Going to the sober house tomorrow

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by AmericanGirl, Jul 22, 2012.

  1. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Guest

    difficult child called. Pathetic. Says he has 69 cents to his name, no gas, can't get to work tomorrow and will be tossed out on Thursday for non-payment of rent.

    He got a discussion entitled, "Don't bite the hand that feeds you."

    I agreed to go there tomorrow. Pay last week's rent. Fill his car. Give him a small amount of cash. He agreed to look for a new job which doesn't interfere with mandatory sober house meetings. The most important thing is that he will be kind to me or I'm done. Not going to hand him hundreds of dollars a month and listen to his rude, passive-aggressive crud one more second. He agreed to help with whatever I couldn't easily do for myself whenever he is in town.

    His rent is due again on Friday. He wants me to pay that too. I told him we'd see whether he could be kind to me between now and then.

    Don't get me wrong...I am thrilled he is sober. But it is time he stop some of the dry drunk behavior. I have tried many other things without success. Everyone says he is taking it all out on me cause he knows I won't leave him. The fool even criticized me for buying myself a new desk. $95. My old one was broken. Gee, I must stop being such a spendthrift...eyeroll. Going to be diligent with him. Every single out of line remark will be returned with a simple, "You promised to be kind." If he doesn't stop, I'm done and so is my checkbook.

    If he chooses to live in a homeless shelter instead of being kind to me, then he belongs there.

    They are all so selfish. I want to start a new planet. No selfish people allowed. Can you imagine how blissful that would be?!?
  2. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    That planet is heaven! You're going there, by the way lol.
  3. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm moving to your planet. I'm glad he's sober too but he better learn who to keep happy soon.

  4. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I hope he can muster up the kindness to you that you deserve. And, count me in on your new planet, by all accounts it may be a small population.
    Last edited: Jul 23, 2012
  5. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    Why doesn't he have any money? He has a job. Where is the money going? You are being played. I speak from experience. My brother was the master of manipulation. If you have a job, then there is no reason why you don't have the money for these things. I would not give him a dime. He is already asking for next weeks rent. HMMMMMM I think not.
  6. exhausted

    exhausted Active Member

    Ag, I'm glad you set that boundary. He will have to check his tongue at every comment. They get into such a habit of blowing us off, talking down, accusing and blaming. Even when sober, they still have addict behavior and that is the challenge for them to make ammends for that behavior and cut it out!

    I seriously think that we warrier mom's should spend our money on our own Residential Treatment Center (RTC). A retreat to take care of ourselves and recover from the madness that is our lives. That money would be well spent and we would recover and learn. None of this throwing cash down the drain stuff we end up doing for our difficult children. (Hey this could be a money making venture!) I think we should be selfish for a change-who takes care of us and our distress?

    I hope you go buy a new chair for that desk with lots of padding-maybe a high dollar leather jobby?? Throw in new desk accessories while your at it and leave the price tags on!
  7. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Guest

    Pasa, he hasn't gotten paid from the new job yet. The Sober House is really riding him about rent...at my request.

    However, I know he will try anything he can.
  8. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Guest


    One topic which is now off limits is my money. I've had at least one job since I was 14. Many times. Had more than one. He can kiss my you know what.
  9. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    Good! You did not make him a substance abuser You did not lose jobs because you drank and drugged yourself into oblivion. You bent over backwards to help and protect him from himself. He is no longer a child. It is up to him to choose to live in society in a healthy way. His continued abuse of u through his ugly attitude is unexceptable. "Acting nice" at this point is just that an act.
  10. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Guest

    Scans clear...praise the Lord!!

    Went to Sober House. difficult child got it good from me. Paid the back rent. Told them in front of difficult child that I would only pay again if difficult child was kind to me. If not, oh well.

    Manager told me he wished more mothers were like me. That made me feel incredible! And I'm sharing that with all of you here!

    difficult child was to work today and tomorrow...then quit cause this job won't let him off for Wed. Mandatory meeting. He texted me later to say they fired him cause he can't work two nights a week.

    Bottom line.....he has got to learn rules are rules....even for him.

    Filled his car so he can job hunt again, he is to let me know tomorrow that he applied at a preset list of places, gave him $20 for incidentals. Got his account set up so I can see what he does and deposit immediately IF he is respectful. Of course, he wanted twice as much everything.

    difficult child loves to criticize me. Manager gave me some good advice. If difficult child steers topic to me, to say, "No, we were talking about you.". Said they all love to turn the spotlight on us instead of them.

    On a personal note, thanks for the prayers. I have to process resentment toward difficult child for today. Normally, I am elated. His behavior robbed me of that. However, I intend to go celebrate my good health right now.
  11. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    AG, I am so happy for your clear scans, congratulations, this is something to celebrate! Don't let difficult child rob you of this elation, brush him off and revel in your health, your vitality and all the wonderful things in your life.........:yess:

    :congratualtions: :hi5: :hapydancsmil: :beautifulthing:
  12. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Praise the Lord and alleluia on the clear scans. I think you should go and celebrate. You are a warrior for sure.

  13. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member


  14. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    WOOHOO clear scans! So happy for you! YAYAYAYAYAYAYAY
  15. pinevalley

    pinevalley Member

    AG: That is terrific news about your good health report! You must be so relieved and happy to have that scan over with! I hope that you are able to do something fun to celebrate your good health. You are a real warrior mom, and your difficult child is lucky to have a mother who really cares so much about him. (((HUGS)))