Actually, I do think you're doing exactly the right thing, planning for his future. Just recognise that it WILL take him longer and he may need to learn some skills slowly and carefully. He especially will need to be shown how to do things, rather than talked through it.
Sleeping - yes, teens sleep a lot more. It begins at varying ages (13 to 15 or later) and can continue into their early 20s. Plus, those who have to apply more mental effort to their day (Aspies especially) will need to sleep more to recharge their mental batteries. They don't do anything by halves; when they're up and about, they can often be bouncing off the walls. Even if they're sitting on the couch not moving and playing a computer game, their concentration is so intense that they fatigue faster, they're learning not just the computer game but also the other social information along with it (how the characters interact, for example).
difficult child 3 would watch a DVD over and over. He would stop, rewind, play a certain scene over, stop, rewind, play it over - we could never work out why and it didn't seem to be simply trying to see a funny bit or an important bit - it frankly seemed mindless. Her also ALWAYS puts subtitles on, even though his hearing is really very good.
Then difficult child 3's friend began doing the same thing (he wasn't copying him, they each found this independently). Friend's dad said to me, "There's nothing going on in that head."
Becausee of our experience with difficult child 3, I was able to assure him that yes, there was A LOT going on in that head because what he was doing was using the DVD to teach himself social skills. The boy is not only watching the film to watch the story, he's observing the interactionds betwwn the characters in terms of facial expressions, body language, dialogue as it sounds, dialogue as the words look, the responses to each piece of dialogue and so on. The story itself - chances are he hasn't got a clue, at least not until he's watched it a dozen times or so. But apparent mindless activity generally is also valuable learning activity, even more than with PCs doing the same thing.
All kids can get hooked into computer games; it is how the games are designed, to engage you, to make you want to play more. Some more responsible games now build in prompts to go take a break, but there is something about gaming that calls out to Aspies. And they do learn useful stuff from games even when you don't think it likely.
An example I love - difficult child 3 was jogging from our house to our village library when a bully stepped out from the bushes and tried to hallse him. difficult child 3, instead of getting upset or afraid (as he had in the past) simply said to the bully, "I'm busy right now. Can I come back and ignore you later?" and just kept running. When he got back home again (the bully was nowhere to be sen on the way back) difficult child 3 was so proud of himself for how he handled it. But the smart remark was NOT original - difficult child 3 had learned it from a computer game, where the bullying interaction and response had been thoroughly played out every time he watched/played the game.
We did have to work with each of our boys to set ground rules for game play. As long as they elt they had some control and freedom to play acertain amount each day, they were prepared to allow limits that meant other work (such as schoolwork, chores, evening routine) got done. For example difficult child 1 recognised that having his game system available to him during the day (when he was home schooled) meant that it was too tempting, he brought me the RF modulator (without which the game couldn't work) so he couldn't even be tempted to turn it on until school hours were over and game time could begin. Because difficult child 1 did this, HE was in coontrol and this reduced his anxiety over it.
Another important thing with gaming (for example) - there are logical points at which a game can be switched off, and other points at which an authoritarian parent shutting off the game will trigger a rage. We generally allow time for the child to get to a logical pause point or save point, because frankly it is showing respect to the child to do so. And if we want to teach them to respect other people, the best way to do it is by showing them respect. We model for them, the right way to behave.
Now, to equipping our Aspies with the skills needed for independdent living - try to not do too much at one time. For example, if you want to teach him to cook, don't also expect him to do a load of washing on the same day, unless he's already thoroughly accomplished at doing the washing. There are also computer assists to doing a lot of these skills. Nintendo DS have a great cooking 'game' called the "Cooking Guide". Not sure if it's available in the US yet, but I thoroughly recommend this for ANY person needing support in cooking. It's fun, it's extremely useful and wonderful for boosting living skills. difficult child 3 wanted one and it's got him into the kitchen and learning to cook; he liked it so much he bought one for his brother for a wedding present.
Life skills - at a certain point we have begun to treat each of our teens as a house mate and not a dependent child. It can be easy to get into this - if your child complains about what's for dinner, for example, then you institute a system where each old-enough person in the family takes a turn cooking. The ground rules are:
1) It needs to take into account food preferences or what people can/can't eat;
2) It has to fit into the budget (ie no blowing a week's food budget on seafood platter for one);
3) The meal has to be planned for, shopped for and budgeted for;
4) The meal has to be served at the right time, according to when people are home.
This is not going to happen without a fair bit of help to begin with. For example easy child 2/difficult child 2 wanted to organise a "How to Host a Murder" party for me and husband for our wedding anniverary and didn't want me to help (because then it wouldn't be a present). But she did in fact need help because she really had bitten off more than she could chew. However, she chose the menu (followed the suggestions in the game plan) and actually did a good job, although would have done a lot of things differently once she had a better idea of what she was doing.
But if your child says to you, "Why are we eating beef casserole yet again? I want Mexican!" then you say to your child, "OK, we can have Mexican. But I don't know anything about cooking it, YOU are the one who wants it, so you prepare it. I'll help, you can be Gordon Ramsay and I'll be your assistant."
This requires a lot of planning - the recipe has to be checked out to work out the shopping list, to plan anything that can be cooked ahead or needs to be modified (ie make some sauce with no chilli in it, for those with no heat tolerance). Once you begin the process and have bought the ingredients, you can't back away from it because you mustn't waste food.
And so it goes with other household tasks - doing the washing, for example. You will have your own routine for how this works. Involving each kid (as Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS) as they can) is a good thing, because not only do they learn how, they also learn just what is required for the washing to get done. As a result they are more likely to appreciate what has to be done. A kid who has already learned how to do the washing, how to hang it out and how to bring it in and fold it, is more likely to be practice about thinking for themselves and running to the rescue when the washing is on the line and it begins to rain.
I'm still supporting difficult child 1 at times, in various things he needs to do for himself. Paperwork especially. For example, difficult child 1 had accumulated some doctor's bills he had paid for but which needed to be claimed on his health insurance. So I took him to the booth and talked him through what to do. He's phobic about using the telephone, but this booth uses a phone line with a single push button, all he had to do was push that one button and everything else was automatic. The person on the other end of the phone talked him through the whole process plus I was there to help him find this number or that amount. And having finally done it once, next time will be easier.
We do this bit by bit.
But what about career path?
Ok, he's already expressed an interest in two possible areas. Now you need to sit with him and help him find out how to get to be what he wants to be. Take him seriously, be supportive. YOU know he will be disappointed to find out that movie producer is perhaps a tall order, but hey? Who knows? He's not too young to get started. difficult child 3 had to make a short film for school, last year. We don't even have a video camera, we had to use the video funcrtion on our digital stills camera. The best way for difficult child 3 to get started, was to film a procedure. He had to get footage of all the steps required, it was something he was familiar with so he could remember in his head the dtages and remember what he had filmed and what he hadn't. Then he loaded it all onto the computer and chose the segments of film, in order. He cut out all the bits where it was bluured or he had more than he needed, and then began to put it together. A few bits weren't good enough so he went back out and filmed those again. He had to demonstrate that he could handle the software so he played with it all and then chose some backing music. It could have been very simple or very complex.
The first stage is to do a story board, which difficult child 3 just didn't feel confident in doing. It would have made the job easier. So I would suggest - get your son to do something like this NOW. Even if all he's doing is perhaps filming a family event (a birthday party, for example). Then he has to edit it, to make something that people will enjoy watching. Or if he wants to make a fiction film, get him to work on the whole project. There are bound to be websites that will help him, especially if you work with him on it (as director's assistant). It can be a great thing to do together, as quality time.
Or you can find out how to plug him into courses in IT. Do some investigating, find out hwat he is going to have to do in order to get a job in, say, computer software manufacture. He could find any one of a number of online websites which are just begging for people to write reviews of games, and write his own reviews and upload them. It's a good way to get started and it also provides him with experience, as well as giving him a taste for exactly what the job entails.
Even if you tink he hasn't got a snowball's chance in Hades of ever holding down a job in either of these areas, by getting him to do it now you're giving him the chance to find out if he can do it, how he can do it and even if he only ever does it as a hobby, he is at least exploring it and perhaps finding out NOW that perhaps he can set his sights elsewhere, at least as far as a job is concerned.
In Australia we have a short film festival called Tropfest. In recent years they have brought in Tropfest Junior. Have a look at the websites on this, see what you can find out.
I do tell my kids that yes, they have autism, and yes there may be some things they have trouble with. But if there is anything they want to do in life or feel they love and have the talent for, they should work towards it and go for it. Anytthing they have trouble with, they need to actively work on improving in those areas. It's the best way for anybody to manage their learning. And the day we stop learning, is the day we begin to stagnate and stop living.
Different doesn't have to mean less capable, or second-rate. Every person has a place but they have to sometimes go out and make their own place, to make it happen. As parents we sometimes need to help, but the child has to be the driving force in terms of direction. The child has to be able to own this - we need to be careful to not push them in the direction WE want them to go.
Once a child has explored what he says he wants to be, he is more likely to be prepared to try what he is ABLE to be. And who knows? It could be the same thing!
Marg
