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Got my first bloody lip from my kid
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 481647" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Dear Weary, </p><p></p><p>Hi and welcome, </p><p></p><p>First of all your situation in the house, and husband the poor dog and your son is a struggle that will last - a life time. The behaviors CAN get better over time with help and intervention, but acceptance is something that we found hardest of all in the beginning. We were sure if we just found the right 'miracle' drug, doctor, pill, therapy, therapist, placement, book, - we would uncover the solution and key to the entire problem. Or a collective soul of therapies if you will. Some 13 placements, 65 medications, foster care, jail time, 15 years of therapy and completely worn out knees (DF says this is why he's having total knee replacement now lol) was still not quite an answer for us. Believe me - we read so many books we started a lending library for our state. We were members of several organizations, and active in many of them - helping other parents - tried to get our son involved in anything we could think of - it was futile - he was abusive,and we had to get a therapist to work with us one on one to design a plan to save our sanity -and ultimately our sons life. </p><p></p><p>We opted for placing him (and I say opted but technically our sons behavior and his choices put himself there) for a locked psychiatric facility after group homes would not work. He was still violent - lashing out - and they worked on anger management. The stress levels in our home went down, the dogs (and we have enormous pit bulls) started to actually WALK around not skulk -eventhe one that was pestered relentlessly that bit our son twice - was so afraid of him. Therapist said allow it to happen - he'll learn - nope - bit him again. It was unfathomable to us the extent this child would go and still NEVER learn a lesson. It was like his brain was siilicon and nothing stuck. NOTHING. </p><p></p><p>Today he's 21, and despite us literally dragging him to therapy? EIther go to therapy or GO to the ER -----his choice. And we kept our promises - We would tell ER staff he was a danger to himself or others and he'd be locked up. So he usually went to therapy - EVEN if he didn't listen or participate - the therapist said to get him there somehow to establish a pattern of GOING. We thought it was hokey - but eventually our son did start going. Either that or he hated to see us pull into the ER......not sure. We meant what we said. ER psychiatric hospital here ships you to the state for the littlest thing. State isn't comfy. Even at 10 and 11 years old. </p><p></p><p>If they do find a medication that helps his mood - it's not going to be a life - saver - so DO NOT allow him to think "Ah I take a pill, and I'm all better." HUGE mistake. My son is 21 and STILL thinks a pill should just FIX his Bipolar psuedo mood swings. He's up he's down - he's happy then he's Captian jackass. He needs tobe chemically altered, but we were told you can't really diagnosis a BiPolar (BP) person until they are in their 20's - well he's 21 now o maybe if he'll go? He can get help. </p><p></p><p>As for your son? THere should be a talk about the hitting and an ABSOLUTE consequence for hitting. PERIOD - NO excuses NO second chances - no MOMMY PLEASES -----If he hits you again? Rages like that again? You need to have a plan. Whatever it is? My advice would be to throw him into your car - take him to the ER and have him admitted for evaluation. BEFORE he gets to the tender age of 15 when he CAN be arrested for assault on someone. Get it (anger) under control as best you can NOW while he's young. And whatever it takes to GET HIM in teh car to the therapist? DO IT - He's not the boss of your house -YOU ARE. Period. End of conversation. Explain - THIS will happen or THIS WILL occur. Then follow through and you and husband be a UNITED front - and both agree - THIS is what WE WILL DO - if our son does NOT do what he's asked. </p><p></p><p>This is why therapy will help you all out a lot. Promise - just stick with it - it takes a LONG time to establish trust - so don't expect miracles - HOPE for them....of course and pray always constantly ----mostly for patience and strength.....and a closed mouth to not engage an 11 year old......trust me. </p><p></p><p>Hugs for your day - OH and a Date night - IS A MUST - get someone to babysit for youi at LEAST every other week and GO OUT and date.......get out of the madness - </p><p></p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 481647, member: 4964"] Dear Weary, Hi and welcome, First of all your situation in the house, and husband the poor dog and your son is a struggle that will last - a life time. The behaviors CAN get better over time with help and intervention, but acceptance is something that we found hardest of all in the beginning. We were sure if we just found the right 'miracle' drug, doctor, pill, therapy, therapist, placement, book, - we would uncover the solution and key to the entire problem. Or a collective soul of therapies if you will. Some 13 placements, 65 medications, foster care, jail time, 15 years of therapy and completely worn out knees (DF says this is why he's having total knee replacement now lol) was still not quite an answer for us. Believe me - we read so many books we started a lending library for our state. We were members of several organizations, and active in many of them - helping other parents - tried to get our son involved in anything we could think of - it was futile - he was abusive,and we had to get a therapist to work with us one on one to design a plan to save our sanity -and ultimately our sons life. We opted for placing him (and I say opted but technically our sons behavior and his choices put himself there) for a locked psychiatric facility after group homes would not work. He was still violent - lashing out - and they worked on anger management. The stress levels in our home went down, the dogs (and we have enormous pit bulls) started to actually WALK around not skulk -eventhe one that was pestered relentlessly that bit our son twice - was so afraid of him. Therapist said allow it to happen - he'll learn - nope - bit him again. It was unfathomable to us the extent this child would go and still NEVER learn a lesson. It was like his brain was siilicon and nothing stuck. NOTHING. Today he's 21, and despite us literally dragging him to therapy? EIther go to therapy or GO to the ER -----his choice. And we kept our promises - We would tell ER staff he was a danger to himself or others and he'd be locked up. So he usually went to therapy - EVEN if he didn't listen or participate - the therapist said to get him there somehow to establish a pattern of GOING. We thought it was hokey - but eventually our son did start going. Either that or he hated to see us pull into the ER......not sure. We meant what we said. ER psychiatric hospital here ships you to the state for the littlest thing. State isn't comfy. Even at 10 and 11 years old. If they do find a medication that helps his mood - it's not going to be a life - saver - so DO NOT allow him to think "Ah I take a pill, and I'm all better." HUGE mistake. My son is 21 and STILL thinks a pill should just FIX his Bipolar psuedo mood swings. He's up he's down - he's happy then he's Captian jackass. He needs tobe chemically altered, but we were told you can't really diagnosis a BiPolar (BP) person until they are in their 20's - well he's 21 now o maybe if he'll go? He can get help. As for your son? THere should be a talk about the hitting and an ABSOLUTE consequence for hitting. PERIOD - NO excuses NO second chances - no MOMMY PLEASES -----If he hits you again? Rages like that again? You need to have a plan. Whatever it is? My advice would be to throw him into your car - take him to the ER and have him admitted for evaluation. BEFORE he gets to the tender age of 15 when he CAN be arrested for assault on someone. Get it (anger) under control as best you can NOW while he's young. And whatever it takes to GET HIM in teh car to the therapist? DO IT - He's not the boss of your house -YOU ARE. Period. End of conversation. Explain - THIS will happen or THIS WILL occur. Then follow through and you and husband be a UNITED front - and both agree - THIS is what WE WILL DO - if our son does NOT do what he's asked. This is why therapy will help you all out a lot. Promise - just stick with it - it takes a LONG time to establish trust - so don't expect miracles - HOPE for them....of course and pray always constantly ----mostly for patience and strength.....and a closed mouth to not engage an 11 year old......trust me. Hugs for your day - OH and a Date night - IS A MUST - get someone to babysit for youi at LEAST every other week and GO OUT and date.......get out of the madness - Star [/QUOTE]
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