Got a call from Young difficult child's Dr...

[lovemysons]

She asked if difficult child had ever had a problem with addiction...as he says, "No".
I said, "OMG YES!"
They are apparently trying to remove the pain medications they have been giving him and can find no reason for his latest ailment.

I ended up putting the Dr on the phone with husband who shared how difficult child has been addicted to pain medications/alcohol/benzo's for yrs now and this "hospital hopping" is nothing new. husband also let her know that we can no longer enable him or take care of him. It is time for him to grow up and take care of himself.

easy child apparently went and visited difficult child today. Rubbed his feet and back according to difficult child. easy child is going to massage therapy school along with being a senior in college. I guess he called easy child and she decided it was worth the trip to see him in the hospital.

I am not running to his rescue though...the last call I got from him earlier stated that I am his mom for life and have a "duty" to take care of him. I wish he would see his "duty" as a father to his 3 beautiful children. But all he wants is another "fix".

I am still processing Signorina's post to me about Letting Go and not being responsible for difficult child's choices or the outcome.
I have to take care of myself in this process...I am trying to stay positive.

Thank you all for the support you've given me in recent times.
Love you guys,
LMS
ps...I "think" the Dr's are going to have him admitted into another psychiatric hospital.

 

[dstc_99]

Well atleast they called you and are seeing through the lies! I hope easy child doesn't get pulled in.

 

[InsaneCdn]

...I "think" the Dr's are going to have him admitted into another psychiatric hospital.

That's probably closer to what he needs... but whether he will accept help is the big question.
Sending {{hugs}}

 

[PatriotsGirl]

I hope they do admit him in another psychiatric ward. The fact that he claims taking care of him is your duty but he doesn't feel the same about his own children, just goes to show you how cloudy his thinking is right now.

You and husband are handling it amazingly!!!! You are doing exactly what you need to for him...I pray he has clarity soon...

 

[NotMyKidd]

I am not running to his rescue though...the last call I got from him earlier stated that I am his mom for life and have a "duty" to take care of him. I wish he would see his "duty" as a father to his 3 beautiful children. But all he wants is another "fix".

Once again, I feel our son's are speaking from the same script. Mine said that to me 10 days ago. I can't believe they have their heads so far up their you-know-whats that they actually think we have to accept their poor life choices and help them. I have news for my son - when I signed up for motherhood, I willingly and happily accepted the baby years with dirty diapers, late nights, spit up, the terrible twos, the adolescent years, the brutal teen years, etc - but I sure as heck didn't sign up for 9 years plus more to come of drug infested, money sucking drama and pain.

If ANY of us had known for a fact that our sweet baby boys/girls would turn into these soul sucking adults, would we have chosen to have children? That is not a rhetorical question...

Yeah, I guess I'm on the anger part of the spectrum at the moment. The sadness usually follows within 30 minutes or so. Round and round I go...

Hang in there, LMS. I am already past the stage you are currently in. I have already detached. I tried last night to muster some love for my son, but one look into those hollow eyes and sunken cheeks, while listening to him deny yet again that he was on something, just killed the last shred of love I had for him. It's freeing to let go. It really is. It's painful, yes, but the pain I feel now is 100 times diluted from the pain I felt 9 years ago when I first joined this forum and thought his problem was "temporary". He can't be helped. My daughter says he can, but that's because she helped herself. My son wants everyone else to do the hard work for him. You will get to this point, too.

 

[christine5555]

It is something else getting used to this new approach of letting go. But freeing as I've had a smidgeon of that feeling. Keep working on that process LMS. If only there was a switch within us.. But in actual, there is, just have to keep practising turning it off! And reminding ourselves it's for the better for our loved addicts. Would be different having other children as I don't have. Husband's step-children but not close with each other. No control over how they are towards one another. So much of this 'no control' even though we thought we had a lot of it when we blame ourselves for so much of mainly the negative...

 

[Kathy813]

LMS, I can't tell you how many times I have heard "but you have to help me . . . I'm your child." My answer is, "No, you're my adult daughter."

There is a big difference.

Hang in there. He needs to do this on his own. I have noticed that the more I have stepped back and stopped enabling the more my difficult child has started taking care of her own needs.

{{{Hugs}}}

~Kathy

 

[christine5555]

I wish my son would get admitted to psychiatric hospital! How does that happen? Maybe here in Can. they don't do that with so many out and about...

 

[DDD]

I just was checking in on you and yours before hitting the hay early (oops, old people get used to bed after an early dinner, LOL). Your post has me feeling much better. How awesome that the Dr. actually called you to get the real information. How totally awesome that you had husband do the blow by blow description. Terrific that easy child found it in her sweet heart to visit and offer comfort. Today is a much better day at your house. Yes, I know, you are still in pain and full of loving concerns but...you are making real progress Tammy. Great day for you and although I'm going to say my prayer for you all.......I'm going to sleep more peacefully after reading your post. Many hugs. DDD

 

[lovemysons]

dstc, easy child is way too smart for that. She said that she just went and visited him for 15 mins. She has a very kind heart but she knows how to protect herself from the chaos too.

Insane,
Thank you for the hugs. You're absolutely right! Will he be truly honest about his mental state and will they give him appropriate medication? Will he continue to use it after they release him...which I expect will be in just a few days. They don't keep patients as long as they used to that's for sure! When I had my psychotic breakdown I only stayed there long enough to "snap out of it" and come back to reality and then I was quickly discharged.

PG, Thank you. We are doing our best. "Clarity", yes, Young difficult child was very clear-headed when he was first released from prison. And then...several months later, for no reason...He drank...and one drink became two, and two became...well you know how this ends. He had everything going for him. I had so hoped things would turn out differently but maybe the answer will take a different route than the one I originally "planned for him". And maybe my "plans" don't work. This is a God deal in my opinion.

NotMyKid, Yes, it is a miserable realisation for me to think that my young difficult child will never get better. But I have witnessed those who have beat the odd's. I know it can be done. I am also figuring out though...that I can't do it.
I am really sorry you are hurting. I hear that underneath the anger. I know there is a tremendous amount of pain.
Hugs sweetie. I hope you will keep posting.

Kathy, Thank you for the hugs. I SO hope you are right that Young difficult child will step up where I leave off...
They do know how to pull at our heart strings though don't they...but it is just ridiculous now isnt' it, when they are into their mid twenties saying these things.

Christine, I hope your son will get the help he needs. They have to reach out and be honest first though right. We can't do this for them.

DDD, you make me smile. You are an awesome cheerleader. You must have been one back in the day huh?
Well you would be proud of me...I didn't accept a single phone call from difficult child today. He did call and leave a few messages that I listened to...primarily wanting me to drive to the city where he will be in pysch hospital again and drop off packs of cigarettes for him...Uh Nope, not gonna do it. I am going to let him know that the "money tree" no longer exists. husband and I need to make our "own way" through life now...still supporting easy child of course while she is in college and massage therapy school.

Thank you all for your caring support,
Love,
LMS

 

[christine5555]

You are so sweet acknowledging all your supportee's LMS. Am reading 'Broken' by William Moyers right now. The ups and downs of this never ending addiction.. Is a life long journey this and I'm learning as you know/are doing same, the utmost importance is to take care of our own lives first and foremost. Moments of 'I'm getting so tired of it all...' onward we all go tho ... it's what we must do. Xx

 

[lovemysons]

You are SO right Christine...we must go on, we must take care of ourselves, we must win (our part) the battle against this disease.

And speaking of taking care of oneself...I have started taking Wellbutrin XL as of today to add to my Abilify. Supposed to help with depression, clarity, etc. We shall see. Oh, and I could lose alittle weight on it too...that would be a plus!
But yes, it's important that we keep our emotions in check. When my oldest was in Prison Rehab for stealing over 10k worth of computer equip from one of husband's clients, I had a psychotic breakdown. Prior to the breakdown I had panic attacks for the first time in my life. I think I literally had developed PTSD from the double whammy of both of my difficult child son's. I had to be hospitalised for a week. There I was dxd with Bipolar Disorder...It was like my "brain broke". I was living in a state of nightmare-reality if that makes sense. In any event, I have not had a "break" like that in my Pysche' since.

Interestingly enough...I have heard no word, not a peep from young difficult child today. Strange isn't it! yesterday I got at least a dozen phone calls...None that I answered. Today...Nothing.

I SO hope young difficult child is being honest right now in the psychiatric ward. I hope he will get the help he so desperately needs.

Hugs Christine...We have to take care of ourselves as there can be serious consequences if we don't!
LMS

 

[toughlovin]

LMS - Thinking of you lots.....as someone else said on another thread it would be great if we lived on the same block except for the fact that our difficult children would then know each other!! Of course in a way they do know each other since they are so darned similar!!

I am with you working on that detachment.... I am expecting a phone call on Friday begging us to bring him cigs on Saturday.... nope we are not making a special drive into the city either!!

Keep hanging in there and taking care of yourself!!!

TL