Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Abbey, Sep 28, 2009.
Hard to come by, but so cherished. I've only had a few in my years.
Well, Miss Abbey, this is a cryptic message...
Oh, and HUGS to you!
They sure are. And I've only had a few as well.
I think this another Random Deb moment... We love you too, Abbers.
Hey...are you saying I have a reputation?
Nothing cryptic, just truth. H walks in my room after I've been on the phone with my 'imaginary' friend last night for a good while and just shakes his head and says, "Oh, talking with one of your imaginary friends?" Turd bucket.
I can easily move into random Deb mode, though. How about these:
I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
· There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.
· Life is sexually transmitted.
· Healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
· The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
· Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
· Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?
· Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
· All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
· In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
· How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
· Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these dangly things and drink whatever comes out?'
· If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
· Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?
· If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
· If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
· Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
· Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
· Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
· Do you ever wonder why you gave me your email address?
(I didn't write these, but thought they were worth pondering.)
My teammates at work are annoyed with me because I'm getting more hours than they are and they've been there since the creation of time. Well, dears, maybe it's because I'm willing to work ANY TIME AND DON'T GRIPE ALL THE TIME. Ya think?
I've lost 9 lbs since starting this job but none of it seems to be going away from my tummy. Darn brauts.
My friend in Madison called me at 2am yesterday to see if I wanted to make a quick trip to school district. Quick trip? It's 13 hours there! He just wanted to see his mom. What a mama's boy. Then turn around and drive back so he could be back tomorrow for work. I think I'll pass on that trip. I swear people up in this neck of the woods drive states away and think it's just a small jaunt.
My lawn needs to be mowed. I'm SHOCKED that I'm wishing for snow to just cover it up and I don't have to deal with it until spring.
I gave a friend a ride home from work the other day and nearly gave her whiplash from my cruddy car. We can't look at each other without cracking up. She said, "Yeah, when you said you'd give me a ride but my car is really crappy, I had no idea how serious you were." She hasn't asked for a ride since.
I'm learning to get around without the Garmin. Just a few times did I end up in other cities...Berlin, Ripon, Appleton, Manatowac, Menasha, Neena...just to name a few. They all look the same. The gas station attendants are getting to know me quite well up here. Ummm...could you tell me where I am and how to get back to Oshkosh?
You ever get emails from people you really shouldn't have? My dad, who I have never said one cuss word in front of occasionally sends me, umm...rather inappropriate jokes and such. I'm almost afraid to open them sometimes. I guess he's not the prude I thought.
Ok, here's another from my pop.
1. Americans spend $36,000,000 at Wal-Mart every HOUR of every day.
2. This works out to $20,928 profit every minute!
3. Wal-Mart will sell more from January 1 to St.Patrick's Day (March 17th) than Target sells all year.
4. Wal-Mart is bigger than Home Depot + Kroger + Target + Sears + Costco + K-Mart combined.
5. Wal-Mart employs 1.6 million people and is the largest private employer.
6. Wal-Mart is the largest company in the history of the World.
7. Wal-Mart now sells more food than Kroger & Safeway combined, and keep in mind they did this in only 15 years.
8. During this same period, 31 Supermarket chains sought bankruptcy (including Winn-Dixie).
9. Wal-Mart now sells more food than any other store in the world.
10. Wal-Mart has approx 3,900 stores in the USA of which 1,906 are Super Centers; this is 1,000 more than it had 5 years ago.
11. This year 7.2 billion different purchasing experiences will occur at a Wal-Mart store. (Earth's population is approximately 6.5 billion.)
12. Ninety percent (90%) of all Americans live within 15 miles of a Wal-Mart.
Let Wal-Mart bail out Wall Street.
Better yet . . . let them run the *&^% Government!!!!!!!
Alright...enough random? I have to go to work. haha...I'm working today and none of the team is. Why do I take such pleasure in that?
Wow, you just hit the ground rinning today and don't look back! My head is spinning...
If he keeps up with this IMAGINARY baloney I'm going get him on some really seedy catalog lists, and a make sure he's signed up for a few super -'righteous', modern-day causes that will make PETA and the Black Panthers phamplets look like he's getting a subscription to Oprah.
Oh, please do, Starbie. I can just sit back and watch, then call my imaginary friend and laugh my buttocks off.
(Sorry GVC for making your head spin.)
Must. Have. Address. - Never mind. I'll get it from one of your OTHER imaginary friends. HAHAHA. I'm calling Stang tonight - YOU JUST WAIT...
Oh, my...you and Stang tag teaming it? I should just go hide in my cave for awhile, well at least until 2am. Or, you can find me at Target. I don't hide well. I'm the tall one with the really bad hair dye and the angry co-workers as I've crossed departments. I should put that big red target symbol on my forehead.
Now, if you can get me through dinner with the inlaws and a shower before 8pm, you'd be golden.
Oh yeah - well I'm asking GCV Mom TOO. You're in truuuuuuuble.
I threw all my seed catalogs away. O H! You meant the OTHER seedy! Hmmmm.... I'll have to see what I can DIG UP (get it? Seed? Dig? Oh, nevermind).
Oh, please, can I help?
gcvmom has my phone number...and I can be very creative...
Alright...you guys are ganging up on me. Not fair.
Correction, we are ganging up on H, remember? He was the one Star said she's sending the catalogs to. You, dear, are merely an innocent bystander.
"Why honey, I do not have ANY idea who sent that to you! None of MY friends would do that. After all, they are IMAGINARY, remember?" Mwah-ha-ha-ha-haaaaaa!
Innocent. Wow...never been called that. Ha!
Bring on the mags.
That one got me laughing so hard I coughed up a lung.
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, I can't wait to hear hubby's reaction to the seedy mags by imaginary friends. lmao
Have already conversed with Star. *snort* Came up with a few extra ideas.
Heh heh heh.
Separate names with a comma.