Going to meet my little sister this weekend!!!

[Mattsmom277]

I've never met her. She is 11 years old, a product of my bio father and a woman younger than me, they are no longer together (good thing since my father is a sicko!). My sisters mom seems a bit of a wack job. I have spoken once in depth on phone with her and had to bite my tongue a bunch of times and play nicey nice. I've also spoken to the worker at Children's Aid who is in charge of their case (my sister was previously in foster care, removed after one of her other two half sisters - not my fathers children - had my father arrested on sex offence charges). The worker was careful about revealing details, but did detail enough for me to know this woman isn't all there, is protective of my father, has left my father and is with another man yet defends my father. She has disowned her oldest daughter, claiming SHE came on to my father and when she was turned down by him, she made up accusations of sexual attack. I know my father. He abused this young woman. So this woman gets no credibility from me. I don't look forward to dealing with her in person, as I have to make nice for my sisters sake.

However, the good part in the midst of the ugly part of the saga. My sisters mothers family all live local to me, although my sister lives several hours drive away. So they are coming to visit the grandmother this weekend. And I get to meet my sister

I have two good friends of mine who now live cross country, home this weekend holding their wedding today. So I'm waiting to see what time my sister arrives in town and what her mothers decision is regarding if she will allow my sister to go with us to the wedding. If so, we have the wedding at 2p.m. then back home for dinner and to the reception at 7p.m.

If the mother says no to her coming to the wedding, then she will bring my sister here to visit tomorrow . The mothers bringing new wanna be hubby with her, and I hope to goodness she drops my sister to me today for the wedding. Luckily, my sister being 11 and realllllly wanting to come to the wedding with me and easy child and S/O, I'm hoping she's pestering her mom within an inch of her life to allow her to come with us this afternoon .

Otherwise, tomorrow it'll end up my sister, her mother and latest wanna be hubby. I imagine that will be more awkward. However, in order to meet my sister, if it has to be that way, I'll cope . I'm just so excited to meet my Mini Me!

My sister is a total doll. She and I have grown close online. She is always posting facebook messages to me being sure to say "hey sis" etc. She likes referring to me as her sister.
She tells me she loves me when we log off our chats, she gets upset if we plan to meet online and I'm late and she thinks I'm not coming. NOt that I want her upset, but its nice to know she cares and is happy to be building a relationship with me .

I'm looking so forward to this visit. I'm also hoping the mom warms up to me. S/O and I currently don't have a car but are getting one in late October. So I'm hoping the mom warms up enough to allow me to drive down there every few weekends and bring my sister home with me for visits. I have a deal with the childrens aid worker that if my sister is removed again from the home, that I get a phone call. She will advocate for a placement with me instead of foster care. So on top of natural "love my baby sister" reasons that I want to meet her, its also good if we can gain a in person relationship. Of course, the mother knows nothing of the deal i have with the worker. Nor does my sister.

I just wanted to share my happy news of getting to meet her. I've cried for this little girl before she ever found me online earlier this year. I worried about her, being in a home with my father. I would look at my easy child, only a year younger than my sister, and wonder what does she look like (ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAY!), is she happy, scared, lonely, carefree, what?!?!

Now I know she's a vibrant and intelligent little lady who has a heart of gold. She is lonely. I can tell. She misses her sister whose been thrown out of their lives. She misses our father and doesn't know he is a monster. Her mother loves the men and she and her other sister are alone often, often late into the night. We keep each other company online alot of those evenings. I hate her being alone in that house, feeling needy. She's just a kid. I'm glad though that we're bonding and getting close to each other and that she knows I'm here for her no matter what.

I can't wait to hug her!!!!!! I plan to take pictures and I'm going to put them up to show you all sometime tomorrow hopefully

It's a good day in the Melissa household!! If she's with us tonight, it's going to be extra exciting to celebrate at a party for my friends wedding . I'd love to see her happy and dancing around enjoying herself and feeling part of a family outing. I know she doesn't experience much of that, but it is the basis of the way my home is run with my kids. If I can bring a bit of that into her life, I'm a lucky person.

The beaming ray in your windows right now is the happiness radiating from ME!

 

[totoro]

I truly hope despite all of the sick garbage the is involved with this, you can at least get to know her a little bit and everyone is just happy for a moment and enjoys the family.
He has damaged so many I hope he can be left out your minds for a brief moment.

The hug sounds nice!

 

[ChefPaula1965]

I am so very happy for you. I hope that this relationship will be very good for both of you!!! It looks like you are already meeting some of her needs. It may be hard for you but remember to play "nice" with her mother!! That will help with you and your sister staying intouch with each other!!
Many many hugs to you ..
Paula

 

[mstang67chic]

Have a great time and I hope everything goes well!

A bit of advice from another big sister where there is a huge age difference....

It took me a bit to get it down and even now I still question myself but...just be sure to watch where you are in relation to the line between cool older sister and outright overindulgence. With my sibs (I've known them since birth though) I usually allow them to do a bit more than what their mom does but nothing huge, unhealthy or dangerous. Know what I mean?? I just have to be careful and be aware of WHY rules or restrictions are in place so I don't overstep. It's not such a big deal now that they are older (youngest is 15) but of course the age opens up new "dangers". LOL

Anyway....have a great weekend and tell us all about it when you can!

 

[Mattsmom277]

I will totally place nice with the mom. I want to ensure that contact lasts between my sister and I until she is of an age where nobody can influence that contact.

Thanks for the tip about not overstepping the indulgence line. I think its lucky that easy child and my sister are only a year apart in age. While I will obviously not "mother" my own sister, I tend to think it will for now be more like how I am when easy child has friends over or when I babysit my friends kids of that age range. Cool to spend time with, fun, with rules and normal kid structure. Of course, I am sure I'll want to buy her special things etc. But that's just a big sister thing lol.

Her mom hasn't called me, and we are home from my friends wedding. The reception isn't until 7p.m. so I'm hoping to hear from them before that. Otherwise, it will be tomorrow. Either one, I get to see her so it's all good

As for my friends wedding, it was beautiful. The groom is Scottish and many of his family flew here for the wedding. There were several men playing bagpipes, the groom and the male half of the bridal party were in kilts with the clan jackets, tartans, swords, etc. The grooms mother presented the bride with the family tartan and draped it over her shoulder to welcome her to the "clan". The bride was stunning. The groom cried, the bride did briefly before she hit the isle, then didn't shed a tear, just beamed. Was so nice to see a man cry with joy to marry the love of his life. When he put the ring on her finger he was on his knee crying. It was just stunning.

Funny thing, I cry watching A Wedding Story on TLC. Yet I didn't cry watching two dear friends marry, with their 3 children present. Bagpipes choke me up instantly. Still no tears. And there was S/O beside me, all red/flushed cheeks and blinking back man tears from start to finish. At one point the priest was talking and something he said about the bond in the soul and the sanctity and spiritual nature of uniting lives etc made him hold his breath to not bawl and he grabbed my hand. After the wedding outside the church we were standing with a friend about to get divorced, and my cousin with his girlfriend, and he whispered to me that he'd never be fool enough to lose me to a divorce and then proudly told our friend and my cousin etc about our secret wedding plans. Could've hit me with a brick!! The man surprises me .

So our secret wedding is out. We are taking the kids next year to Costa Rica and getting married there. My cousin asked why not get married here and we explained too much family drama with my mother etc. He understood but asked if he and his girlfriend kept quiet about it, could they join us in Costa Rica as our witnesses! We hadn't asked anyone since we can't pay for two people for a trip like that. So now we will have family there . This cousin is the person who myself and the kids are closest too in my family.
Maybe if I'm lucky, my sister will be allowed to travel with us come that time too!

So there's my day so far. Sans sister. But tomorrows a new day. And maybe I'll hear from them this afternoon and she can come tonight to the reception afterall

Thanks for the goodwishes!