she'd managed to keep the apartment clean and fairly spotless. Now whether it was her doing the work or M doing the work....in my opinion this was pretty big as every other place they've ever lived in was so disgusting getting past the front door required a gas mask and hazard suit. It's my feeble attempt to build up her self esteem a bit, maybe enough that she sees that someone else has faith in her she can do it......that will give her the courage to begin to make changes in her life. Probably too little, too late.......but it doesn't hurt me to toss a little praise out there when I see the opportunity, so why not? I could never do anything right in my mother's eyes, and I do mean anything. Only thing that made a difference is that grandma raised me so I didn't care all that much what she thought. Still....it did bother me, just to a much lesser degree than my sibs. It has only been about the last 4 years or so that she's done an abrupt turn around. Now I can do no wrong. lol It's a bit weird. But then given how my sibs and their children have turned out.......well, guess it's not so surprising. I just don't know what to do with a 32 yr old who is stunted at the age of around 14 in her mental / emotional development. Very Borderline in her thinking/reasoning, very junior high in her social skills. bleh [/QUOTE]
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