Got a letter today

[SuZir]

Do remember, that giving Connor any surname doesn't change one thing: He does have a father. And it is very possible it is this guy. There is not erasing him from Connor's life even if you will never let them meet. Trying to do so, will likely just make a child feel bad about himself.

There are times when father can't provide anything but a name for his child, an for child that can be extremely precious, because it is all they got from their dad. I know several people, who have changed their surname (back) to their (often deadbeat) dad's name right at the moment they have been able, and had huge fights with their mothers about the topic all through their teens until that 18th birthday. It can be extremely sensitive issue, especially if child gets a feeling that mother/grandparents who are raising him, think that his dad is worthless. Biology, and child's dreams about 'the real dad' can be surprisingly powerful thing. And it tends to be bigger issue for boys than girls.

I understand well that this guy is not in any position to be a real dad for Connor at least now and you have to do, what you have to to protect Connor (if your daughter will allow that. Let's face it, at this point she still has a power over Connor and that may never totally change), but trying to deny Connor's background from him can hugely backfire in future.

 

[InsaneCdn]

SuZir... one of the issues is that they don't even know for sure if this guy IS the father.
For that reason alone, better to leave the father off the BC totally, it's easier to fix information not provided than to change anything else later...

 

[PatriotsGirl]

You have it exactly right IC. I told her to feel free to change his last name later after she gets him back and he proves to be the father (which I have always had my doubts that it is him)...she was with both men on the same day. Only a blood test will tell...

 

[DammitJanet]

I do know this, if the so called father isnt there to sign the BC, then he will be considered the putative father if your daughter tries to say its him. They wont add him to the BC just on her word. He will be required to take a paternity test to prove the point. If you apply for medicaid immediately after the baby is born that test will be done. I am betting medicaid is paying for her health care now and the baby should be covered for the first year anyway.

 

[PatriotsGirl]

Yes, she has our insurance but no maternity benefits for her so I took her to apply for medicaid and wic as son as she found out she was pregnant. Being in jail, she has had regular prenatal care.

This guy that I work with knows everything going on and made a snide remark about how the taxpayers were paying for her. I set his butt straight real quick. I reminded him that I and my husband have paid into that system for a long time. Dang straight one of mine should be able to use it! Jerk.

 

[Hopeless]

I have people who say the same thing about any assistance my difficult child received. Well you know what, she works her butt off to try and make ends meet waitressing and her and the grands need help. She is not out getting hair extensions or fake nails or living large....which I know people who are.

Okay sorry...stepping off my soapbox now. This is a sore subject of mine obviously.

 

[Signorina]

Birth certificates and parental laws vary tremendously by state. I had my boys in IL & it is only the mother & attendant who sign the BC AND the BC lists the mothers maiden name as "mother" despite marital status or current legal name. My h wasn't even around when the hospital admin came by to get the info & signature. When h & I were negotiating over PC16s name, I joked that only I had access to fill out the BC.

Also in IL, not only is the H the legal father automatically; you cannot finalize a divorce if the wife is pregnant regardless of the unborn child's paternity. If Kim kardaahian lived in IL, her daughter would be Kris Humphries child until they got a court order else wise.

 

[DammitJanet]

I have heard about the law about not being able to finalize a divorce when the woman was pregnant. We worried about that with my divorce because I was pregnant when my ex finally sat still long enough to get the papers served to him but it wasnt a problem.

I was irritated though at the judge because I had asked to go back to my maiden name at the time and he just told me not to worry, being pregnant and I would obviously be married again soon. Ha! I have lived with the same man for the last 30 years, have two kids with him and am never getting married!

 

[svengandhi]

You can't just add a dad's name to a birth certificate with a notary. First of all, the original is on file with the government. Adding a non biological or adoptive father's name could be considered a fraud by, for instance, any health insurance company asked to provide coverage to the child under a father's policy.

I wasn't married to H when our first two kids were born. H had to sign an affidavit before a notary attesting that he acknowledged paternity before his last name could be put on the birth certificates. When the last 3 were born, after we married, they just took our word for it and put H's name on the certificates. I suppose I could have put H's name on by lying but it didn't seem worth it.