Gig is starving

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Annie2007, Jul 31, 2014.

  1. Annie2007

    Annie2007 Member

    Latest text tonight is he is starving. Yesterday he sent text telling me to send money to restaurant 3700 miles away so he could eat. I did not respond. He called house phone and hung up on vm 20 times in 15 minutes! Also called my home office and cell. No response is hard. What if.....he is really starving....what if he is lying. What if....what if....this nightmare is never going away. This has been going on one way or another since he was 14. And now he is 33...

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  2. Childofmine

    Childofmine trying to do this thing one day at a time Staff Member

    One thing I know is this: there is so much food available for people like our difficult children: shelters, churches, food banks, panhandling, food stamps, even trash cans.

    There is plenty of food out there.

    I took an inventory of difficult child's food sources in this town of 120,000. Two meals a day at the day shelter on weekdays. Two meals a day at the salvation army seven days. Food stamps of $187 for July. One meal on Saturday from a church and one meal on Sunday. That does not even count the other sources I listed. So rest easy on this one Annie.

    They know we can't stand to think of them hungry.

    You are doing the right thing Annie. Stay the course. Hang in there.
  3. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Annie, COM is right, he is not starving. He is 33 years old, he is not 7. Even a 15 year old can figure out where to get food.

    And, if he gets hungry enough, perhaps he will change, get help, do what is necessary to get himself out of this mess he's in.

    Annie we've forgotten your stats, please make a signature. Go to your screen name at the top right of this page and click on it, then click on signature, write it and save it, so we can recall your story and respond accordingly.

    I hope you're getting support for yourself. It's necessary for us to take care of ourselves because these difficult child's will suck all the life out of us and ruin what's left of our lives if WE LET THEM. Don't let your son do this to you anymore. I think 19 years is way enough time on this merry go round, don't you? You can get off. He won't but you can. Get off and get support, as much as you can find.

    You may want to read the article on detachment at the bottom of my post here if you haven't already.

    Hang in there, we're here if you need us, we know how you feel, we've all been there. Get some rest and when you wake up, make it a good day, a day for YOU, nourish yourself, love yourself, keep your focus on yourself, do kind things for YOU, change your perspective, make yourself the most important person in your life, because you are........... take care of YOU.
  4. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member

    Annie, I was going through the same thing you are now, when my son was your son's age.

    I am sorry this is happening to you, Annie. The truth about both our situations is this: Our sons are grown men following a very wrong path. We have done everything we knew or could learn to help them turn their lives around and things have only gotten worse.

    Something has to change.

    We cannot control anyone else; we cannot force our children to change, or they would already be so changed as to be unrecognizable and neither of us would be here.

    So we have to change the only thing we can, Annie.


    We can change how we think about and respond to our sons, and that will change everything.

    If you haven't read the information on detachment at the top of the P.E. site Annie, please take a few minutes to do that.

    The thoughts and ideas there are a good place to begin.

  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    He's starving for drugs. Street people help one another and know all the sources for food, of which there are many. He is a middle age man. He can figure out where to eat, but I doubt that's what he wants the money for. And if he really is in such a sad place that he can't figure it out, suggest he go to a hospital or rehab for treatment. He will also get fed. Even going to the police department, they will direct him to where he can get help and eat and may feed him. By his age, assume he knows and is just looking for you to give him something.

    Hugs for your hurting mommy heart.
  6. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    So much good advice and support...I will add many gentle HUGS....
  7. Annie2007

    Annie2007 Member

    My son is homeless in Waikiki Hi. Please pray he is ok through the two approaching hurricanes. Hopefully he will go to a shelter, but I doubt it.

    Sent using ConductDisorders mobile app
  8. Childofmine

    Childofmine trying to do this thing one day at a time Staff Member

    Hi Annie, I am praying for your son and I am praying for peace for you tonight. I am sure there are so many services available right now in Hawaii for everybody and I so hope your son will be right there with them all, and come through these storms safely.

    Warm Hugs. Hang in there.
  9. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Take heart. THIS time he may be forced, whether he likes it or not. Just like people are forced to evacuate their homes.
    Hugs and good wishes.
  10. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    Your son, and all the people there, are in my prayers tonight.

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  11. Annie2007

    Annie2007 Member

    We'll he called tonight and barely mentioned the storm. Says he is living in a cardboard box and demanded I send him money for a week in a hotel. He has already spent his $950.00 disability check he got on the 3 rd. says he spent it on food. Seemed unconcerned that another hurricane is on the way. I just don't get it but would not send him money.

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  12. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Good for you for staying strong!!! He has always found his way and managed for this long....I think that is proof positive he is very resourceful. Don't you wish the energy put into surviving could be put into getting a job? Frustrating and hard to watch for sure.

    Detaching is the only way. Stay strong and do something for yourself today!
  13. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    Sounds like he was eating at 5 star establishments.
  14. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member

    I am glad you said no, Annie.

    When difficult child daughter was homeless, we sent money every week. Later, we learned that not only had the money gone for drugs or alcohol, but that she was being beat for it.

    She would call wanting hotel rooms, too.

    When daughter first went homeless, she blew through more than $5,000 in a matter of weeks.

    When your son calls do you feel? You sound like I used to, achingly vulnerable and afraid.

    Your son is a man, Annie.

    You raised him better than to do what he is doing.

    Are you making a special effort to take very good care of yourself during this time? We all need to learn to do that, or the pain of the things happening to our kids will begin to affect our own health, our other children, our careers and marriages.

    Be strong, Annie.

    We have been where you are. You are going to come through this.

  15. Annie2007

    Annie2007 Member

    He called last night. I had just walked in from working 12 hours.answered thinking he had news about the hurricane. But he seem unphased about it. He wanted a couple of hundred for a hotel. He said he knows and my bankers know I have money(?). So he went through 950 since getting his check on the 3rd for food he said. I told him no and he said he is sleeping in a cardboard box. Then this morning he left a very vulgar vm on my phone. It was 8:30 our time and 3:30 am his. He said it was raining and where the f--- was I, mother f------ lovely way to start the day. You know, I record and watch the show Intervention all the time and wish we could do that!

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  16. Childofmine

    Childofmine trying to do this thing one day at a time Staff Member

    Stay the course Annie. If you did send money all that would be accomplished is that you would be out that much money and he would be calling you for more within days.

    The first thing that was emphasized to me was this: stop the flow of money from you to him.

    And guess what? difficult child is doing just fine. He has lots of choices for a place to lay his head but he chooses the street.

    I can promise you Annie that tonight in Hawaii there are multiple places he can stay, no questions asked.

    He is choosing not to. His choice. Don't get sucked into his drama Annie.

    Sent using ConductDisorders mobile app
  17. GuideMe

    GuideMe Active Member

    I have to agree with the others and he gets a $950.00 check every month and it's already gone??? Me and my daughter had to live on less monthly! What the heck!
  18. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    What did he spend $950 on? Drugs?

    I would tell him "no." I'm sure Hawaii has shelters, many more now because of the weather. However, I'm also sure he can't use drugs while being there so maybe he doesn't want to be there for that reason. My guess is that is where his money went.

    If you listen to his voicemails, as soon as he swears, delete it. Why listen to his anger at you not funding his drug use?