difficult child 2 has his detention hearing tomorrow afternoon. We have no idea what, if anything, he will be charged with and whether he will be released home if he is charged. We've been told we will find this stuff out at court.
We've visited him 3 times since he was detained. Because I'm the victim we've met with a glass partition between us. He's gotten angrier at each visit. The second visit he walked out after about 20 minutes when we tried to talk to him about the hearing since no one had told him anything.
Today I walked out after 10 minutes.
We told him we had taken stuff out of his room like the boom box etc. and he would be expected to clean it when he got home because it was still a mess like he had left it. He said we had better not have taken the $40 on his bedside table. wife said no she hadn't touched his money. I told him he owed it to us for the credit card charges.
He said we "owed" him $50 - 2 missed allowances and $10 I borrowed from him a couple weeks ago. (The$10 was birthday $$. His sister hasn't gotten any allowance either - we didn't have it to give them.) He said he'd pay us back with the money after we paid him what we owed him.
wife was conciliatory. I was not. difficult child 2 said we owed him an allowance for this month too. I told him we didn't owe him a cent. He owed us and he would give us any money he had to pay the debt. And he would also either repair the damage he'd done to our house or he would pay us back for the repairs.
wife started to tell him we didn't have the money and I just got up and left.
So I'm not too optimistic about how it's going to go if he comes home tomorrow.
I wrote up a one page summary of stuff for the attorneys if they say they want the info. I'd appreciate feedback from those of you who have been through this before. Here's a quick summary -
1. We want him to go to school all day every day. He hasn't been going to school regularly since November but we can't physically make him go.
2. We want him to go to individual therapy and family therapy. If possible we want him in a diversion program that includes wraparound services for the whole family.
3. We don't trust him home alone and we won't leave him home alone with his twin sister. But he won't come with us when we tell him to and we can't physically make him go.
4. We want him to do social activities like school clubs or the Boy's and Girl's club. He doesn't have any friends at all so he just sits home alone and stews and gets into fights with us.
Then I said
"We visited difficult child 2 three times at Juvenile Hall. He feels it is our fault that he was detained. He says he admits to hurting me but that I made him mad. He says we owe him $40 for missed allowances and he will re-pay his debt to us for the on-line purchases by paying us back " with the money we owe him. He seemed angrier each time we came to see him. But he also said that he would do whatever he had to not to go back to Juvenile Hall. If we can get the help difficult child 2 and our family needs now, maybe difficult child 2 will never come back to Juvenile Hall."
Thanks,
P
We've visited him 3 times since he was detained. Because I'm the victim we've met with a glass partition between us. He's gotten angrier at each visit. The second visit he walked out after about 20 minutes when we tried to talk to him about the hearing since no one had told him anything.
Today I walked out after 10 minutes.
We told him we had taken stuff out of his room like the boom box etc. and he would be expected to clean it when he got home because it was still a mess like he had left it. He said we had better not have taken the $40 on his bedside table. wife said no she hadn't touched his money. I told him he owed it to us for the credit card charges.
He said we "owed" him $50 - 2 missed allowances and $10 I borrowed from him a couple weeks ago. (The$10 was birthday $$. His sister hasn't gotten any allowance either - we didn't have it to give them.) He said he'd pay us back with the money after we paid him what we owed him.
wife was conciliatory. I was not. difficult child 2 said we owed him an allowance for this month too. I told him we didn't owe him a cent. He owed us and he would give us any money he had to pay the debt. And he would also either repair the damage he'd done to our house or he would pay us back for the repairs.
wife started to tell him we didn't have the money and I just got up and left.
So I'm not too optimistic about how it's going to go if he comes home tomorrow.
I wrote up a one page summary of stuff for the attorneys if they say they want the info. I'd appreciate feedback from those of you who have been through this before. Here's a quick summary -
1. We want him to go to school all day every day. He hasn't been going to school regularly since November but we can't physically make him go.
2. We want him to go to individual therapy and family therapy. If possible we want him in a diversion program that includes wraparound services for the whole family.
3. We don't trust him home alone and we won't leave him home alone with his twin sister. But he won't come with us when we tell him to and we can't physically make him go.
4. We want him to do social activities like school clubs or the Boy's and Girl's club. He doesn't have any friends at all so he just sits home alone and stews and gets into fights with us.
Then I said
"We visited difficult child 2 three times at Juvenile Hall. He feels it is our fault that he was detained. He says he admits to hurting me but that I made him mad. He says we owe him $40 for missed allowances and he will re-pay his debt to us for the on-line purchases by paying us back " with the money we owe him. He seemed angrier each time we came to see him. But he also said that he would do whatever he had to not to go back to Juvenile Hall. If we can get the help difficult child 2 and our family needs now, maybe difficult child 2 will never come back to Juvenile Hall."
Thanks,
P
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