Gluton for Punishment

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by ceecee, Mar 11, 2011.

  1. ceecee

    ceecee New Member

    I initally posted 1 month ago regarding my 19 yr son. After much soul searching and deliberation my husband and I decided to let him come back home. Well it barely lasted a month. I found drugs in my home less than a week later and things just continue to spiral downhill from there. In total. I have found drugs about 5 times, most recently Tuesday and Wedsday this week. Well the last straw occurred about 3:00 this morning. My son knocked on my bedroom door to ask me if I had anything for pain. I told him yes, but I wanted to talk to him earlier because he told me that I think I'm perfect and that he didn't want to hear anything I had to say. Well because I brought up he cursed me and my husband out. He dropped tgr F bomb several times, told me hate me and he didn't want to live there. My husband, his step- father told him to pack and get out, nicely speaking. As a family we decided thst my son should pay rent. He's not going to college just working. We mutually agreed that he would pay 50.00 every two weeks or 100 a month. I still pay his cell bill. Well before he left this morning on his way out he told us that he would rather pay a stranger $1,00.00 a month than us. "You're my mother I'm from you. You shouldn't be taking my money I'm from you, and you don't need my money. He also said, he's getting his own place so he can smoke weed. Also, him and his girlfriend work in fast food and make 8.50 an hour.
  2. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Sorry. You and your husband made the best decision you could at the time. Now the time is different and you have to fall back and regroup. Stay on the same page as a couple...that's really important.
    I wish you good luck taking the next step. DDD
  3. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh I feel your pain. I made the same stupid decision last summer and am seriously living to regret it. I allowed my son and his girlfriend to move in when they lost the trailer they were living in because they couldnt afford the rent. I said they could stay with us, pay 100 a month rent and save up money to move out by Xmas. Hahaha. Yeah right! It should have been easily doable. We even have a lot on our property they could have moved a cheap trailer on and lived for nothing but taxes, water and electric. Wouldnt that seem like a dream? Oh but they couldnt manage that. Not one dime saved. Even when I told them I would go in halves with them if they saved half for the trailer. They didnt save. So okay. Find an apartment...

    Find gotta go. Now they are pregnant...and still here.

    Im thinking I am gonna go find a new place to live and move out from under them!
  4. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I hope that you and your husband stood by the decision when he told your difficult child to go ahead and move out. If you haven't, then it sure sounds like it is time to move him out. As not using drugs/having them on your property were conditions for him to come home, and he clearly agreed verbally to this, then he has violated his agreement. It doesn't matter if you are his mom - you still expect him to follow the rules in your home while he is there. I wish him luck finding a landlord who will put up with his nonsense and then get up in the middle of the night because he wants medications because he is hurt. I know landlords that would kick him out for that alone!

    It is hard when they leave on bad terms, but it is harder when they stay on bad terms. Please go to narcanon and/or alanon so that you will have in real life support to help you through this and help you learn new healthy behaviors. WHen there is an addict in the family the entire family has an addiction problem and needs help.
  5. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    That was one of the rules we had, too. Especially since difficult child's little brother is right across the hall and what did I find? A meth pipe with a bunch of meth powder in it. Nope. Not going to happen. She hasn't been here since and as far as I know, she doesn't have the desire to be here. She sure doesn't have the desire to live life in a normal way. I have standards for the way I live - I will not allow her to live here, lounge around and do drugs - horrible, huh? You cannot enable their lifestyle. Very important. And at 19, you are cussing me out in my house? Oh, hades, no. He has got to go.
  6. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    He doesn't know how good he had it at your house. He'll have to learn the hard way, and in just a short while, he'll see, believe me. At 8.50 an hour he can't even afford a 1,000 a month rent! Even with the girlfriend. You made a good decision, I know it hurts, I've been exactly where you are. Stay strong and be proud of yourself for not allowing yourself to be abused and taken advantage of. This was my mantra when my son would call with some devastation or drama: "You're a smart boy, I'm sure you'll figure something out." or "I am just about to walk out the door, I can't talk to you right now." Because he would always call with some lie or "reason" for us to come quick and rescue him. ((hugs))
  7. KFld

    KFld New Member

    Wasn't there a list one time of the best things to say when a difficult child calls so you don't get sucked in??