Boy am I glad that I have you guys to share my news with. For the good news, I went to the hematologist yesterday. My blood test are within the normal range again. I am so glad. I am having more energy and am starting to feel better. I had a bone marrow biopsy a couple of months ago and the test was good for no cancer. doctors. think that I was under so much stress with difficult child that my health just plummeted from too much. The bad news and I am not so sure what kind of news it really is. difficult child is in fostercare and she loves her foster home. She doesn't really want to come home. She told me today. I have to say that I was a little hurt but also a little relieved. I know she's gonna have to come home anyway and they are talking like in a couple of months, longer if I need it. I love her foster parents too. If I could pick a set of parents for her it would be them. Foster parents are moving into a really nice big house this weekend and she has opted to stay at home and help them get moved instead of coming home. I can have her whenever I want to go get her so that's not a problem. It still bites to hear it though. I have gone through so much with her and given so much and then she tells me she doesn't really want to come home. Ugh, Gfgness never ends, somehow it goes on and on. Because my visitation is so liberal, and she lives so close, (couple of blocks), I wonder if that is part of the problem. We never miss each other and talk 5-10xs a day. We get the best of both worlds, I guess. Our time away and time together. When I became a mother, I never saw myself feeling this way or having things turn out this way. With easy child I was almost a perfect mom, then came my difficult child and everything went haywire. Things were just never the same again. I was never the same again. Today, I just feel like I suck as a parent. Goodness that can feel pretty bad when all you wanted was to be a good mommy. Okay, maybe when I get home and get outside with dog, I'll feel better. For you out there that have grown difficult child's do they remember the good times or only the bad times. Are they mad at you when they get older, or since they are difficult child's does it all continue? DO they ever except any responsibility for how things turned out???