Steely
Active Member
Tomorrow I will be in Portland to see my Dad for a week. It is a particularly difficult time, because I will be in Oregon to see my Dad (who is dying from brain cancer - and does not have long to live), in the same week that they found my sister missing, in the same town, and later dead, 3 years ago. It is weird to me how timing happens, you know? And it is very triggering for me - very. I had a paranormal night terror last night that had me spinning for hours. No matter how much you want to block some of this stuff, it resurrects itself in your psyche in one way or another. Unfortunately.
I keep telling myself, thank god Matt is finally in a good spot. Safe, sound, stable. And then he is the one person that I keep worrying the most about. I just think at this point I am terrified of losing another family member.
I went through step # a million to get to see a psychiatrist here in po-dunk AZ today, which involved telling an uncertified "counselor" why I need medications. It was frustrating, but at least I have made that next step. I told her that I did not want to keep seeing her for therapy, but I would rather do therapy with my psychologist in Dallas via the phone - and that seemed OK enough with them to at least let me see a psychiatrist. Sigh.
OK, and I know this sounds silly to some - but my new puppy I have to board while I am gone. And I feel SO bad about that. I hate the concept of boarding - it equates to me - putting the puppy in jail. Yet, she has to get spayed, and she is too little to have a dog sitter.
Anyway, I am sure it will all be fine. In my own way, I am just extremely ready for this ordeal with my Dad to be over. That sounds bad, but I just don't want to watch him suffer anymore. I just want everyone to be able to move on.
Steely
I keep telling myself, thank god Matt is finally in a good spot. Safe, sound, stable. And then he is the one person that I keep worrying the most about. I just think at this point I am terrified of losing another family member.
I went through step # a million to get to see a psychiatrist here in po-dunk AZ today, which involved telling an uncertified "counselor" why I need medications. It was frustrating, but at least I have made that next step. I told her that I did not want to keep seeing her for therapy, but I would rather do therapy with my psychologist in Dallas via the phone - and that seemed OK enough with them to at least let me see a psychiatrist. Sigh.
OK, and I know this sounds silly to some - but my new puppy I have to board while I am gone. And I feel SO bad about that. I hate the concept of boarding - it equates to me - putting the puppy in jail. Yet, she has to get spayed, and she is too little to have a dog sitter.
Anyway, I am sure it will all be fine. In my own way, I am just extremely ready for this ordeal with my Dad to be over. That sounds bad, but I just don't want to watch him suffer anymore. I just want everyone to be able to move on.
Steely