Got a call

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by witzend, May 28, 2013.

  1. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    From a friend back home who heard from an acquaintance who works at a liquor store and knows L that L is pregnant with twins.

    I'm glad that I'm not there for her to torture me with those babies. That's all I got.
     
  2. scent of cedar

    scent of cedar New Member

    Oh, Witz.

    This is what I know about that. You are right, about the torture part.

    You were posting about your Will the other day. Would it help you to set up, and to add to every so often, a little trust fund for each of the babies?

    You know, something like: You never knew me. But I am your grandmother, and I've loved you from the moment I knew you were coming.

    Barbara
     
  3. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Thanks, Barbara. It's good to know that someone understands.

    Those babies won't need a trust fund. L was smart enough to marry the President of an international software company. It would be a lie to say I love them. I pity them. I'm terrified of them. But I'm not real big on the idea that I can love them because they're my grandchildren. Blood relatives don't mean that to me. If I live long enough that one of them would contact me on their own as an adult I'd consider that, but that's it. If they don't have any money at that point, I'd be awfully surprised.
     
  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Witz, I understand exactly how you feel. You can't love a child you never see. I have very weak feelings for my only grandson because I was kept away from him and now he's far away. I don't just automatically love somebody because they are DNA connected to me.

    I totally "get" you. I don't blame you for all that you are doing. It makes sense.
     
  5. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Im so sorry witz...what should have been wonderful new is just another punch in the gut for you. Hugs.
     
  6. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I am glad you are not there for the torture, too! It makes my spine shudder what she would do to you now.

    Well, you know....now let it go. It is all good.
     
  7. scent of cedar

    scent of cedar New Member

    Well, Witz...the loving the grandchildren thing? Is actually a revenge sort of thing.

    Much as it seems like she does, L does not hold all the power, here. Life is life, and it does go on. Children become estranged from parents. Persons grow up, and search out their people. Or they get into researching family lines, and search out their people.

    Or they just get curious, and search out their people.

    It doesn't have to be money, then ~ though nothing says I love you like cold, hard cash someone socked away for you ON PURPOSE when you had been told whatever bad things L will tell them about why their grandmother is not in their lives.

    You know how, when a mom is dying of a fatal illness, and she makes little presents for her children to open when they are nine, and again for when they are ten, and so on. The value there is that the children understand she would have been there, if she could have. That is what I am saying, about L's children. There will come a time when they will be curious about their own grandmother.

    And you know you could, with skill, with subtlety and with malice aforethought, create seven kinds of Hell for L, if you want to.

    Even if you are already gone, yourself.

    I'm just sayin'.

    Barbara
     
  8. Tiredof33

    Tiredof33 Active Member

    I totally understand about the grands too. My soon to be 35yo difficult child is with another difficult child from h***, she is about 38yo. They have the relationship from h*** too and I completely stay out of it.

    If there were children (and I pray there never will be) I probably would never see them, or they would be used as pawns to try and extort money from me.
    (((hugs)))
     
  9. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    To add to yesterdays "This isn't going to matter to me", I had eaten badly all weekend in prep for starting a swimming routine this week. I have gained 18 pounds since we moved here and NOTHING fits. I'm going to speak plainly here, because I have learned that there are subtleties in different areas of the country that can't be explained to other parts of the country without a sledge-hammer.

    I live in a small town outside of Charlotte, NC, pop @ 4,000. There are a lot of other small towns around. Everything, including everything in Charlotte closes down around 8 PM, and if it doesn't it's someplace that people are looking for trouble or looking for God or looking for both.

    The "Community Recreation Center" in the next town over does have a public pool that I can pay $5 to swim in. on the other hand, the bathroom for changing is a cinderblock detached thing with two toilet stalls with no doors. Scratch that one. The YMCA has a $10 a day fee or I could join for a membership fee + $50 a month. Due to my Muscular Dystrophy getting into the water and moving around is about what I can do. Yes, I'm sure that water aerobics is "great resistance training", which would be great if I could do reisistance training. And I'm not interested in the weight room, tennis courts, handball courts, or ball fields. Just a gentle move around the pool for 20 minutes or so to get the blood going. There is no reduced fee for a disabled person who can't take advantage of all it has to offer. I could go to the Physical Therapist that they have on staff, use my health insurance, and pay a $25 deductible each time I go to have them watch me do water PT. No thanks. I'm pretty sure I don't want anyone to watch me futz around the pool, and they're all idiots who don't have a clue about MD, which they all think is MS and they're going to cure. GRRR...

    There are some very nice country clubs in the area that have "social memberships" that don't include the golf course. It's only a $30,000 membership fee with a $4,000 a year dues. There are also many things that they call "Swim Clubs". At a Swim Club you need three member references which do not guarantee you membership, and the membership fee is $400 - $500 + $50 a month dues, and you can count on it being segregated. How can you count on it being segregated? You need 3 references from current members, silly! And for that privilege they will count on you in the Spring to bring a scrub brush to clean out the pool for the summer. But, they have a shower.

    So, I came home and ate two pieces of cake and husband and I went to dinner and I have pork chops, mashed potatoes and gravy, and green beans. I was miserable. on the other hand, right next door to the homestyle cafe was a little consignment shop. I went back there today, and it was the owner's b-day so she had marked everything 33% off. I got a pair of pants (still need more) a sweater set, three sun dresses, and three summer blouses for $97. To heck with the diet, to heck with the swimming, I'm going to eat what I want and just buy cheap new to me clothes. That will be my revenge!
     
  10. ThreeShadows

    ThreeShadows Quid me anxia?

    Perhaps you friend back home should refrain from giving you news about L.
     
  11. HaoZi

    HaoZi CD Hall of Fame

    Wow... given those options, if I still wanted to swim, I'd just wear the suit to the one with no doors and put a towel or two on the seat for the drive home :S
    YMCAs don't generally advertise it, but they do have financial assistance for those that qualify. You have to ask for the paperwork.
     
  12. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Probably, but better her than someone else. She's a practical woman and totally understood what was going on with L and why we left. I didn't give her any great reaction, and we moved the conversation on to something else fairly quickly. Her husband had just died and she had left her job so she had plenty to say. She apologized for being the bearer of bad news, but figured better from her than someone else who would surprise me and demand a reaction. Now that I know, husband and I have agreed that should someone else bring it up we're prepared to just say that we had already heard, and if they demand more we're just going to say "Our feelings about that are private. Is there some particular reason you need to know them?" That ought to shut it down.
     
  13. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I'm pretty sure we don't qualify for financial assistance. We earn way too much but we're trying to dig ourselves out of debt so there isn't a lot of money for extras that might be something that we don't want two months down the road. If we stick to our plan we should be there in about 3 years. :(
     
  14. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Here's one for the "stupid ideas" category.
    Does the Y have a swimming program for disabled kids?
    If so, can you volunteer to help with the kids, in return for being in the water yourself?

    Here... they like to have one adult or near-adult (they take 16 year old volunteers) in the water for each kid... as a safety precaution. You don't have to DO anything other than keep an eye on "your" assigned kid, in case help is needed.
     
  15. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    What a funny coincidence. I have not thought of swimming for years and years. I am not a good swimmer but I look four or five months pregnant since I can't "strain my abdominals" and last night I had dreams about being alone in a private pool getting some low key exercise.

    Here are the results of my frelance swim thoughts: (1) I "could" seek out a private swimming instructor and schedule thirty minutes unsupervised at the instructurtors home pool. (2) I "could" call the local hotels and motels and find out if it's possible to "pay per swim" using their facility. (3) OR I could contact pool maintenance companies and inquire if they have absentee homeowners who might be agreeable to letting a stranger use their maintained pool in hopes of offsetting their monthly expense while they are happily back North enjoying "home".

    Hmmmmmmmm....what to do you think Witz? DDD
     
  16. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    Geesh....for those prices you could install a nice, small pool in your backyard and maintain it yourself.
     
  17. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I'll check the college down at the end of the big road. The local hotel is a "maybe", I think. They just put this giant whitewater center in that cost the town 1/5 million in bad bonds, so you'd think they'd let us swim, but I'm sure that's too much to ask.

    PS - Following up:

    The college at the end of the road offers their students free passes to the YMCA. Ironic...

    The whitewater center did not include a pool in their facilities...

    I'll check with the one hotel in town with a pool...
     
    Last edited: May 30, 2013
  18. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I would go for the Y - I use the pool at a local health center (not a gym) that used to be a rehab center. I love the place, the people, the price, and the location (5 blocks from my house!). But, the changing/bath room is the pits - in need of a total rehab! I wear my suit under my clothes, do my thing, then just shower off the chlorine (with my suit on) and wrap up in my towel. I sit down for a few minutes in one of the chairs in the pool area which helps the towel soak up the majority of the water, throw my clothes (usually just a "housedress") back on and go out to my car.

    Sharon
     
  19. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I get what you're saying about the Y, but I just can't bring myself to pay $10 to swim for a few minutes. I might be able to consider it if $10 was what they're charging for swimming, but they're charging $10 for the use of the full facilities. I just can't be that wasteful.
     
  20. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    That stinks witz.

    Alex wants to spend the day at the Y pool for his birthday. Katie called to see if it was possible because of course they can't afford membership. It's 5.00 per person for just the pool for the day.

    I wouldn't want to pay 10.00 either, especially if you are only going to be able to swim a few minutes at a time.
     
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