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Parent Emeritus
Going to be a mother-in-law, again.
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<blockquote data-quote="CrazyinVA" data-source="post: 282985" data-attributes="member: 1157"><p>I just felt like venting a bit more about this, hope you all don't mind <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p><p></p><p>Youngest and her boyfriend (fiance) are looking at places to live together. Her boyfriend actually is "staying" with her for now, having let the lease go on his apartment. He even moved his bed into her place (her old bed is now in my spare bedroom). I reminded her that she could lose her Section 8 housing assistance if they decide he is "living" there, she basically told me, in an expasperated "yes mom I know" voice, that since he's gone at work most nights, it's ok and she's not too worried about it. I bit my tongue and shut up. </p><p></p><p>If they get a new place together however, and her "household income" increases, she'll definitely lose: (1) Section 8 assistance (2) food stamps, which she just FINALLY got, (3) day care assistance, and possibly (4) my grandson's Medicaid, since I *think* they count household income on that? Not sure. </p><p></p><p>Her boyfriend makes really good money (spends it too, but that's another story). He can probably afford to support her, and maybe my grandson, although he'd have to completely re-budget his spending (a bachelor making mucho money and spending it on toys). So, it could be argued that she doesn't *need* all that assistance, maybe even shouldn't use it/take advantage of government programs. </p><p></p><p>But of course the flip side is, what if it doesn't work out? She cheated on him just a few weeks ago. She cried to me about how confused she was, just a few weeks ago. </p><p></p><p>Yeah, "what ifs" are dangerous, and pointless, I know. It's also not my business/problem, and I need to practice detaching. But of course, in the back of my mind is, guess who will step in if they break up and she is destitute again? Not because of her, mind you, but because of my grandson. Yeah, she could probably get food stamps, medicaid, and day care assistance again, without too long of a wait. But Section 8 took her a year to get (and that is a short list, compared to other counties in our area). Guess who would feel obligated to take her and the grandson in? Sigh.</p><p></p><p>I told her that I thought it would be a better idea if her boyfriend got his own place, and they saved money for a place together later, closer to the wedding. Is she ready to be completely dependent on him for Aidan's daycare expenses, food, and medical costs? (medical costs withOUT insurance, mind you). Without public assistance, making just over minimum wage and only working 20-30 hours a week with not even a GED, she will be tied to him, period. She agreed, and sseems to be leaning towards the idea of waiting to officially live together on the same lease.. but I've a feeling he will push for it, as a way to keep her from cheating again (subconsciously), and she will give in to pressure for fear of losing him. That's the way the dance works with them. </p><p></p><p>Part of this is my own independent streak.. I cannot imagine being that dependent on anyone. I raised my kids alone from the ages of 3 and 7... although their father did at least pay his child support; it woudl have been pretty difficult with out that. </p><p></p><p>My grandson's father hasn't paid child support since October, by the way, and is a worthless SOB. They are in the middle of a court battle over that.. one in which I retained an attorney for my daughter. The father has dodged a bullet twice now in court and is NOT in jail... stil hasn't paid a cent and is awaiting a garnishment of payroll in his current job ... and I suspect he will quit that once it starts. He's also about to lose visitation rights, even the guardian ad litem thinks he is dangerous to my grandson, and a liar and a thief. But I digress..</p><p></p><p>Just my rambling thoughts on the matter. I have no control over it... all I can do is give my opinion if asked (and I do try hard only to give it when asked, although I really DO have to bite my tongue literally sometimes!), and pray/hope for the best. But DANG that is so hard.. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite3" alt=":(" title="Frown :(" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":(" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="CrazyinVA, post: 282985, member: 1157"] I just felt like venting a bit more about this, hope you all don't mind :-) Youngest and her boyfriend (fiance) are looking at places to live together. Her boyfriend actually is "staying" with her for now, having let the lease go on his apartment. He even moved his bed into her place (her old bed is now in my spare bedroom). I reminded her that she could lose her Section 8 housing assistance if they decide he is "living" there, she basically told me, in an expasperated "yes mom I know" voice, that since he's gone at work most nights, it's ok and she's not too worried about it. I bit my tongue and shut up. If they get a new place together however, and her "household income" increases, she'll definitely lose: (1) Section 8 assistance (2) food stamps, which she just FINALLY got, (3) day care assistance, and possibly (4) my grandson's Medicaid, since I *think* they count household income on that? Not sure. Her boyfriend makes really good money (spends it too, but that's another story). He can probably afford to support her, and maybe my grandson, although he'd have to completely re-budget his spending (a bachelor making mucho money and spending it on toys). So, it could be argued that she doesn't *need* all that assistance, maybe even shouldn't use it/take advantage of government programs. But of course the flip side is, what if it doesn't work out? She cheated on him just a few weeks ago. She cried to me about how confused she was, just a few weeks ago. Yeah, "what ifs" are dangerous, and pointless, I know. It's also not my business/problem, and I need to practice detaching. But of course, in the back of my mind is, guess who will step in if they break up and she is destitute again? Not because of her, mind you, but because of my grandson. Yeah, she could probably get food stamps, medicaid, and day care assistance again, without too long of a wait. But Section 8 took her a year to get (and that is a short list, compared to other counties in our area). Guess who would feel obligated to take her and the grandson in? Sigh. I told her that I thought it would be a better idea if her boyfriend got his own place, and they saved money for a place together later, closer to the wedding. Is she ready to be completely dependent on him for Aidan's daycare expenses, food, and medical costs? (medical costs withOUT insurance, mind you). Without public assistance, making just over minimum wage and only working 20-30 hours a week with not even a GED, she will be tied to him, period. She agreed, and sseems to be leaning towards the idea of waiting to officially live together on the same lease.. but I've a feeling he will push for it, as a way to keep her from cheating again (subconsciously), and she will give in to pressure for fear of losing him. That's the way the dance works with them. Part of this is my own independent streak.. I cannot imagine being that dependent on anyone. I raised my kids alone from the ages of 3 and 7... although their father did at least pay his child support; it woudl have been pretty difficult with out that. My grandson's father hasn't paid child support since October, by the way, and is a worthless SOB. They are in the middle of a court battle over that.. one in which I retained an attorney for my daughter. The father has dodged a bullet twice now in court and is NOT in jail... stil hasn't paid a cent and is awaiting a garnishment of payroll in his current job ... and I suspect he will quit that once it starts. He's also about to lose visitation rights, even the guardian ad litem thinks he is dangerous to my grandson, and a liar and a thief. But I digress.. Just my rambling thoughts on the matter. I have no control over it... all I can do is give my opinion if asked (and I do try hard only to give it when asked, although I really DO have to bite my tongue literally sometimes!), and pray/hope for the best. But DANG that is so hard.. :( [/QUOTE]
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Going to be a mother-in-law, again.
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