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going from bad to worse
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<blockquote data-quote="scent of cedar" data-source="post: 607689" data-attributes="member: 1721"><p>Hello, Jaxx, and welcome. </p><p></p><p>You have been through so much, Jaxx. I am happy you found us. We have been where you are, and survived it. Please post as often as you feel you need to. It helps so much. There is no one here who will judge you. Very few of us believe, anymore, that anything we did, or anything that happened to our children, made it impossible for them to choose paths different than those they are walking. Bad things, traumatic things, happen to all of us. If we, or our children, continue to place blame for our current actions on something that happened when we were kids, we will never take responsibility for our own lives. Until we do, nothing can change, for us. </p><p></p><p>Our children chose their paths against our wishes and in spite of our advice, Jaxx.</p><p></p><p>You have nothing to feel guilty for.</p><p></p><p>Many people experience the kind of trauma you have described in your family without turning to a life of violence and drugs. Many people without that kind of trauma turn to a life of violence and drugs, anyway.</p><p></p><p>This is something your son needs to work out, for himself. Your job, now that you've found us, is learning to heal, to feel healthy, to take joy in your life, again. We always say here that if a mother's suffering could cure a troubled child, every one of our children would be perfect by now. Our suffering doesn't change anything for our children...but it can, and does, destroy US.</p><p></p><p>It helped me to know that the healthier I became, the healthier a role model I could be for my difficult child kids.</p><p></p><p>Eventually? The kids were still troubled ~ but I was doing better.</p><p></p><p>:O)</p><p></p><p>Small steps now will have great results, later. Is there a class you could take? Something that would enable you to stop thinking about your son, even for just a little while? Maybe a weekly volunteer commitment? Even just a morning walk will start you on the path to healthier. The options Recovering suggested would be a fantastic place to begin.</p><p></p><p>Please keep us posted on how you are doing, and on your son's progress. I am so sorry for your pain, Jaxx.</p><p></p><p>Here is the Serenity Prayer. It helps so many of us stay balanced enough to cope with what the kids are doing. The trick is to read it, and read it again, until you get it. In the night, when you awaken worried and cannot sleep, repeat it until sleep comes. Repeating this prayer has been a lifesaver for me, and for so many of us, here on the site.</p><p></p><p>*************</p><p></p><p>God, grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,</p><p>the Courage to change the things I can,</p><p>and the Wisdom to know the difference.</p><p></p><p>********************</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="scent of cedar, post: 607689, member: 1721"] Hello, Jaxx, and welcome. You have been through so much, Jaxx. I am happy you found us. We have been where you are, and survived it. Please post as often as you feel you need to. It helps so much. There is no one here who will judge you. Very few of us believe, anymore, that anything we did, or anything that happened to our children, made it impossible for them to choose paths different than those they are walking. Bad things, traumatic things, happen to all of us. If we, or our children, continue to place blame for our current actions on something that happened when we were kids, we will never take responsibility for our own lives. Until we do, nothing can change, for us. Our children chose their paths against our wishes and in spite of our advice, Jaxx. You have nothing to feel guilty for. Many people experience the kind of trauma you have described in your family without turning to a life of violence and drugs. Many people without that kind of trauma turn to a life of violence and drugs, anyway. This is something your son needs to work out, for himself. Your job, now that you've found us, is learning to heal, to feel healthy, to take joy in your life, again. We always say here that if a mother's suffering could cure a troubled child, every one of our children would be perfect by now. Our suffering doesn't change anything for our children...but it can, and does, destroy US. It helped me to know that the healthier I became, the healthier a role model I could be for my difficult child kids. Eventually? The kids were still troubled ~ but I was doing better. :O) Small steps now will have great results, later. Is there a class you could take? Something that would enable you to stop thinking about your son, even for just a little while? Maybe a weekly volunteer commitment? Even just a morning walk will start you on the path to healthier. The options Recovering suggested would be a fantastic place to begin. Please keep us posted on how you are doing, and on your son's progress. I am so sorry for your pain, Jaxx. Here is the Serenity Prayer. It helps so many of us stay balanced enough to cope with what the kids are doing. The trick is to read it, and read it again, until you get it. In the night, when you awaken worried and cannot sleep, repeat it until sleep comes. Repeating this prayer has been a lifesaver for me, and for so many of us, here on the site. ************* God, grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the Courage to change the things I can, and the Wisdom to know the difference. ******************** Cedar [/QUOTE]
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