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Going home, soon. Know we should not kidnap daughter and bring her home, but....
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<blockquote data-quote="Tiredof33" data-source="post: 591615" data-attributes="member: 13558"><p>Barbara,</p><p>It's very hard, I never in a million yeatrs dreamed I would have a child like this. My soon to be 35yo has not gotten any better with all of my attempts to help. In fact, I think he has gotten worse! I can not understand his reasoning for the life of me. He has been in a relationship with the girl friend from h*** for over 2 years now, of course it has to be his longest one.</p><p></p><p>He and girlie had been in a homeless conn for about four months to get me to send money they were just using my money to party. I still helped him again after they had a fight and she came after him with a knife. There were only more requests for money, it never ends.</p><p></p><p>Then when I had enough his verbal abuse and then the threat to committ suicide if I did not send him money just stopped me in my tracks. My son actually went NC with me and I have zero way of contacting him. I can't do it any more and I have found peace in my decision to finally let him take controll of his own life. If that means living in the streets it is still all his choice. </p><p></p><p>There are no right or wrong answers and a parent has to do what they feel in their heart they can live with. My son cuts himself and I have accepted the fact that action along with his lifestyle may give him a shorter life than I care to think about. BUT, my health was suffering and I am retired, AND all of my money spent has not helped him get his life together.</p><p></p><p>Whether it is mental, addiction, or a combination, they have to want to change and even then it is going to take a lot of determination to succeed.</p><p></p><p>in my opinion, a good therapist will help you to make your decison. I kept waffling back and forth until I had finally reached a point where I knew in my heart that my son really doesn't want to change his lifestyle and I can't make him. I also know that I finally understood that I couldn't continue with our relationship the way it was. The fact that he is so spiteful to cut off all contact with every member of his family hurts me, but I have had some very peaceful days too! At this point in his life my son is extremely self centered and selfish. </p><p></p><p>I meditate and start every day with a prayer for him, me, and healing. I have gotten very involved with hobbies, joined the Red Hat Society, and go to the gym daily. I thank God for the positives I have in my life and am still trying to find the lesson in this struggle with my son. </p><p></p><p>Stepping back and sometimes stepping away does not mean you love any less, I just means that you finally understand that you can not live with your life revolving around difficult child. They will only change when they have too, and only when they want too. The only person you can change is you.</p><p></p><p>(((huggs and take care of you)))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tiredof33, post: 591615, member: 13558"] Barbara, It's very hard, I never in a million yeatrs dreamed I would have a child like this. My soon to be 35yo has not gotten any better with all of my attempts to help. In fact, I think he has gotten worse! I can not understand his reasoning for the life of me. He has been in a relationship with the girl friend from h*** for over 2 years now, of course it has to be his longest one. He and girlie had been in a homeless conn for about four months to get me to send money they were just using my money to party. I still helped him again after they had a fight and she came after him with a knife. There were only more requests for money, it never ends. Then when I had enough his verbal abuse and then the threat to committ suicide if I did not send him money just stopped me in my tracks. My son actually went NC with me and I have zero way of contacting him. I can't do it any more and I have found peace in my decision to finally let him take controll of his own life. If that means living in the streets it is still all his choice. There are no right or wrong answers and a parent has to do what they feel in their heart they can live with. My son cuts himself and I have accepted the fact that action along with his lifestyle may give him a shorter life than I care to think about. BUT, my health was suffering and I am retired, AND all of my money spent has not helped him get his life together. Whether it is mental, addiction, or a combination, they have to want to change and even then it is going to take a lot of determination to succeed. in my opinion, a good therapist will help you to make your decison. I kept waffling back and forth until I had finally reached a point where I knew in my heart that my son really doesn't want to change his lifestyle and I can't make him. I also know that I finally understood that I couldn't continue with our relationship the way it was. The fact that he is so spiteful to cut off all contact with every member of his family hurts me, but I have had some very peaceful days too! At this point in his life my son is extremely self centered and selfish. I meditate and start every day with a prayer for him, me, and healing. I have gotten very involved with hobbies, joined the Red Hat Society, and go to the gym daily. I thank God for the positives I have in my life and am still trying to find the lesson in this struggle with my son. Stepping back and sometimes stepping away does not mean you love any less, I just means that you finally understand that you can not live with your life revolving around difficult child. They will only change when they have too, and only when they want too. The only person you can change is you. (((huggs and take care of you))) [/QUOTE]
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