Good thoughts/prayers needed

[Californiablonde]

If y'all could send good vibes my way I'd appreciate it. For the last three days I have been having random chest pains that come and go. I think it's anxiety related. My anxiety has been really high lately and I think it's stress. Normally keeping myself busy at work helps alleviate some of it, but these last couple of weeks before summer vacation are incredibly slow. This week the kids are taking there finals and getting out of school early. My work has come down to a screetching halt. We don't give out tardy passes during finals week and entering all the tardies into the computer is soley my job and usually keeps me busy for a few good hours. I am barely getting any phone calls to excuse absences because parents do not want to call their kids in sick right now unless they are very ill. There are no early releases for doctor's appointments so no parents coming to see me. Basically I am getting paid to go on the internet for eight hours. Starting Friday it will be even slower because the kids' last day of school is this Thursday. This Friday my job will be to file papers and pack everything into boxes. So at least I will be busy for about a half a day. Next week it will be dead. Eight hours of surfing the internet will be my only job. I know it sounds easy and like a dream come true to most people, but for me it doesn't do my anxiety any good. Idle time is the devil's playground, as they say. I am not worried about summer vacation because I have lots of activities planned with the kids. Plus I can take my Xanax during the day if needed so I'm good there. Right now I'm stuck with no medications to help alleviate this pain and these **** panic attacks at work. For now I joined several new groups on Facebook and I'm hoping they help keep me busy for awhile. If you all could keep me in your thoughts I would surely appreciate it.

 

[Dixies_fire]

You have all of my good thoughts vibes and prayers.

I would probably take a book if your allowed and maybe write some lists towards things you need to do at home or some such. Structured thinking helps me.

 

[Californiablonde]

I am not allowed to read here. I'm stuck at this darn computer. I can only go on Facebook so much till I'm bored. I joined a weight loss group, a cat lover's group, and an anxiety support group so at least I have a few new pages to go on. Taking baths helps with the anxiety but I gotta wait till I get home to do that. Even then my boyfriend complains I'm in there too long and doesn't like it so I can't spend a lot of time in there. I wish I could find a medication I can safely take and drive with it. Then all my problems would be solved. I am trying deep breathing to help calm me down but so far it hasn't helped. I don't know what else to do except suffer through it.

 

[Californiablonde]

I have a friend on Facebook who I met on one of my bipolar support groups. She's always so negative. About everything. All the time. Right now she is blowing up my newsfeed with a bunch of negative and depressing posts. I feel bad for her but it's really bringing me down. I am going to go on my kitty cat group and look at pictures of cute little animals. Maybe I'll even post a few pics of my Lily and Mandy. I gotta find something productive to do or else I'm gonna go crazy in here.

 

[SuZir]

How about some research projects? Either for fun or something that could turn useful.

-Go and find new, healthy recipes. Make a meal plan for few weeks for your family. Breakfasts, lunches, dinners, snacks. With lots of new recipes. Make the shopping lists for what you will need.

-Research schooling options for your difficult child in case you would need them in future.

-Research fun and affordable activities in your area. Things you can do with the kids, when you have your vacation. There are probably much more things than you knew of. Museums, sights, fairs, places to see or go and have a picnic etc.

-Research self-calming and relaxation techniques and try ones you can without gaining attention

etc.

Edit: Oh, and hide your negative friend. You don't need to see her negative posts now that you struggle yourself. You can unhide her when you are feeling better again.

 

[FlowerGarden]

positive thoughts being sent your way for the rest of your work week!

 

[Californiablonde]

Those are great ideas Suzir. My kids are always complaining I cook the same things over and over again and they don't like it. I will look for new recipes. I still have my new weight loss support group and cat group to check out too. As if my anxiety isn't high enough already I got pulled over on my lunch break. I had just left work and turned the corner. I was sitting at a stop light and an officer comes up beside me out of nowhere and knocks really hard on my window. When I rolled it down he lied and told me he had been chasing me for ten miles. I had barely traveled a quarter of a mile much less ten. One of my favorite songs had been playing so I had the radio turned up so that's why I didn't hear the siren. He yelled at me and told me I need to pay attention when I'm driving. I had barely left work and had just turned the corner and that's why I didn't look in my rearview mirror right away. Normally I'm very aware when I'm driving. The police officer insisted he had been trying to pull me over for ten miles. Total outright lie. So I got a fix it ticket for a broken tail light. I won't be taking my Xanax tonight because I have to go to the grocery store and get dinner then go to the auto parts store to get a new light. By the time I get home it will be too late to mix my anxiety medications with my bipolar medications that help me sleep. So no relief for me tonight.

 

[Californiablonde]

I texted my boyfriend and asked him to take me to the auto parts store so I can take my medications as soon as I get home. At first he didn't want to do it. He couldn't understand why I couldn't wait till later to take my pills. Then I told him I was feeling bad and needed them as soon as possible. He wanted to know why I couldn't just take them and drive. I reminded him about my DUI and the Klonopin. He finally reluctantly agreed. I am relieved even though I know he's not happy with me. I wish he was more understanding about my disorder but he's not. Oh well I'm just happy I will be home in about an hour and I can take my Xanax. I hate having to rely on that stuff but right now I really need some relief.

 

[1905]

CB, I can totally relate to being bored at work. Our kids leave for home at 1:15 and we can't leave until 3:30. I have to find something to do because our room is cleaned out, packed up and covered up. I go on the internet and print tons of recipes, go to a website called Hip2save and check out great deals and coupons, also go to my supermarket website and make my list then print it (sales!), our district blocked facebook so I can't do that, if all else fails go to a website called ****youautocorrect -OMG is that funny, once you get there, more funny websites are on the top. I polished my nails, cleaned out my pocketbook, e-mailed some people, called the dentist.....watched youtube on how to make a vodka gimlet, watched youtube on how to make a wiskey sour with fresh fruit. Youtube can be your best friend...be creative!
Anxiety is all your chest pains are, I swear! I have Xanax but I never take it, just as a backup I like to know it's there. I think I have Adhd and am too busy to relax. If you ask my family they would say, "Take it!" Anyway, I really think you should take your bath for as long as you need to. It is very important to your mental health, your boyfriend will survive those few extra minutes that you're in the tub. Do not feel guilty, that is your mantra while you're in there.
Can you take the medication when you are still at work so it's working when you get home but not while you drive? You don't listen to him about that, just take it as soon as you can. None of his business, you need to feel better -that is what the medicine is for.

 

[Californiablonde]

Youtube is a blocked website here but Facebook is accepted because the school district has it's own page. Of course nobody ever visits that page and they go on it for their own personal reasons but we all do it and nobody cares. Thank goodness! All of my support groups are on there and I really count on them sometimes to help me get through the rough days. I checked out my new weight loss support group today and found some good recipes that I printed out and I'm going to try. I am going to go on Pinterest tomorrow and find even more recipes. Plus I have my newest kitty cat group to check out. Unfortunately it's not enough to make this darn anxiety go away. I am sitting here at work right now having the biggest panic attack. Fortunately I seem to hide it well and nobody notices. In another half hour I can go home and take my Xanax. Then my boyfriend will be driving me to the auto parts store for my light. I have decided to forgo cooking tonight and order take out. I want to take another bath as soon as possible. You're right I should be able to take my bath as long as I want to without feeling guilty. It is, after all, MY house. So I will take that bath tonight and I'm not gonna let myself feel bad!

 

[BusynMember]

Good thoughts and prayers from me!!

 

[Liahona]

Have you tried genealogy? I've heard it can be quite addicting. Hope you feel better soon.

 

[Californiablonde]

Thank you for the good thoughts and wishes. I am sitting at work right now and the anxiety has already started. It actually started first thing this morning when my alarm went off. Now it's getting worse and it's only 8:50 am. I have coffee but I can't drink it right now because I have discovered that caffeine makes it worse. Yesterday it got so bad I felt like I was dying. My heart was racing super fast and I had a horrible feeling in my stomach. I snuck out of work early. I couldn't take it anymore so I went home for a Xanax and a hot bath. It helped calm me down enough to where I could sleep. Today I'm on my own until 3:30. Then I am going home to take a quick shower and I'm off to see my therapist. He is not helpful at all whatsoever with my anxiety. I am considering cancelling the appointment. If I see him today I won't get home in time for my Xanax. If this anxiety keeps getting worse as the day goes on I won't be able to make it. I am praying I make it through this day. I am taking it one day at a time and right now that's all I can do.

 

[InsaneCdn]

Instead of coffee, try drinking peppermint tea. No caffeine... AND it's known to have some "calming" effect.

 

[Californiablonde]

Thank you I will get some tea on my lunch break. Right now I'll try anything. I'm getting desperate.

 

[Californiablonde]

I forgot to add I'm also getting a nasty sore throat and runny nose. I'm sneezing like crazy. I'm getting what difficult child had. Hot tea sounds really good right now. I may cancel my therapy appointment. This anxiety is getting worse and I don't want to drive more than I have to. I already canceled our last appointment cause I didn't feel like going. He isn't going to be happy for me canceling again, but my mental health is more important. This guy told me he can't help me with the anxiety. He's not a congitive behavior therapist. I really need somebody to give me techniques to help me with these panic attacks. Right now I'm just wasting my money.

 

[InsaneCdn]

Add some honey to that tea... it really helps sore throats.

 

[Californiablonde]

I am drinking the tea now. My throat feels a little bit better but the anxiety is getting much worse. It feels like my heart is about to come out of my chest it's beating so hard. I got a little something for lunch but I can't eat it. I requested to leave work a half hour early to make it to my therapist but I am going to cancel. I am going to take my Xanax early and soak in a hot tub. Hopefully relief comes quickly. Right now I feel like I'm going to have a heart attack.

 

[Californiablonde]

I feel like a big baby but I had to leave work early yesterday. I took an hour and a half sick time. Not only did my throat hurt badly but I had a headache and my heart was racing. I told the office manager I was sick but I really left because I could no longer handle the panic attack. I went home and took a Xanax and a bath. My boyfriend couldn't believe I left work early. He told me he had a sore throat last week but he still managed to make it to work every day. He told me that taking off work early due to a "cold" was ridiculous. He was trying to make me feel bad. I took my night time medications and went to be early. I couldn't watch TV because the light was hurting my head. Screw him. I am not going to feel guilty. I am just hoping I make it through the end of today okay. I am still very anxious although my throat doesn't hurt as much and my headache went away. Now I can feel yucky stuff in my chest so I'm trying to cough it up. I can't leave early again today so I really need to tough it out.