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<blockquote data-quote="SuZir" data-source="post: 605318" data-attributes="member: 14557"><p>Do remember, that giving Connor any surname doesn't change one thing: He does have a father. And it is very possible it is this guy. There is not erasing him from Connor's life even if you will never let them meet. Trying to do so, will likely just make a child feel bad about himself. </p><p></p><p>There are times when father can't provide anything but a name for his child, an for child that can be extremely precious, because it is all they got from their dad. I know several people, who have changed their surname (back) to their (often deadbeat) dad's name right at the moment they have been able, and had huge fights with their mothers about the topic all through their teens until that 18th birthday. It can be extremely sensitive issue, especially if child gets a feeling that mother/grandparents who are raising him, think that his dad is worthless. Biology, and child's dreams about 'the real dad' can be surprisingly powerful thing. And it tends to be bigger issue for boys than girls. </p><p></p><p>I understand well that this guy is not in any position to be a real dad for Connor at least now and you have to do, what you have to to protect Connor (if your daughter will allow that. Let's face it, at this point she still has a power over Connor and that may never totally change), but trying to deny Connor's background from him can hugely backfire in future.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SuZir, post: 605318, member: 14557"] Do remember, that giving Connor any surname doesn't change one thing: He does have a father. And it is very possible it is this guy. There is not erasing him from Connor's life even if you will never let them meet. Trying to do so, will likely just make a child feel bad about himself. There are times when father can't provide anything but a name for his child, an for child that can be extremely precious, because it is all they got from their dad. I know several people, who have changed their surname (back) to their (often deadbeat) dad's name right at the moment they have been able, and had huge fights with their mothers about the topic all through their teens until that 18th birthday. It can be extremely sensitive issue, especially if child gets a feeling that mother/grandparents who are raising him, think that his dad is worthless. Biology, and child's dreams about 'the real dad' can be surprisingly powerful thing. And it tends to be bigger issue for boys than girls. I understand well that this guy is not in any position to be a real dad for Connor at least now and you have to do, what you have to to protect Connor (if your daughter will allow that. Let's face it, at this point she still has a power over Connor and that may never totally change), but trying to deny Connor's background from him can hugely backfire in future. [/QUOTE]
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