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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 141590" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>CaroleAnn, </p><p> </p><p>I used to believe that in order to get respect you had to give respect. And I do. I am respectful to everyone I meet. Or I try to at least treat them no matter who they are like I want to be treated. </p><p> </p><p>Your girls would not treat their friends like they treat you. They wouldn't treat a potential boy friend like they treat you. If I have any idea of how you feel - most days they would literally treat a total STRANGER nicer than they treat their own Mom. And then I asked myself WHY? </p><p> </p><p>The answer is simple - My son treated me like he did because I allowed him to. I felt so much guilt over his childhood and what his biofather did to him that I over compensated and over looked so many things for so long that it became habit. </p><p> </p><p>In your case (guessing) you've been dealing with difficult child, her pregnancy shennanigans, her life and her disruptive behaviors so long - these other two have seen it and think - HEY I'm going to try that. And so they do with you but not with a stranger because if they pulled the same crud on a stranger do you think the stranger would say "Now that isnt' nice?" or "Go to your room!" heck no - a stranger is going to give it back to them like they dished it out...that's what keeps them from doing it to others. </p><p> </p><p>The fact that you like this friend and that you value her opinion made it all the more painful for you, but you know your friend is right. She loves you and since she can't/won't say anything to your girls about how they treat you she did the only thing she could to salvage your friendship. She won't have them back anymore. She won't have to listen to someone she loves and cares about be belittled. I feel for you but think she's a true friend. I am not able to hold my tongue with rude children and will speak my mind in my own home. </p><p> </p><p>As far as lowering the boom - Good for you. Lay it on the line sister. I would (as your friend) tell you that if your girls are going to continue their charades and level of disrespect? They are bored and don't have enough to do. YOU on the other hand may sit and watch them clean, do laundry, wash walls, scrub floors, wash your car, vaccum it out - clean out the garage - drop them off to volunteer at an animal shelter or a good will or salvation army. I'd call the school and ask the guidance counselor what programs are available that need volunteers and I'd farm them out until they could keep their mouths SHUT in an adult conversation and if they DID want to do something in my friends home it would be with MAY I and THANK you plus PLEASE. </p><p> </p><p>I AM BEHIND YOUR REVOLUTION 100% - Tell 'em you're either going to put your foot DOWN or UP - their choice - but make sure for the crud they pulled at your friends home - THAT THERE IS A PUNISHMENT. </p><p> </p><p>Shaking your butt with a mouth full of candy? GUESS WHAT - there is the clock - you will stand in front of me for ONE HOUR with a mouth full of something and shake your hiney to the wall for the full hour - then we'll see how much you like to shake your booty - ONE WHOLE HOUR of non stop shaking.......and you sit on the couch...and hum or knit or read a book only stopping to tell her GET SHAKIN' - you thought it was all the rage at 'friends' house - </p><p> </p><p>As for the one who has told you you cost her her grade because you didn't buy a printer? I would say ONE MONTH without a computer access is fine. No printer ? Shouldn't need a computer either.....she can walk to the public library and use their computers AND GUESS WHAT? THEY have printers!! Lucky her. </p><p> </p><p>Then stick to it - Don't engage in a battle of explaining - YOU SAID IT - NOW THEY DO IT and you don't explain any more - PERIOD!!!! DETACH, DETACH, DETACH - </p><p>And tell them they can send all their complaints to the two little darlings who showed up last night at the friends house and were SO incredibly rude. </p><p> </p><p>THEN a task for BOTH of them - and that will conclude the punishment for being jerks. And tell them whatever it is you want - maybe clean your car in and out - then leave a bucket and cleaner out for them and a vaccum and say YOU HAVE ONE HOUR. </p><p> </p><p>And if they don't complete THAT? Fine - NOW you are taking away TV from each for a week. </p><p> </p><p>NO SECOND CHANCES - get busy! </p><p> </p><p>YOU GO GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 141590, member: 4964"] CaroleAnn, I used to believe that in order to get respect you had to give respect. And I do. I am respectful to everyone I meet. Or I try to at least treat them no matter who they are like I want to be treated. Your girls would not treat their friends like they treat you. They wouldn't treat a potential boy friend like they treat you. If I have any idea of how you feel - most days they would literally treat a total STRANGER nicer than they treat their own Mom. And then I asked myself WHY? The answer is simple - My son treated me like he did because I allowed him to. I felt so much guilt over his childhood and what his biofather did to him that I over compensated and over looked so many things for so long that it became habit. In your case (guessing) you've been dealing with difficult child, her pregnancy shennanigans, her life and her disruptive behaviors so long - these other two have seen it and think - HEY I'm going to try that. And so they do with you but not with a stranger because if they pulled the same crud on a stranger do you think the stranger would say "Now that isnt' nice?" or "Go to your room!" heck no - a stranger is going to give it back to them like they dished it out...that's what keeps them from doing it to others. The fact that you like this friend and that you value her opinion made it all the more painful for you, but you know your friend is right. She loves you and since she can't/won't say anything to your girls about how they treat you she did the only thing she could to salvage your friendship. She won't have them back anymore. She won't have to listen to someone she loves and cares about be belittled. I feel for you but think she's a true friend. I am not able to hold my tongue with rude children and will speak my mind in my own home. As far as lowering the boom - Good for you. Lay it on the line sister. I would (as your friend) tell you that if your girls are going to continue their charades and level of disrespect? They are bored and don't have enough to do. YOU on the other hand may sit and watch them clean, do laundry, wash walls, scrub floors, wash your car, vaccum it out - clean out the garage - drop them off to volunteer at an animal shelter or a good will or salvation army. I'd call the school and ask the guidance counselor what programs are available that need volunteers and I'd farm them out until they could keep their mouths SHUT in an adult conversation and if they DID want to do something in my friends home it would be with MAY I and THANK you plus PLEASE. I AM BEHIND YOUR REVOLUTION 100% - Tell 'em you're either going to put your foot DOWN or UP - their choice - but make sure for the crud they pulled at your friends home - THAT THERE IS A PUNISHMENT. Shaking your butt with a mouth full of candy? GUESS WHAT - there is the clock - you will stand in front of me for ONE HOUR with a mouth full of something and shake your hiney to the wall for the full hour - then we'll see how much you like to shake your booty - ONE WHOLE HOUR of non stop shaking.......and you sit on the couch...and hum or knit or read a book only stopping to tell her GET SHAKIN' - you thought it was all the rage at 'friends' house - As for the one who has told you you cost her her grade because you didn't buy a printer? I would say ONE MONTH without a computer access is fine. No printer ? Shouldn't need a computer either.....she can walk to the public library and use their computers AND GUESS WHAT? THEY have printers!! Lucky her. Then stick to it - Don't engage in a battle of explaining - YOU SAID IT - NOW THEY DO IT and you don't explain any more - PERIOD!!!! DETACH, DETACH, DETACH - And tell them they can send all their complaints to the two little darlings who showed up last night at the friends house and were SO incredibly rude. THEN a task for BOTH of them - and that will conclude the punishment for being jerks. And tell them whatever it is you want - maybe clean your car in and out - then leave a bucket and cleaner out for them and a vaccum and say YOU HAVE ONE HOUR. And if they don't complete THAT? Fine - NOW you are taking away TV from each for a week. NO SECOND CHANCES - get busy! YOU GO GIRL!!!!!!!!!!! [/QUOTE]
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