Got fired yesterday over nothing and not handling it well

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by MidwestMom, Jan 4, 2013.

  1. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I have been a bus aide for Head Start for three and a half years. Granted, this isn't rocket science as a job, but I liked it and enjoyed the kids.

    My bus driver was a rather strange woman but I thought we got along GREAT. Well, yesterday, the first day after Christmas break, my boss called me into her office. Apparently "someone" had made various serious complaints about me, most which were misperceptions of that "someone." That "someone" tends to take situations and draw strange conclusions from them. For example, one of our co-workers found out she had cancer that had come back. There had been rumors by some (not me) that she was just taking off of work to take off of work, so she made an emotional speech about finding out she had another cancer, this one slow growing, but still cancer. She was choking up, but, in general was very brave.

    This "somebody" got very huffy about her speech and marched out of the room and spent the next several days talking about this lady's "tantrum" and how it shouldn't have been allowed to take place and how she just wanted attention and blah, blah, blah. She did not have any compassion for the lady and did not understand the real meaning of t his ladies speech to us. Well, apparently, the same thing happened on the bus. She thought that when I was talking loud over the k ids to her, I was YELLING at her. She claimed I favored certain kids and said inappropriate things in front of the kids and it was NOT TRUE. Everyone whispered stuff to one another on the bus, and everyone knows that, but nobody said anything about the kids or their parents loudly so the kids could hear.

    On the other hand, the bus driver decided one day not to pick up one of our kids. When the parent called to say we hadn't come, she said she had been there but they hadn't seen her so she had left and s he couldn't go back to get the child. Long story behind this. These were not stellar people. They mistreated their kids and made us wait forty-five minutes the night before while they drove home from whoknowswhere. It doesn't matter. We are not allowed not to pick up our kids for any reason. She made it out like it was a little secret between us and I never said anything because I didn't want to get her into trouble. When my boss called and said, "Were you there to pick up A? H er mother called" bus driver said, "Oh, yes, we were there, but she just wasn't ready." Because this parent is not reliable, she got away with it.

    Last night I was almost suicidal over losing the job. Because of my learning differences, including the face blindnes and other deficits, I have a lot of trouble finding any job that I can do so this was huge. I really don't know what to do with myself now. There are other jobs, but I am pretty sure the ones I know about are jobs I would get fired from just because I can't do them, which is different. I feel lost and disoriented and sick. I really don't know what to do with myself. Not to mention, we need the money.

    I'm going to talk to the head of Head Start today, but I don't expect it to do any good. He decided he believed her and anything I will see can only sound like excuses. But I do want to have my last word.

    I rarely feel this lonely, but I am now no longer a part of a workforce. There are not a lot of activities out here in small town USA. And I just feel sick and useless and a little bit suicidal. I am going to try to get in to see some therapist, but, even if I can, which isn't a sure thing, I am not sure even a therapist can help me. I really don't like people very much and this just added to it. So while I'm lonely, I am also not interested in people either. Maybe I just find the wrong ones, but I sure do. I have had very few positive people in my life and it's hard to find them at age 59.

    The kids will be gone today. Tom is at work. It's just me and the dogs. It is very hard for me to justify to myself what reason I have to continue my life. I mean, I've lived almost 60 years already and I look ahead and see a big blank nothing. Yes, I know I have the kids, but the kids are busy, the hub is at work...I'm not at a suicidal point yet, but just scary that I'm thinking about it and in such a peaceful way. I'm not going into a hospital. I've been in a hospital three times. I'm looking for somebody outpatient. Maybe someone can see me today. I really need it. On the o ne plus side, hub is fine with starting the foster care process early both to make some money (not going to lie) but also because I love little kids and that would keep me busy. But even that can't perk me up too much today. Really in a funk. Really feel like giving up. Wish some of you lived by me for coffee. It's not a good day for me to be alone. I wish I had some of your phone you don't need my angst, really!!
  2. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Sending you a HUGE hug and understanding caring thoughts. What you are feeling about the job loss is normal. I'm sure it must be even worse due to your issues, my friend, but truly when I got fired unexpectedly (and not due to my performance) I could barely drive home. I spent three days in bed crying when the kids were at school and lying to them when they were home saying that I had the flu. It completely tore away my self confidence, my sense of capability andd all positive thoughts about the future. That was in l971 and it was worse than any traumas I have experienced in my 72 years.

    It is NORMAL to feel devestated, MWM. Absolutely you should seek out help today because your pain is probably heightened by your issues BUT don't allow yourself to go to the darkest realm. You are a wonderful caring person with a family that loves and needs you. Take it one step at a time, my friend, and find someone to listen to your fears and disappointment. Put one foot in front of you always have...and you will make progress. I don't know what outreach programs are nearby but don't delay. You need to vent. I am truly sorry but I have the utmost confidence you can find help. I'm sending prayers your way. DDD
  3. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Oh, hon...
    :hugs: first of all. You feel alone - but you're not, we are here for you. Doesn't always help much, I know, but - it's something.

    I agree with going to talk to the head guy. But - no matter what he says - don't take it too personally, you KNOW you were not doing anything wrong. Donesn't make it easier. But there it is.

    Those other jobs - yes, you have some issues - but that doesn't mean you'd be fired. Try for them, explain you have some LDs/face blindness right up front. As a former supervisor I'd rather hire someone honest who wasn't a perfect fit than ANY dishonest person!
  4. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Oh dear! I think having your say and standing up for yourself is a good idea if planned. Do you like to write things out ahead of time? Maybe you can at least work out a deal for references because three years of a good track record is nothing to sneeze at. Just wonderinh too if it would be a bad idea to bring up her skipping the home pick up because by your not reporting it, you may be also held responsible now.

    To have no discussion and for them to be so one sided? Thats just wrong.

    Around here there is a constant shortage of bus drivers and aides. I hope the boss will listen to you but I am sure you wouldn't want to drive with her anymore anyway. Too bad the driver wasn't a grown-up and didn't just talk to you directly. People make me mad and I want to tell her off on your behalf.

    I don't see how yelling toward her would be serious anyway. And no procedures or warnings etc? Uggg.

    Geeze people abused q on busses, out right defied their bosses' directions and admitted to it but still kept their jobs. I don't get it.

    We lose money here doing foster care, lol. But those kids need experienced guardians so I hope you do it!

    I'm really sorry and understand the suicidal thoughts but please post your feelings and thoughts here instead of acting on those thoughts. It really would mess up the hard work that you have put in to teaching your kids to trust and work on problems. I know how sneaky depressive thoughts can be....telling us others would be better off etc. But, that is NEVER true. Correct those thoughts if they sneak in, ok? You're right, its not a good day to be alone. Can you go to the library or a humane society to walk dogs.... or? I'm going to check in lots today. Sending you hugs and love. You are very valuable and it would be devastating to not have your voice heard here daily. Keep working on that p or t doctor appointment!
  5. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    MWM---I'm so sorry. Hopefully something else will come along. Have you thought about providing day care in your home?
  6. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    MWM, sending many hugs. I'm so sorry.
  7. JKF

    JKF Well-Known Member

    Awww MWM - I'm sending big hugs to you! I know how you're feeling - I've been through it before and it sucks. It does feel like a loss - especially if you loved the job and were completely blindsided when you got fired. Definitely talk to the head honcho and explain yourself. You have every right to defend yourself against false accusations!

    And I'm a firm believer that sometimes things happen for a reason, even if it seems devastating at the time. Perhaps there is a better opportunity waiting for you out there in the world and this door needed to close before the new one can open.

    Anyway, I really hope you feel better soon! I'm thinking of you and sending lots of hugs and support your way!!!
  8. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    I couldn't quite follow all of that, but I definitely think your side of things needs to be heard by upper level! *HUGS* to you honey, and hang in there.
  9. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    I don't have much to offer except a supportive hug and strong shoulders and open ears. I KNOW how it feels to lose the job you love through no fault of your own. I went through that in May 2011 and was unemployed until Sept 2012. It was the hardest time of my life but I focused all my energy on my kids. I was home so I cooked nicer meals and spent time with them that I couldn't before. I had to MAKE mayself find a reason not to make my kids' lives more miserable by leaving them. They deserved better.

  10. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Thanks, all. And I also believe things happen for a reason...maybe we were supposed to do foster care sooner.

    Gosh, I can't stop crying. I feel like such a child. But I'm going to take a rest and sign up for activities I couldn't before, such as workout activities and community drama and choir. My hub was great. He has been working less hours because if he worked regular hours while I worked, it affects our ability to get Medicaid (really crazy since we make far below the poverty line). Anyway, he can work full time again. Oh, yeah. Another thing I'm going to do is sign my puppy up for puppy kindergarten class, which should be fun. The really sucky thing about this is that it came at a sad time anyway...the time when I have to rehome my older pets for various reasons. On the plus side, I know they will be in good care. One dog was taken already and I call the rescue every day (head volunteer is a vet) and she says Lucky is doing GREAT! I always felt that these three dogs did not like each other and stressed each other out. And the cat who pooped outside of her litter box is part Siamese. She is going to a rescue for Siamese cats only and the lady who runs it says Siamese are very finicky and do strange things, but they are so pretty that everyone wants them, then they end up in the pound. She doesn't euthanize and if the cat can't find a home, she keeps the cat in her large home. We are going to give Magic to her tomorrow. It will be sad, but good for Magic...I know I'm babbling. This is definitely a transition time in my life. I am making sure we have a manageable amount of pets (two small dogs) and at the same time being sure my babies are going to great places who will love and care for them.

    I think the hard part about l losing this job are the lies, but I can't control what the head of the program believes and whoever said I wouldn't want to be in a bus with that lady again is right. I wouldn't want that at all. I never want to see her again. I'm going to call a therapist now.
  11. SuZir

    SuZir Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry you lost your job. Do remember your worth is not about a job, or wealth or even being a mom or anything other external. You are worthy, because you are. That is enough.

    I understand why you feel overwhelmed by idea of job hunting. I'm not sure about your town, but around here those kind of jobs that hire people without specific education or work experience tend to favour young and definitely quick, often even pretty (can't remember when I saw an over thirty or unattractive Subway 'sandwich artist' or whatever they call their workers.) However i have one idea, don't know if it would work at all there you live, but in my neighbourhood there is one lady, who was a stay-at-home mom for a long time and doesn't have relevant education for current jobs. Now that her kids are grown and because she wouldn't get any unemployment benefits because of her husbands above average income, she has this small 'business' there she offers help with all kinds of small and everyday things for people in neighbourhood. You can hire her to take your dogs out middle of the day, if you have a longer workday, or to do your grocery shopping (while many stores do deliver I know many who are not happy for one or other reason with that and like it, when 'a real person' goes instead and knows to pick fruits etc. like they like them and not just randomly), to do small garden things or some cleaning, or to pick your kid and take them to somewhere else or babysit a sick child, when you just can't skip work because a kid is having a cold. it is flexible and she gets some income out of it. Not a full time work and not a full time income, but some. And at least many here like it, that it is a lady from neighbourhood, someone you can trust and not some random employee from some company. When kids were younger and we were at times incredibly busy, I did hire her at times for something when in-laws were not able to help. Could something like that work for you?
  12. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    That feeling of helplessness is the worst! After all, if you had DONE something and gotten fired, you would be able to say to yourself "Well, I guess I made a mistake..."

    But losing a job regardless of your actions is very, very hard on the psyche - it makes you question everything. Was it me? Did I come across the wrong way? Did I offend someone? Was there something I could have done?

    Try and take it easy on yourself and realize that sometimes, there is nothing you could have done and it is what it is...

  13. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry...sending many hugs.
  14. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    I think speaking with the boss is a good way to stand up for yourself and feel strong. Sending lots of hugs. Prayers that something else good comes of this.
  15. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    You might be wise to just select one activity or possibly two for starters. I know that many people just want to avoid empty hours when they are traumatized....just so they don't have time to think. I think it is better to just ease into a new activity and see how it "feels" before deciding whether to spend your time that way. Hugs. DDD
  16. Rabbit

    Rabbit Member

    Sending you HUGE hugs ,caring thoughts , and praying for u. Rabbit

  17. Olligator

    Olligator New Member

    I am so sorry. Hugs to you.
  18. cubsgirl

    cubsgirl Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry that you got fired. ((hugs))
  19. Jody

    Jody Active Member

    Midwest Mom,
    I am sorry to hear about your job. That just sucks. There is something better for you out there. I got fired from a job. I was blindsided and it was devastating. I had a lot of friends there and it was hard. Within a month I found even a better job that I loved 100xs more and guess what, those friends that I missed some of them came to work where I was and are still there because I had the position that I did, then I left for my current job and have been there 7 years, and while it has its moments with my health issues it allows me to take the time off that I need most of the time. We may not be near you in location but we are in spirit. No we care and hang in there and one day at a time. Many hugs.
  20. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry. That is really harsh and difficult. I hope that you will be well. Go ahead and have a good cry, you deserve it. But not for too long!