Got "Sweetie'd" in the grocery store again!

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by donna723, Oct 18, 2009.

  1. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    This is my second or third rant on this same subject but it just happened again! OK, maybe it's just me but I do NOT appreciate being called "Sweetie" by some new little teenage grocery checker who is young enough to be my grandchild! I give her a few points for trying to be pleasant but this kid isn't a day over 17 and I am 63! To me, it sounds very disrespectul and over-familiar! Kids that age may call each other things like that, but if they wouldn't say it to one of their teachers, they better not say it to me either!

    First she said, "Are you managing to stay warm today, Sweetie?", and a little chill went through me - I just gave her an evil look that apparently went right over her head but I said nothing. Then as I was gathering up my bags she says, "Do you need some help with that, Honey?"! Now a few years ago I would have gritted my teeth and said nothing but I don't do that anymore. I just stopped dead in my tracks and after a thoughtful pause I said, "I really prefer not to be called "Honey" or "Sweetie"! I'm old enough to be your grandmother and when you call me that, it comes off as very disrespectful and condescending!" She went blank for a minute, then giggled and said, "It's just a habit". And as soon as I left, she probably ran over to the head cashier asking, "What did I do?"

    And if she really knew me well enough to use those familiarities, she would have known that I'm not all that "sweet"! Quite honestly, I think I would prefer, "Have a nice day, b*tch!" over "Honey" or "Sweetie" coming from a 17 year old! Some days that's a lot closer to the truth!
  2. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    Thankfully I've not had it happen to me. Ma'am bothers me enough. But at least that's respectful. When did I become a ma'am anyway? lol I wonder what that magical line is?

    mother in law is getting more than her fair share of this treatment in the nursing home. I've stopped many an aide...and a few nurses.....and called them out on it. You're right, it's disrespectful. Terms like Honey and Sweetie imply a level of intimacy that isn't there. It's degrading to older people.

    The kid was most likely attempting to be nice and personable. I've seen it far too often.

    In school they're attempting to drum it into the students heads not to use such terms with patients. Instead to use Mr. or Mrs. unless the patient doesn't have an issue with them using their first names.

    Cinicals start this week. Guess we'll soon see how well that stuck. lol

  3. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I never liked that either- from anyone at any age- with few exceptions, like if I know the person and they are a friend. But being in TN, I'm sure you know this is a habit for many people there and my guess is that she grew up hearing people in her family say that all that time and it truly is a habit. I'm like you though- I have become much more vocal and less sweet as I have gotten older!!!
  4. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    I HATE to hear anyone use those terms to old people too! So condescending! Where do people get off talking to them disrespectfully, overly-familiarly or like they were children!

    If someone had dared to speak to my grandmother that way, even when she was 98, she would have cussed them out till their ears were charred! She wasn't 'sweet' either - it runs in the family! ;)
  5. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I swear- we have to be related somewhere along the line! I remember us posting along theses lines before- maybe we have a grandmother connection- mine was about that age when she passed about 5 yrs ago and she was JUST like that, too! (Yes, that's where I get it!)
  6. Estherfromjerusalem

    Estherfromjerusalem Well-Known Member

    Donna, I couldn't agree with you more. I also can't stand being called "girls" when I'm in the company of other women. I too find it condescending, and it makes my hackles rise.

    Love, Esther
  7. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    I grew up using Ma'am as a term of respect. I don't mind that one so much, but I absolutely DETEST "sweetie." I have encountered this only once, at a local store, and every single time I go in there the manager uses that. She's probably ten years my junior and it annoys the living bejeebers out of me. I am so with you on this Donna!
  8. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Aw, Sweetie that had me chuckling!!!!
    Seriously I had this mental image of you slinging grocery bags at some poor naive checker and taking her out! Stomping on her and yelling, "DON'T CALL ME SWEETIE!"

    I call everyone M'am. Even youngsters.... I do it to the kids just to mess with them. I do the M'am as a sign of respect, kind of like Sir. Or, Miss. if I were saying."Excuse me, Miss or M'am."

    hmmm, Sweety and Honey!!! not my favorite either. My mother in law will do that to me while rubbing my shoulder... chills down my neck. And not in a good way.

    But if it is a good friend, fine, no problem. :)
    But I also think of myself more along the lines of a sort of "sweet-ish-b*#ch"! LOL
  9. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I must be very used to these things. I dont mind it so much. Down here its Hun or Darlin' for the most part. Sometimes Honey. Once in a blue moon even baby, though that is rare and for someone you know well.

    The nurses when I was in the hospital either were very formal or they were the type to call me Miss Janet or Darlin'. I really liked the less formal ones. I was already scared enough and felt lonely enough that having a person who connected to me in that way was nice.

    It doesnt bother me at all to have my checker at the store say hey darlin because Im in there enough for them to know me by sight. They probably dont know my actual name but they know me.
  10. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    klmno, maybe we're cousins somewhere down the line. My grandmother died many years ago but she was a feisty one, a real character! This is the one who lied about her age on her tombstone ... as her way of of getting the last word in with a 50-year long running joke with my grandfather! She was seven months older than he was. She was born in June of 1885 and he was born in January, 1886. Even when they were newlyweds he would tease her by calling her an 'old lady'. She would retalliate by always giving her date of birth, even on official documents, as June, 1886, making herself five months younger than he was! When he died she bought a double tombstone and had his info engraved on one side of it. And then she had her own name and date of birth engraved on the other side ... June, 1886! To this day, family members visiting the cemetery get the giggles over this.

    I don't so much mind "m'am" as it is a gesture of respect. I did mind it when they first started calling me that though - made me feel old before I really was. And I know there are a lot of older people here who call everyone Honey or Sweetie. I don't like it from them either but it's not quite as bad - with them it is habit. But even here, it has never EVER been acceptable for a teenager to call a 60+ year old person "Sweetie"! To me, calling someone names like that suggests that they are putting the person they are talking to on a lower level than themselves, and putting themselves on a superior level - that's the way a mother talks to a small child. OK if it's a kid, NOT OK if it's me! I call my dogs "Sweetie"!

    And maybe it's just me, but this whole generation of young women coming up seems downright weird to me! Maybe not all of them but a lot of them! They take pictures of themselves cheek to cheek making fish-lips at each other! We have a few at work who think they have to hug everybody and they greet each other like long-lost relatives when they just saw each other an hour ago! We have two (both in their 30's) who hug and air-kiss every time they see each other, then screech "I love you!" at each other as they go their separate ways! Not like they're 'like that', like they were a couple of middle-school kids! Makes me wanna gag!
    Last edited: Oct 18, 2009
  11. muttmeister

    muttmeister Well-Known Member

    I don't like the honey, sweetie, darlin' thing either. I suppose some of it may be regional but most people around here do not talk like that and when they do, it irritates me. Ma'am I'm not too crazy about because it makes me feel old but at least it seems respectful.
    My mother is 95 and for about the last 10 years I've noticed people pulling this stuff with here and it irritates me to death. There are times they say things like, "Isn't she the cutest thing?" to me as if she's not even there. I'm surprised she doesn't give them a swift kick. IF I live that long, I'm sure I won't suffer in silence.
    When somebody calls me one of those silly names I try to ignore it because at least they're not swearing at me and that seems to be the way the world is going so I guess I grin and bear it but that doesn't mean I have to like it.
  12. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    If you are in a store and are being waited on by a clerk and he goes up to you as you are looking at the display of digital camera's, what would you want him to address you as?

    I think it is appropriate for a clerk to say to any female...Hello Ma'am, how can I help you today? I see you are looking at those digital cameras. Can I help you with one?

    He wouldnt know her name unless he knew her. He certainly wouldnt say...hey you!
  13. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    I would never call anyone sweetie over the age of about 3. And, I'll admit I do that. I'll see some cute little girl in a cart and say, "Hey sweetie! How are you?" But a grown

    Any term of endearment would only be for customers who have become friends. For me...haha...that is typically 90 year old men who I call hon and give them a hug.

    Donna, I don't think How's your day b*** would go far int he workplace. :tongue: And yes, are nice, whether you're 63 or not.

    I didn't grow up saying ma'am or sir so that's not an issue.

    There is another saying that will push some people's buttons. Try adding 'ie' to someone's name. Now, I just do it to annoy them, but it's kind of fun. The other day I couldn't get my manager's attention so I finally said, "Joey, could you give me some help?" I tell you what. He is about 30 and turned on a dime and said, "What are mother?" I just chuckled. I said he must have had a good mom. He further made the mistake of telling me his middle name. You know what that means. JOSEPH ANDREW...GET IN HERE!! If you're really in trouble you add the last name.

    Lasted edited by : Oct 18, 2009
  14. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    :rofl: :rofl:

    Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..........such a visual. ;)
  15. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I completely understand how you feel. There are a lot of sweeties and honeys. Here the people at the doctor's office and the hospital ALL call you by your first name or honey or sweetie.

    They want YOU to call THEM Mr or Mrs or Doctor.

    My reg doctor is Diane. She is OK with it as she uses my name. Her assistant chewed me out on my last visit INSISTING I call her Nurse Last Name (I cannot remember it and refuse to.). She called me SUGAR as she informed me it was disrespectful not to call her nurse as she worked hard in junior college to become a clinical assistant.

    First I informed her that her title was NOT nurse. It was clinical assistant. I told her my name was MRS. D and she was NOT permitted to use my first name. Ever. She actually SLAMMED the door on the exam room to prove her maturity I guess.

    When the doctor came in she apologized that the "wind" caught the door. I asked her if that happened every time her helper got upset. She looked confused. I explained the disagreement and she called the girl in (girl is not yet 20, by the way). Girl tried to talk around the problem and focus on my disrespect. Once the facts were established she was asked to leave, we took care of my appointment, and we went on with business. My next visit was much more appropriate.

    In the hospital I got the same rigamarole from some of the younger nurses and from the older nurse who refused to use the gown and gloves (remember I was in for cellulitis caused by 2 bacteria including the flesh eating one!). She didn't last a full shift with me because I refused to let her touch me. I didn't know what she carried in from other patients cause if she didn't use gloves with me she didn't use them with anyone.
  16. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    This reminds me of an old sitcom--do you remember a show called "Wings" ??

    In one episode, the women were discussing how upset they were when someone disrespected them by addressing them as 'honey' or 'sweetie' or some other name. In the midst of this conversation, a very hunky delivery man arrived. All the women smiled at him until he asked "Can you please sign for this, Ma'am?"

    At that point, they became upset and demanded of him "Do we look like a "ma'am" to you? How old do you think we are?? You are to call us honey, or missy or sweetie! Now, we are going to turn around and walk away and you'd better watch our butts as we go!!!"

    I'm sorry that you were offended by the cashier.

    As for me? I guess I would prefer "sweetie" to a total stranger assuming they have permission to use my first name. I hate that!

  17. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Of course I was in the grocery store yesterday and the very YOUNG checker said to the somewhat older woman in front of me in that very "syrupy" voice that only young girls can do, "Well hello SWEETIE, did you find everything you needed today?"
    I just about peed my pants!!!
    I of course received no sweetie, :( but I darn sure said, "Well thank you M'AM!" (Little bit sarcastic)
    I am sure she didn't get it, but I did and chuckled for a while....
  18. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    Good one, Toto! :D
  19. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    You know....I got called darlin this weekend by a rather cute author.

    Who is Irish.

    I can honestly say that I didn't mind a bit! :winks:
  20. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    Well, Hon, you do live in the south. And, Sugar, you may not like being "Sweetie'd", but it was just today that I was reminiscing about what is what like to walk into a crowded room and have every man there stand up and offer up his seat for little ole me. Now let me tell you, Sweetie, those things just don't happen up here in the North.


    I lived in the South long enough to use "Hon" as a term of endearment to friends or children (mine or not), and it's not uncommon if a female - regardless of age - calls out, "Heather" or "Mom" for me to respond with, "Yes, Ma'am?" I can still work up a Southern Drawl when needed. :tongue:

    Funny, though. "Sir" never stuck.