Golden difficult child

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by WSM, Sep 10, 2009.

  1. WSM

    WSM New Member

    We had court this morning. The PubDef he saw a week or so ago was too busy and he got another PubDef, his third. She was going to go before the judge and ask for a continuance since she just got his file this morning; she wanted to interview the police officers, someone else's paperwork (who resisted arrest and tried to flee) was mixed with his. So it was all going to be for nothing.

    Then just before she asked, the prosecutor offered drug court. This means every Monday for 6 months, husband takes difficult child to a program and they discuss drug use, etc... At the end of 6 months, difficult child's record is wiped cleaned.

    difficult child is delighted, husband is very pleased.
  2. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    That's interesting. They don't normally do that if there's been no conviction for drugs, the offender says he/she doesn't do drugs, and the parent of a juvenile is insistent that there is no drug issue. Is this supposed to be a preventative program?
  3. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    WSM, I'm so sorry.
  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry. This kid is going to think he can literally get away with murder.
  5. WSM

    WSM New Member

    Yep, as we were getting in the elevator, he was smirking to himself.

    I think they did it because they don't know what else to do with him. Most people were saying he might get residential therapeutic treatment, but today's PubDef said that that wasn't going to happen, they were overcrowded, for older kids, and mostly for kids who don't have families. And putting him in juvvy for non violent crime means putting him in with some scary kids. We saw them sitting there today in chains and jumpsuits, just looking for a fight, baiting the judge even, a really, really bad place to put a scrawny little white boy with jug ears and bright red hair. So they shoved him off to drug court.

    And he thinks he's untouchable.
  6. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    WSM, if I were you, I"d be out of there sooner rather than later. This kid won't stop until somebody is seriously hurt or wrongly accused of abuse. I just wouldn't want to live under the same roof as him. He's a scary Teflon kid. My petition for divorce would be all signed, sealed and delivered.

    I never wanted to get divorced myself and I stayed with a man who was quite difficult for seventeen years. But when it was really time to go, I did get out of there and I've never had any regrets.

    Good luck.
  7. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    I agree. And it's not just because of any one thing in your situation, although I would literally be scared of difficult child, but all of it together. Between difficult child himself and the help he needs but is not getting, husband's avoidance/denial, husband's attitude over it all, husband's attitude over what you try to do.....get out NOW.

    I know you are worried for and about your step-daughter but you need to leave. Talk to the DCF caseworker about her and tell her you would be willing to take her in when the time comes, talk to anyone you have to about her. But still.....LEAVE!!!!

    Forget the raise, forget the promotion....just get out. Things in that house are going to escalate and you do not want to be there when it does.
  8. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    I agree. Leave. Now.

    Give letters to your step-dds school to be given to a CPS worker if they ever pull her from school. Let current CPS worker know that you left and that you are willing to take step-difficult child if she decides to pull her. GET ENROLLED IN A FOSTER PARENT TRAINING CLASS. Find the time, it is usually once a week for 2-3 hours for 6-8 weeks. Once you are certified as a foster parent, contact the CPS worker again and let her know that not only are you still willing to take step-daughter but that you are now a certified foster parent (it will make it easier for her to place with you if/when she pulls her).

    Heck, file your divorce papers asking for custody of her...legally you shouldn't get her but you never know...

    I'd be out this weekend.
  9. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    I'm so sorry. It's just unfathomable that this is happening, but I see now why it is happening. The system is really messed up. But your difficult child is scarey in his own right, and like the others here, and you too, I agree that it's just a matter of time before something major goes down with him.
  10. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Get out. Or get HIM and his difficult child out. NOW. Go to your atty and file papers. Ask for custody of stepdau. It never hurts to ask.

    Make HIM leave. The house is yours, I think. If you don't want it, then leave it to him. Just ask the court to make the mortgage 100% HIS.

    difficult child now KNOWS he is untouchable. Not thinks it, KNOWS it. And right now he IS. Because of his age there are almost no facilities for him to go to. Even if you pay yourself there are not many places.

    Time to go. The credits are rolling and the final score is playing. Go before the fat lady sings.

    I am sorry.
  11. ThreeShadows

    ThreeShadows Quid me anxia?

    I'm so sorry, this is awful. Why are you still with this boy's father? I would leave him now. You feel like excess baggage and that's inhuman. This man needs to live with the consequences of his negligence. As long as you stick with him he will feel that his behavior is acceptable to society, JUST AS HIS SON DOES!
  12. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    I have been following your story all along here and was SOOO hoping for a happy ending....

    But unfortunately, I think the others are right. The "Drug Classes" sentence has just made difficult child that much more dangerous...because now he knows for sure that nothing will happen to him...there are no consequences for his actions.

    Get out while the getting is still good. File a motion for the step daughter. Report your suspicions of sexual abuse to CPS.


    So sorry things have gone this way...

  13. WSM

    WSM New Member

    I saw the lawyer today.

    The house is joint, but was purchased prior to marriage, thus not a marital asset. I invested more in and if there were a profit, I'd get proportionally more out. It has to sell at $380K to break even, and the realtor thinks it will go for abt $365K once the renovation project is done (ceiling, finish laying wood floors, some wall repair, and painting and general repair here and there--and declutter, husband is a famous packrat).

    I have a job where I cannot, can NOT have credit problems, I will lose my job and they check every January. So I am going to cheerfully push for us to finish the repairs 'by the holidays', I think he will do it without trouble, and then serve the papers.

    The judge will not order either of us out, we will have to live together until the house sells--unless there is an incident. So I have to wait for an incident, and I think there probably won't be one severe enough to eject either of us. If one of us leaves we will have to pay our new rent plus half the old and neither of us can do that. If he defaults, I have to pick up his half of the mortgage and that will break me fast. I will get 'credit' for paying his half, and can request the 'credit' be converted to alimony at divorce time and garnished, but I can't garnish his half until he defaults first. And if he defaults say to the tune of $9000, his alimony garnishment might only be $150 a month for 5 years, nothing I can count on to make up for taking out a loan.

    I have no idea how I'm going to live with this kid except to put cameras and recorders up EVERYWHERE.

    I cannot get custody of stepdaughter. If CPS finds it unsuitable for her to live with an alcoholic father and a strange scary brother, they can remove her, but they will not put her with me even if I am a foster parent. And frankly the bar for removal is high. When I go, I will not see her again and she will not have anyone to protect her.
  14. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Sorry to hear about the house. I would push for repair sooner if you can swing hiring someone to do it. Even if you must pay for the worker yourself. At least for the wall repairs. If the drywall is not repaired right the holes will show and bring the price down. If you could get the house done before Halloween you could get out that much sooner.

    Do you have a room you can make your own bedroom? Or husband's bedroom? It might be worth finding someone on craigslist, like the woman I found, and have her go through and pitch the junk and consolidate the half full boxes. At least in storage areas and public areas. It would help you reach that date sooner. Right now, with husband's packrat stuff being part of the reason for the clutter, if husband doesn't want out of the marriage then he will just refuse to go through his stuff.

    Conversely, for $40 or so a month you might be able to store all his stuff in a storage unit. Rent a pickup from uhaul for $19.99 and hire a teen or college student to load it and unload it while you drive the truck. Then give husband the keys and the bill paid to Christmas. If it comes back itno the house you get to pitch it in the trash.

    I just think the boy might get dangerous all at once, or that dad might put him up to damaging the house just so it won't sell and you won't leave him. difficult child would WANT to make you stay if you want to leave. Part of the difficult child way of thinking. It makes no sense, but difficult child's rarely make sense.
  15. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    My brother is going through the nightmare of trashed credit due to divorce/home issues and it's really tough. But he was not dealing with a potentially dangerous stepson, a good for nothing husband, and a stepdaughter that needs protecting.

    You alone have to make the decision about staying or going. Obviously every poster before me has urged you to leave. But ultimately it's you who decides. If you need to stay, cameras are a good idea if he doesn't know about them. Once he finds out those things will be destroyed. Visit your local sherif's office or police precinct and advise them that difficult child got off on the charges and you have some concern for your safety. If you should call in the future if things get dangerous or out of hand, they will treat it seriously. I agree you need to find personal space in the home.

    Sorry it worked out this way.