give me some insights into depressed kids....
- Thread starter pepperidge
- Start date
Malika
Well-Known Member
Yes.... but people say those things not because they (if they stopped and really thought about it) really think that a seriously depressed person CAN just snap out of it but because they cannot face the feelings of pain and helplessness that come up in themselves when they see the other person's visible suffering.
BusynMember
Well-Known Member
My own experience has been that people say it because they think you are wallowing in self-pity with no right to be sad. They don't understand that it is as physical a disorder as diabetes. You can die from depression. Many do.
Because "normal" people can regulate their moods, often they feel YOU can do the same. And, being depressed, you have little to no self-esteem anyway (that also goes with it) and you start to think, "Maybe I'm defective because I have no reason to be depressed, yet here I am...barely able to lift my head off the pillow. Maybe it would be best if I just killed myself. I'm just a burden on the people who love me. They're better off without me."
Other things that would just make me sink even lower and give me less hope:
"Think of how lucky you are compared to the starving people in Africa."
"You must like being miserable." (My Mom used to say this)
"Can't you function without your happy pills?" (Antidepressants. Actually...no, I can't).
The list is endless. They are things you would NEVER say to somebody who had pneumonia and couldn't get out of bed and do chores or attend well in school or think clearly or who take antibiotics. And the fact is, depression is just as much an illness as pneumonia.
Because "normal" people can regulate their moods, often they feel YOU can do the same. And, being depressed, you have little to no self-esteem anyway (that also goes with it) and you start to think, "Maybe I'm defective because I have no reason to be depressed, yet here I am...barely able to lift my head off the pillow. Maybe it would be best if I just killed myself. I'm just a burden on the people who love me. They're better off without me."
Other things that would just make me sink even lower and give me less hope:
"Think of how lucky you are compared to the starving people in Africa."
"You must like being miserable." (My Mom used to say this)
"Can't you function without your happy pills?" (Antidepressants. Actually...no, I can't).
The list is endless. They are things you would NEVER say to somebody who had pneumonia and couldn't get out of bed and do chores or attend well in school or think clearly or who take antibiotics. And the fact is, depression is just as much an illness as pneumonia.
Malika
Well-Known Member
I'm sure this is right, MWM. But I guess at least we have more knowledge and understanding that depression IS an illness now, compared to the past?
flutterby
Fly away!
There is more awareness, but I have found that some people - my own family included - are completely unable to stand outside of themselves for a minute and imagine what it (or another physical or psychiatric condition) might be like.
When I was hospitalized 9 years ago, bordering on a psychotic depression, my mom was ****** off at me. When I was admitted, she turned to me and sneered, "How are you going to get yourself out of this one?" In her mind, I was just running away to the hospital because I made some bad choices/decisions. Nevermind that I had never been hospitalized for anything before in my life, or that I never exhibited attention-seeking behavior. Almost 10 years later and she's *starting* to understand that bad decisions didn't make me depressed; I made bad decisions because I was so severely depressed. And it wasn't like they were earth shattering, life threatening bad decisions. I quit my job - with a 6 week notice - plenty of time to find another. That was the "bad decision" I was running away from, in her mind. And I can't tell you how many times I've explained it, broken it down, given her things to read, etc, ad nauseum.
And to this day, easy child wasn't really depressed if you ask her. He just didn't like the guy I was dating. That's why at 11 years old, he was going to go to his dad's, pretend he was getting something out of the basement, get his gun, and shoot himself in the head. Nevermind that he started seeing a psychologist and was prescribed medicine for depression 3 full months before I started dating this guy.
Sigh...
Sorry to hijack your thread, Pepperidge. It just brought some things up.
When I was hospitalized 9 years ago, bordering on a psychotic depression, my mom was ****** off at me. When I was admitted, she turned to me and sneered, "How are you going to get yourself out of this one?" In her mind, I was just running away to the hospital because I made some bad choices/decisions. Nevermind that I had never been hospitalized for anything before in my life, or that I never exhibited attention-seeking behavior. Almost 10 years later and she's *starting* to understand that bad decisions didn't make me depressed; I made bad decisions because I was so severely depressed. And it wasn't like they were earth shattering, life threatening bad decisions. I quit my job - with a 6 week notice - plenty of time to find another. That was the "bad decision" I was running away from, in her mind. And I can't tell you how many times I've explained it, broken it down, given her things to read, etc, ad nauseum.
And to this day, easy child wasn't really depressed if you ask her. He just didn't like the guy I was dating. That's why at 11 years old, he was going to go to his dad's, pretend he was getting something out of the basement, get his gun, and shoot himself in the head. Nevermind that he started seeing a psychologist and was prescribed medicine for depression 3 full months before I started dating this guy.
Sigh...
Sorry to hijack your thread, Pepperidge. It just brought some things up.
There's circles of support around - the medical community and mental health community are a bit more that way, but it's not a guarantee. School? still back in the dark ages, in my experience. General public? really mixed bag - probably depends more on personal experience than generalized knowledge and understanding.
Chaosuncontained
New Member
I've been depressed as far back as I can remember. Started as a result of sexual abuse, parents divorcing, Mom remarrying... Progressed to me leaving home to live with my Aunt... where I felt more like a visitor than a family member. I don't mean they treated me that way--I just FELT that way. I married young, was in love and thought that would solve my problems. It didn't. He was controlling. I became more depressed. Thinking I deserved it. Then I had easy child#1. Gave me something to live for. 10 years later...after 2 miscarriages and medical "help" we had #2...then 15 months later, #3 (Carson) and 3 years after THAT...#4. Depressed. all though it all. On Zoloft when PG with Carson.
Therapy didn't help me. Or it would for a short time...then I'd feel I was wasting everyones time and money. Anti depressants didn't help for very long either. Six months after #4 was born I was dignosed as having Bipolar Disorder.
I had THOUGHT about suicide up until then. Then I actually had a plan...and I was going to take my 6 month old with me. Very delusional thinking. Going in hospital, getting different therapy and medication helped me. But I still have major mood swings between happy/normal (hypomania) and crazy, mean
*****.
I hope you find his "key"... But I seriously doubt that staying with a friend is going to help. You can't depend on someone else to make or keep you happy... just doesn't work that way.
HUGS
Therapy didn't help me. Or it would for a short time...then I'd feel I was wasting everyones time and money. Anti depressants didn't help for very long either. Six months after #4 was born I was dignosed as having Bipolar Disorder.
I had THOUGHT about suicide up until then. Then I actually had a plan...and I was going to take my 6 month old with me. Very delusional thinking. Going in hospital, getting different therapy and medication helped me. But I still have major mood swings between happy/normal (hypomania) and crazy, mean
*****. I hope you find his "key"... But I seriously doubt that staying with a friend is going to help. You can't depend on someone else to make or keep you happy... just doesn't work that way.
HUGS
Steely
Active Member
Whew....sorry to totally bogart your thread Pepperidge....hope this doesn't make YOU depressed. ((hugs)).
I do think that depression does not get enough legitimacy in the real world. If you have bi-polar, or psychotic breaks, people seem to take you more seriously. But if you struggle with depression, you usually get the pat on the head.
Perhaps some of this has to do with the fact that SO many people now take anti-depressants. And some who take them are clinically deeply depressed, and others who take them are only mildly depressed, and others who take them are situationally depressed. That really muddies the waters of what depression means to a lot of outside people.
I also do not think the media does a good job of portraying depression as a mental illness, or even the educational system. It tends to be the white elephant in the room, that no one really takes the time to understand - unlike other mental illnesses where the behaviors are more outrageous or demonstrative and others have no choice other than to believe there is really something wrong.
I do think that depression does not get enough legitimacy in the real world. If you have bi-polar, or psychotic breaks, people seem to take you more seriously. But if you struggle with depression, you usually get the pat on the head.
Perhaps some of this has to do with the fact that SO many people now take anti-depressants. And some who take them are clinically deeply depressed, and others who take them are only mildly depressed, and others who take them are situationally depressed. That really muddies the waters of what depression means to a lot of outside people.
I also do not think the media does a good job of portraying depression as a mental illness, or even the educational system. It tends to be the white elephant in the room, that no one really takes the time to understand - unlike other mental illnesses where the behaviors are more outrageous or demonstrative and others have no choice other than to believe there is really something wrong.
BusynMember
Well-Known Member
You'd be amazed at how many people discount even schizophrenia and bipolar. How many juries are shown proof of mental illness and find the person guilty because he was "faking it." Many people think Andrea Yates should have received the death penalty, in spite of her psychosis.
Unless you are sitting in a wheelchair, there are always people who discount that you are really ill.
Unless you are sitting in a wheelchair, there are always people who discount that you are really ill.
Even with physically obvious disabilities... there are always people who discount how ill you really are. AND people who go to the other extreme and assume you can do nothing and have no brains.
Human nature abhors weakness. Mankind is full of it. Makes life rather challenging for most of us, I think.
