My phone goes nuts at 4 am. There are 20 texts from difficult child. I don't know what to think. This isn't "normal" behavior for him. I'll copy them because I think exact words convey intent much better than any summary I can create. Just glad it is 4am, so I feel no pressure to reply now. Besides, he needs to sit with this a while. --------------------------------- Hey, I'm not sleeping tonight because I slept a lot this afternoon and I can catch up on it tomorrow but I wanted to let you know that I love you and appreciate everything you do for me day in and day out. I know that we don't see eye to eye on plenty of things but regardless I love you. unconditionally. You are the best mom I could ever ask for and you've slaved for me to grow up the right way since I was young and even when I was a a little boy and then a teenager moving up into manhood without a father figure you made it uncomprehendingly easy for me. I know that you love me and you would do anything for me. From this point on I'm going to do whatever it takes to bring our relationship back to the way it was when I was 11. I promise you can mark my words I'm going to start treating you with the utmost respect as you deserve and stop my self-righteous, immature bull#$%^ about disrespecting you when I don't really want to be judged by the ones who really don't matter. I don't want you to think for one moment more that you are not the person I care for and love for more than anyone else other than God. I did a lot of thinking today and tonight in my room just listening to music by myself. I came to a much more logical perspective which is I should drop my ego and come back to reality. I've accepted so much from you. Myself I've been acting like a selfish little brat and I look at that and feel so embarrassed and I want to sincerely apologize to you and I would also like to do that tomorrow if not in person on the phone because right now I know the most important things in my life are God, you, myself, my education/future and my friends which I trust with everything in me. I love you so much and I just want you to know that. Last night, two friends helped me realize that I have basically put you through hell and it's about time I man up and take responsibility for the way I have treated you. I know you told me this dozens of times and honestly because the way I viewed you at the time presented me from actually taking it into consideration because everything you've said to me for the past couple years has gone in one ear and out the other. Right now I don't want to freak you out by this but I really just have been thinking a lot and I've cried thinking about it for a few hours and I just was able to humble myself enough to exit my exterior shell of my own arrogance and my willingness to give up everything to make sure I have my independence and do it all on my own. No I'm not high or drunk simply enlightened and I want to show you I'm serious about this and I'll show you very soon not text messages, verbally or temporarily, but through my new actions in which I hope you call me out if I screw up in which I pray I don't but this feels much better to come out and tell you this than I think any feeling I think I have ever had in my life. I love you and I hope you never ever feel like questioning that again in your life.