Give up, give in, or run away?

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by CCRidr2, Oct 8, 2007.

  1. CCRidr2

    CCRidr2 Sheena-Warrior Momma

    Hello all, it's been awhile since I've been in here and just need to vent. Today difficult child's teacher called about his behavior at school today. :9-07tears: He's in 4th grade this year and it's been HORRIBLE since DAY 1. This is the kid who usually takes a month or 6 weeks to start the acting out, that's how long it takes him to "feel out" his new teachers. USUALLY! Not this year!

    He won't do his homework or lies and says he did it (hasn't turned in all his homework once), his behavior has been horrific, and he's refusing or "forgetting" to turn in his class work. We've only been back to school for 7 weeks and I am soooooooo tired already I don't know how I am going to make it through the week much less the rest of the school year.

    We've tried grounding him, it doesn't work. He just keeps getting in bigger trouble. We've never had this many problems this early in the school year! Summer was horrific also, he started just leaving the house and going places without telling anyone leaving us to run around the neighborhood CRAZY with fear looking for him.

    Does anyone out there ever feel like giving up? I just don't have a CLUE what to do anymore! UGH! :bloodshot:

    Anyway, thanks for letting me vent. :rolleyes:
  2. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    {{{Hugs}}} I think we've all been there. Some of us spend a lot of time there. Do you think it's possible it may be time for a re-evaluation? His medications may need adjusting or he may be growing into a new diagnosis altogether. Your signature says bio-mom has BiPolar (BP), it is possible that difficult child may have it as well. As for school, does he have an IEP? Any accommodations?
  3. guest3

    guest3 Guest

    Sounds like my difficult child I, he's 16 now and has been playing this song since 5th grade, which is why he's in his second year of 9th grade and wants to drop out, you can only do so much, then the consequences need Occupational Therapist (OT) be felt, of course my difficult child I has had many and seems to not feel a thing although I am convinced when his pals are graduating and he's not he'll feel it
  4. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    I've never felt like giving up, but, boy, have I wanted to run away! Far, far away. The farther the better. There were times when I wasn't sure Alpha Centuri would be far enough.

    I wonder if he and his teacher clashed on day one. I know this happened with my daughter in 5th grade. Teacher told her to sit down NOW and, no, she couldn't have a drink. That was it for her. There was no way anyone was going to get her to do any classwork, let alone homework. She spent more time in the principal's office doing her work there than she did in the classroom.

    On top of a battle with her teacher, fifth grade was also the start of pre-puberty for her. Until she actually started her menses at age 12, she was sheer misery to be around. I don't know if boys have these pre-puberty issues but it might be worth considering. I also agree that it is time to get him re-evaluated. As hormones increase, as our kids get older, more and more chemical imbalances can and frequently do occur.

    HUGS (and good luck).
  5. branbran

    branbran New Member

    I often feel like giving up and running away!! Sometimes it gets to be too much, the thought of one more minute of this horror is too much to bear. I think we have all been there quite a few times and will be there quite a few more times. My daughter has struggled in school since pre-k, the homework battle was hell every night of the week. I used to have to sit with her and do her homework with her, I did that up until she went into her first Residential Treatment Center (RTC), when she was 15. I was always jealous of the parents who just had to tell their children to do their homework and boom it got done. Sometimes the homework wars got so bad we would both end up in tears. I agree with tiredmommy, maybe it's time for a re-evaluation, maybe he isn't in the right class. I found my difficult child did better once she went into Special Education. At first I was dead set against it, for fear she would be ridiculed, however it was just the opposite. She fit in better, she didn't stand out as "the bad kid" in class and didn't feel the need to act out as much. In Special Education she truly was with her peers, kids who were like her, kids who she could relate to. Just a thought.

    Do runaway, to the bathtub, light some candles and let Calgon take you away!!! Hang in there. :smile:
  6. ahhhlife

    ahhhlife New Member

    I can relate to everyone my son is 16 just been suspended for 3 days goes back tomorrow. He is in Special Education with the only resource teacher in highschool that he also had in 8th grade and didnt get along with all year. She told him on the first day to act his age he is mouthy to her but she also comes across as being rude. He gets so frustrated because he struggles with his reading and writing. He told her that reading makes him sick. She sends him to the office and he gets into it with the assistant principal and my son tells him he is sick of his ----. Im afraid that he is going to want to quit even thought he really wants his diploma...I feel like runny away most days.
  7. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh yeah I've felt like it but keep on going any ways. I'm sorry your difficult child is struggling with school this year. Fourth grade was really bad for my son-the teachers were not a good match. Does difficult child have an IEP? Are homework amounts modified?
  8. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Oh, gosh, running away sounds great. Can I go with-you?

    Sorry, you wanted advice, I'm sure.

    Gosh, he's got quite a history. Do the teachers have ideas? Does he like ANY classes?

    What do you do for rewards and punishments?

    Grounding doesn't work for my son. He'll generally stay home, but it has no effect on his behavior, in general. The things that hit him big are video games and TV, and grounding him off of the neighbors' Gameboys, etc. Also, the child psychiatric suggested bringing him to his baseball games and benching him. That was brilliant!

    Our son generally stays after school and does his homework with-the rest of the after-school kids, then goes outside to play. The peer pressure works better than anything Mom cooks up. Maybe you could try something like that?
  9. CCRidr2

    CCRidr2 Sheena-Warrior Momma

    Thank you all so much! I just kinda snapped yesterday! :crazy2: He does not have an IEP.......yet. He's always been an A/B student and the school didn't see the need for one. This year is not the same, he's got 2 C's, not because of lack of understanding the material but from lack of effort put in.

    I hadn't thought of the hormone issue, he's so emotionally immature that I forget he is almost 10. Good thing is we have a doctor appointment in a few weeks. I have been thinking that lately his diagnosis is possibly morphing into Early Onset Bi-Polar (EOBP) so I'll go over it with the doctor. And I did email the VP to see if we can get him started on an IEP. I felt better after I calmed down, made dinner, and :smile:.

    Oh is another day closer to the end of the school year! :smile: He says he loves his teacher, that was one of the first things I asked because he's touchy and if someone rubs him the wrong way once, it's all over, you don't exist.

    We tried the reward system, star charts, taking his bike away stuff like that but it only bothers him for the time it takes for him to throw a fit. husband finally grounded him from EVERYTHING....took everything out of his room except for his clothes, still we get nothing. husband's bullheaded-ness will probably end in a few days but until then difficult child is content to sit on his bed and make shooting noises and play with his fingers.
  10. Kjs

    Kjs Guest

    I am with you. Always school struggles. I just don't understand how he can do his work and not turn it in. Or not do it at all. Forget everything. AGGHHH.

    difficult child is in 8th grade. Always been good academically. Skipped a grade early on. He has had an IEP for several years. Not for his academics specifically, but more for his behavior and setting things up so he can better handle his frustration and anxiety and anger without getting kicked out of class.

    This year is tough. Has an IEP, has things in place, but also in honors classes. The teachers don't want to bother with the IEP. So, he spends much of his time out of class. He isn't learning and for me to spend hours and hours trying to explain what he should of been in class learning is driving me nuts.

    I also want to just give up, or run away.
  11. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Even my easy child used to do her work and then leave it shoved inside her desk. Arrrgh! How to go from an A to an incomplete in one easy step.

    My 10-1/2-yr-old son already has major league BO and hair under his armpits. Hormones, indeed!

    Good luck.
  12. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    Many Many times I have wanted to just quit and run a way, but I get over it and move on. It is very hard. I have found that I tend to make mountains out of mole hills when it comes to positive things, as sometimes they are so few and far between. Last year was horrible, and the year before wasn't much better. So far we have had a few bumps, but no mountains yet. Hang in there..
  13. OpenWindow

    OpenWindow Active Member

    I really, really, really want to quit too.

    Luckily, school has a handle on difficult child now. He's in a self-contained class most of the day and does his homework there, otherwise it wouldn't get done. He's had less incidents at school so everyone is telling me he's doing great. I just know it is because of the self-contained class, and I'm not convinced it's teaching difficult child how to get along with others. But at least his grades are better this year because he is actually doing the work. And, he's only been suspended once (only the parent of a difficult child would think that's a good thing!).

    I'd push for a no homework clause in the IEP. I also don't punish him for things that happen at school at home. Makes home life better. Things have been so rotten this year with difficult child at home, we'd never have any positive times if I added on punishments for things that happen at school. I look at that as their job. I talk to him about it, but don't punish him.

  14. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I can not believe how many parents are told the child's grades do not warrant an IEP. Myself included.

    The grades do not really matter. It can be for the behavior. If you feel he needs some sort of support at school, fight for it.

    In my case, I felt my difficult children grades should have been better as she was having trouble paying attention and getting her homework done. I would tell them how the evening homework would be a battle and ended in one of us in tears every night. They did not care, she had As and Bs. The lack of support at that time period, I am convinced, is what caused the downward spiral that today is all Fs.