Glad I found this site...many of you have been there, or are there..whats next?

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by rosepress, Mar 19, 2013.

  1. rosepress

    rosepress New Member

    I appreciated the responses I got...makes us feel like we are not alone. I know you have heard this many, many times, but I never thought we would be going through this. My husband and I are Christians, brought our children up with the love of God, respect for people, and always taught them the dangers of drugs. No abuse, no broken home or issues, which only shows this could happen to any family. People look at us as if to wonder what kind of parents we are and have been. I remind people, even Pastor's kids go down the wrong paths. I have friends who smoked weed all through their school days and they have raised the best kids, kids who didnt do drugs, went to college, have a family...where did we go wrong? No one, I mean no one knows what you go through unless you experience it first hand.

    With that being said, I wannt to know what you guys think will happen next? My son, from what I hear is living in his car, sometimes, he stays at the homes of friend's parents. He doesnt work, so I gather he is selling to get by. He has his car and phone as an "office". We can not believe he hasnt been pulled over and arrested yet. He has a court date coming up soon from a priar possestion charge which I know there is no way he could have come up with the money, so if he dont show or pay, there will be a warrant out for his arrest. Does the courts order a mandatory drug rehab for kids like this? Does anyone know how much time they get in jail? Does jail time "get" to them?

    I told my husband last night, I dont know what will happen when and if his car breaks down? Its his only possesion that he relys on. He has drove it to the ground so it will not last much longer. I just wonder what will happen next? I just know that soon, something has to give and it wont be pretty. I just would like to know what usually happens next if they get busted. Thanks guys.
  2. Zardo

    Zardo Member

    Hi Rose- I so know what you're feeling right now. The search for answers in the times of crisis is all consuming. I am feeling it myself these days. The hard truth of the situation is that no one can tell you or me what is to come next. It differs for different people. With all that my difficult child has been through, you would think that he would be working hard at developing a new life and feeling true remorse for where he went wrong, but I don't think that will happen right now. On this board and in my parent support group, there are as many different versions of denial and recovery as there are people. "Rock bottom" is different for everyone. Some of the stories in my support group include multiple arrests, jail time and yet still no recovery. For others, it's one brush with the law and they right their ways. There is no way to foresee what your difficult children journey will be. So - what do we do to find peace? That is the answer you and I should be trying to focus our efforts on. We need to let their journey be theirs, not personalize their drama and failures and harbor anger toward them. Assure them of our love, but also our boundaries and let them know that we are here to support their recovery when they are ready. When they are in times of denial, we must bolster our ability to detach and not let their illness define our days. I say all of this knowing that I am struggling to find this place myself, but I know it is where I too need to be. I wish you peace.
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member is good you are a Christian. Then "Let go and let God" will make sense to you as will this, my favorite go-to verse when I feel powerless:
    God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change,
    the courage to change the things I can,
    And the wisdom to know the difference. (I used to wear a serenity prayer necklace).

    There is absolutely nothing you can do. If you are a believer then try to let go and allow God to be his guide and hope that he follows Him. I am not a Christian, but have a very strong, enduring belief in a higher power and I always feel a bit better when I give my helplessness over to my HP. At the same time, I strong recommend attending Narc-Anon meetings for exhausted and worried parents of children who have gone the drug abuse route. I clung to my meetings when my daughter was so entrenched in drugs that I thought she was either going to end up in jail or die, with my preference being jail. It is comforting to find the strength in others who are either going through the same thing or who have been there already.

    If this helps, my daughter was heavily drenched in all kinds of dangerous drugs until she turned nineteen (but she started at twelve...yes,, we had no clue; we still thought she was a child). She did pot, ADHD drugs crunched into pillcrushers and snorted (a favorite), coke, meth and even tried heroin. SHE QUIT!!!! I am not saying this is the norm...but it does happen. So never ever give up the ship. We had no hope that Daughter would EVER stop using drugs and, along with the using, there was the selling and the paying on loan and the drug dealers after her.
    So try to find some peace for yourself in spite of this because this next step is up to him. And you are right that his upbringing has NOTHING to do with it. You were good, caring parents teaching him strong values. Just that peers sometimes overwhelm kids and become more important than parents during certain key years. Why one child gives into peer pressure and one does not is a mystery to me as none of my other kids was involved with drugs.

    Be good to yourselves and seek out help for the rest of your family and Keep the Faith!