Good Grief...Can I Vent?

[TYLERFAN]

Hi Family:

I really need a good vent session. There are so many things going on and I am finding it hard to cope....Really hard
difficult child continues to make life miserable and Grandmonster is helping her
She has been non-compliant with our legal agreement for over a year and now tells ME that I am in violation because husband told the drug testing agency that he doesn't want to pay for drug testing for difficult child while she is pregnant......and that the order has been irrovocably violated by difficult child. Now, I'm not 100% sure that this is correct. My attorney told us that the first time she violates the order, the order is invalid for her visitation rights. We have another attorney that husband hired looking into the matter.
difficult child has been making noises about going to court to get more visitation, she doesn't think it matters that she has had maybe only 3 drug tests in 13 months......
She continues to say she wants "J" back in 3 years, doesn't get that she was supposed to have followed the order in order to ask for return custody. I know her personality disorder combined with her disorganized thinking and impulsive nature inhibits her to some degree in understanding, but I am just not buying her total stupidity act. And as "witz" said in a previous post to me, I am Furious with her. Her total disregard for ANOTHER childs life as well as her son's.....and now thinking she can do a better job this time.....and her being in the same predicament as last time. WTH???????
husband wants nothing but full custody of "J", I am the one who is the Guardian and I don't know what I want. I am not sure that going into court to get custody just because difficult child is prego again is the right thing. New attrny told husband yesterday, they may want the siblings to be "together" and the court could ask us to take the new baby???? I never have heard of such a thing? I feel that maybe we can just appease difficult child forever and not have to do any more legal wrangling.....Probably won't happen though.
I don't know. I feel so conflicted. In my own selfish way, I feel like I am missing the freedom we used to have. I love "J" so much, but if he were to go back to his mom at 13 or 14, I might not be as adamant as I am today.....Does that make any sense, or am I a bad gramma?
I guess I just feel that this is the hardest job I've ever done....not sure I am totally confident about my ability and the results.....

I'm sorry guys, I am rambling here. I just need to know if any of this makes sense or do I need to go to my shrink tomorrow?

By the way, I Love my Job, Love my Husband, Love my "J" and life is darn good....I am very grateful and happy. I don't understand why I still have the feelings I wrote above.

Any insights are appreciated.

Blessings,
Melissa:coffee2:

 

[DDD]

Sorry, Melissa. GFGmoms have a way of turning the world upside down on a whim.........usually a whim that benefits them. It is SO frustrating and SO sad and SO destructive for the extended family.

I think your husband is right to have a 2nd attorney review the agreement and the pattern of non-compliance. in my humble opinion the reason GFGmoms can and do cause such pain is because the "normal" adults in the situation keep trying to believe that the GFGmom has honest and sincere intentions. It's hard to slam and lock the door on your child knowing that there will never be the relationship that you had assumed would kick in at maturity. Melissa, there is NO maturity around the corner for GFGmom.

Absolutely I think you need to talk to your professional to help sort through the specifics of your purgatory. Your CD family cares and supports you but we don't "know" all the players well enough to give any expert advice.

Regarding the new sibling being raised with J...well, as a Guardian Ad Litem
I saw repeatedly that Childrens Services decided to "add a baby" (and sometimes another full grown child!) to the happy home that one child was enjoying. Around here it was not unusual for it to be "ugly". "IF you want to keep the baby THEN you MUST welcome the sibling...etc."

I have a number of problems with that threat. The most obvious problem is that GFGmom's tend to have "the rabbit habit"...and just about as much
preplanning ability. One can become two which becomes three. One woman in this town literally had eleven children by different men and "the system" tried to block the adoption of two siblings that I was GAL for, to force the foster parents to add "at least one more". Yikes!

by the way, a teenager boy would not do well being thrust into wacky lifestyles.
That is exactly how easy child/difficult child got "introduced" into booze and pot...GFGmoms boyfriend thought he was old enough because he was a teen!

Sending many caring hugs. Wish I could send an answser. See your therapist AND very importantly stay connected to husband regarding the J issue. J NEEDS two parents who work as a team. Hugs. DDD

 

[lovemysons]

Wow Melissa, I can't add much to what has already been said by DDD. DDD has alot of the life experience in this kind of situation.

I just want to tell you that I think your baby J is so blessed, so very fortunate to have you in his life.

I hope all this comes to a reasonable conclusion soon.
Just wanted you to know, I'm listening and care.

Tammy

 

[KTMom91]

Oh, Melissa...I don't have any words of wisdom, and no personal experience on this, but I'll be praying for you and your family that the right decisions will be made.

Many hugs.

 

[katya02]

Hi Melissa,
How frustrating for you to get jerked back and forth at Gfgmom's whim! And to have to worry about J, and about what the crazy people at CPS will do. I've always thought that it's highly significant that none of the CPS workers I've known had any practical experience with kids, far less with difficult children.

I don't have concrete advice, just hugs and support. By all means, vent away! It's the least you deserve.

 

[rejectedmom]

TF, It has been a long while since I visited the board. I am sorry to see that you are still having so much difficulty with your difficult child. Raising your grandchild is very hard work and you are not alone in this situation. There are support groups for Grandparents raising grandchildren. Maybe there is one near you? At any rate vent away we'll listen. -RM