Going to see my Dad tomorrow

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Steely, Feb 1, 2011.

  1. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Tomorrow I will be in Portland to see my Dad for a week. It is a particularly difficult time, because I will be in Oregon to see my Dad (who is dying from brain cancer - and does not have long to live), in the same week that they found my sister missing, in the same town, and later dead, 3 years ago. It is weird to me how timing happens, you know? And it is very triggering for me - very. I had a paranormal night terror last night that had me spinning for hours. No matter how much you want to block some of this stuff, it resurrects itself in your psyche in one way or another. Unfortunately.

    I keep telling myself, thank god Matt is finally in a good spot. Safe, sound, stable. And then he is the one person that I keep worrying the most about. I just think at this point I am terrified of losing another family member.

    I went through step # a million to get to see a psychiatrist here in po-dunk AZ today, which involved telling an uncertified "counselor" why I need medications. It was frustrating, but at least I have made that next step. I told her that I did not want to keep seeing her for therapy, but I would rather do therapy with my psychologist in Dallas via the phone - and that seemed OK enough with them to at least let me see a psychiatrist. Sigh.

    OK, and I know this sounds silly to some - but my new puppy I have to board while I am gone. And I feel SO bad about that. I hate the concept of boarding - it equates to me - putting the puppy in jail. Yet, she has to get spayed, and she is too little to have a dog sitter.

    Anyway, I am sure it will all be fine. In my own way, I am just extremely ready for this ordeal with my Dad to be over. That sounds bad, but I just don't want to watch him suffer anymore. I just want everyone to be able to move on.

  2. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    *HUGS* and sending good thoughts your way.
  3. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    I hope it's a good visit for both you and your dad and your mom. I lost my dad last summer, and I can understand how you just want it to be over. We were fortunate in that mine went rather suddenly and unexpectedly. Even he didn't realize what was happening, I think, until the very end. It's never easy, though. Even when you see it coming.

  4. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Hey Hon! Many gentle hugs from me to you - visit with Dad and make sure he knows that you're there for him. It will be some of the best healing medications for you!

  5. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Steely, as you know I just went through this with my Dad two months ago. I wish I had been notified when they called hospice in but my step-mom didnt want to let me come up until my dad was really too far gone for me to have much meaningful time with him. I am a tad bit upset that I was mislead about how long he actually knew about the cancer as opposed to what I was told but oh well.

    Make sure you make all your peace with your Dad. It will do you good to have a clear mind and heart. I feel that my dad understood me even if he couldnt really talk back to me. I told him everything I ever wanted to say to him. How much I loved him. All that stuff.

    Keyana and I still go out at night and look up at the stars and talk to GrandPapa. She is my buddy in that. I dont know how much she really understands because she talks about sending an airplane to go get him in one breathe and then asks if her Papa (Tony) and I are gonna go be with Grandpapa one day. I tell her one day but not until she goes to college, gets married and has kids of her own. Since she is adamant that she is never getting married...well...then I dont have to worry about going to heaven...lmao. You know all boys are yucky at her age...well all boys except Justin Bieber!