Googling boarding schools is my calming hobby ...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by TerryJ2, Nov 21, 2011.

  1. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I've had the entire day to myself, to paint, write, clean, whatever ... and all I've done is go for a walk, take a shower, and go back to bed. I am overwhelmed, and depressed. It is overcast and gloomy and the leaves are falling like rain.

    difficult child gets his report card today. I got impatient, and went online and found his grades ... a very average student, with-the exception of tech ed and PE, which don't "count," and in which he gets A's. Sigh. I have no idea how Spanish ended up as a B. Amazing. Social Studies is either a D or F. The gradebook says F, but the final grade says D. I think the teacher is passing him on because he knows that difficult child is actually learning something, but is not turning in his work. We are going to meet next week ... if I don't have jury duty all week.

    Oh yeah ... I had to call Verizon again because difficult child racked up another $200 on another phone line (that makes the two land lines, his cell ph, and the credit card, totalling nearly $700) and I just went back to bed instead of dealing with-it. After noon, things seemed better, so I called and blocked the 900# feature, and they are investigating the rest and making sure we don't get sent to collections. Not the kind of thing that is conducive to creating watercolors and poetry ...
    I got the MRI results over the phone from P's neurologist. Lots of mini-strokes, and brain shrinkage, so a combination of age-related dementia and strokes. Her memory is never coming back. And she is sooooo high maintenance.

    husband and I had a bunch of friends over Sat night for a wine tasting party. It was great fun, but husband pulled a muscle in his shoulder and his hip. You know how you're on a high after a party and want to plan the next one? All he wanted to do was play Sudoku and ice his injuries. He is overworked and also overwhelmed and does not do anything to get himself out of his own rut. I mean, he owns his own clinic. So he does't play baseball with-difficult child, just comes home and watches the occasional movie with-him, goes to therapy once a mo, and thinks that's enough.
    Sorry, just had to get this off my chest.
    Since difficult child has had his computer disassembled, he is now going to friends' houses and using their computer games. He hasn't done any homework and now, isn't even reading at night because he and his girlfriend talk for hrs at a time. I'm the Bad Guy, making him turn off his phone, because husband goes to bed earlier than we do. I am so sick of this!

    I know I've said this before, but I need to come up with-at least $60,000 to send difficult child to a boarding school. I think it would make a huge difference in his life. What we are doing right now is just coasting. husband is happy because no one is fighting, but this is the proverbial ostrich-with-its-head-in-the-sand approach.
    Thanks for listening.
  2. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    many many ((((hugs))))

    So sorry you have to deal with all this stress...

    And if you are serious about the boarding school? I know that some RTCs are now offering student-loan-style financing. Might be something to look into....
  3. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I feel for you. First question- WHY does he still have his phone? I'd toss it. Secondly, I coasted for a few years thinking I was saving money I needed and wanting to keep investing in difficult child's future education. In hindsight, well let's just it has cost difficult child and me a whole lot more than it would have cost to bite the bullet and send him to a wilderness camp, like I was looking into to. However, I wouldn't have been allowed to without permission from his PO. I don't know if you are still trying to avoid him getting legal charges but if these companies start looking too much and you tell them your son did this without your permission, some of them can and will pursue legal charges on their own. My bank or CC co one started to do that just because I mentioned that although I would pay what was owed, my son 'must have gotten my card and used it to pay for porn behind my back". Of course, I said that because I was embarressed that my statement all of a sudden reflected many charges for online porn subscriptions and I was trying to find contact info to stop mo billing. It was all I could do to backtrack and keep her from pursuing charges. The reason I fought so hard against her pursuing them was because difficult child was already in detention awaiting trial where I knew he'd go to Department of Juvenile Justice and I really didn't think I could afford another court on top of that one.
  4. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    Have you considered military academies? Many schools have financial aid, too.
  5. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I'm considering everything. ;)

    I haven't gotten to the point where the computer companies have taken us to collections yet. We are still within the billing cycle, which ends the first wk of Dec. Verizon separated us from the 3rd party company so it won't affect our credit with-them. But if it comes to that, I think letting difficult child get into legal trouble may be a good idea. But that's just my argument ... he's under 18. We shall see.

    I'm working on the phone issue. We had major phone issues tonight. More on that later.
  6. buddy

    buddy New Member

    I'd share my new indoor locks with you but then you would be back to square one.
    :smashcomputer: :throwpc:
  7. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Take his phone. they still have pay phones places or someone will let him use their phone to call home. If he absolutely has to have a phone, get him a tracphone with very few minutes that cant access the internet and best not use them except to call home or he has to find a way to buy new minutes even if it is raking the dreaded neighbors lawns.
  8. exhausted

    exhausted Active Member

    Hang in there. I would take the phone at least at night. I have heard there are phones where parents can control the numbers the kid dials. Ask Verizon what parental controls thay have. Keep asking if you don't get answers-seems some reps. are clueless abou these options(been there done that) Our daughter has no phone and it's worked out. When they are doing stuff they shouldn't with it why should they get one? ( or not doing homework) They do go use other peoples' and figure ways around consequences but you have to have some control.

    As for husband-I get it. No advise here. If I could find 60,000, I would run away!
  9. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

  10. ready2run

    ready2run New Member

    i have also looked into boarding i could only find one that would take difficult child's though, half way across the country and it only cost $4600/month! if i could afford it, i'd have shipped him off that weekend.
  11. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    That's a good price, Ready!
  12. ready2run

    ready2run New Member

    lol..yeah, i guess for the peace of mind i would get.
  13. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    One of the better schools, a therapeutic school, is $87,000/yr.
  14. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

  15. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    I know how tough this is - but in my opinion the TBS or RTCs are not worth the price. They are just a band aid, and then it all comes back again. Of course this is *just* my experience - and this could not be the case for your difficult child - but I know others that this was the case.

    I really don't know where that leaves us, as parents of difficult children, if RTCs don't work. We need someplace to contain them, so they do not take over our lives - yet - the dollars and time spent are in my opinion like putting them in a time capsule. They get out, and they start again.

    It would be my inclination, had I to do it over again, to really think outside of the box. I mean really outside of the box. Go down the roads less traveled, go with your gut, create your own solution. Take the advice of others with a grain of salt, and be bold.

    HUGS - I know how hard this is - and I don't know the answers - I just know that what I did was futile, useless, and caused more harm than good.
  16. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Terry - I think we traded PMs a while back...

    Our family took "the road less taken".
    It has already cost WAY more than an Residential Treatment Center (RTC)... and we're not done yet.
    There likely won't BE any retirement for us.

    BUT... already, its obvious that the road less taken was the right road to take.
    We decided we didn't want to be sitting "comfortably" in a nursing home 30 years from now, wondering what would have happened had we taken the "road less taken". This way... at least we will have done what is possible to do.

    But that's just us and our values and our approach... and our difficult child.
  17. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Oh wow, that is over three years of salary for me! YIKES. But, if I had it, and it was right for my kid, I would do it.
  18. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I have found least 6 military and boarding schools in VA that are much less than that and some of them have scholarships available. Most of them take kids with ADHD and some Learning Disability (LD). At this point I would just go with that at this time. In a military setting he would probably flourish.
  19. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Looking over the military schools, I see that they are all college prep. difficult child has gone that route and has gone through 3 private schools. As you all know, most of the teachers are good, and there's always one who doesn't "get it." I think a therapeutic boarding school would be better. It still has the routine, but not the rigidity. There is a difference.
    Of course, if I can't liquidate my IRA, it won't matter. When I checked last yr, a $100,000 investment, cashed in, would have been taxed at 50%, so I backed down. Sigh.
  20. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    You can get a ten buck tracfone that won't go online but can be used if he needs to call you. Not sure if you can block 900 numbers, but I think you can.

    But really, the other kids have them, so let him borrow one when he needs to call. Or he can ask an adult to call you.

    Those kinds of charges are outrageous. WHat is he going to do to pay them off? Have you considered having one of the cops come talk to him about what will happen if he does this on someone else's phone? it IS stealing, after all. They think that just because they are kids, or it is on the phone, that it isn't still stealing. It is, and the amts he has racked up may even push it to felony status in some areas.

    Holy Cow! In VA it is a felony if the item stolen is over two hundred dollars! They are starting pretty tough about this here, not sure about VA where you are. Maybe seeing that this could mean juvie, or if he was an adult, jail time, might make an impact? You just can't keep paying this off, or getting the companies to do it.