Graduation is right around the corner...

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by PatriotsGirl, Sep 25, 2015.

  1. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    I can't believe it. She is almost done! I talked to her last night and she is now officially on EVERY weekend pass!!! Not that she can come home every weekend - she would have to take time off of work for that, but she has made it to that point.

    They are talking to her about joining staff at a later point, but from what she heard from someone else that has recently joined staff, they don't pay enough for her to do that. She would make more at her job at McDonald's - which seems weird to me, so I am not sure if there is some miscommunication to me.

    You can tell she is getting anxious over what is next. husband and I have also been discussing it. Her monthly amount that she is paying doesn't change once she finishes the program. It is still 600 per month and of course the 140 per month for daycare (plus they take 10% of her gross paycheck for her tithe to the church). We are not seeing how she is going to be able to save up for a car or how she would ever get ahead enough to leave there. There is no room in the graduate houses right now because no one is leaving (because they are not able to afford to). That means she would have to stay in the dorm she is in and if she does, she does not get the privileges that graduates get. It would be exactly like still being in the program, which kind of stinks after almost a year now. The only people who leave either go back home to their parents, or to a husband if they have one. I have to admit I have seriously thought about her coming back home to get on her feet but I do NOT want to jeopardize her sobriety. I have prayed about it and have said if it is meant to be, then it will be placed on husband's mind and heart that she come back home. If it isn't, then she is meant to stay there. I can tell he is seriously mulling it over but I will not force a decision. I don't even know if it is something she would want. Again, just thoughts going through my head...we have almost two more months before she completes. But amazing that we would even consider living with her again but that is just testimony to how much she has grown and how changed she is!

    She will be home for Thanksgiving week. She graduates November 22nd and they get a week off for graduation. I will be able to pick them up on Sunday and they will be here for a full week. I guess that will be a I was planning on picking up Connor for Halloween to take him trick or treating but she has expressed that she really doesn't want Connor to participate in that. As his mother I need to respect her wishes and instead will let him stay at the ministry with her that weekend. He won't know he is missing a thing and husband and I will go out instead. :)

    I am going to pick them up this afternoon for the weekend. She and I are going to go see the movie War Room tomorrow morning and we will go to church Sunday morning but other than that, it will be a chilly rainy weekend so lots of cuddling and watching children's movies.

    So still - all good news. Don't ever give up hope - it CAN happen!!!! As long as there is life, there IS hope!!
  2. stressedmama

    stressedmama Active Member

    PG, I am so happy for all of you. Who knows? Maybe over the next 2 months an opening will come up in the graduate house. Regardless, I'm sure things will go exactly as they should.

    I'm glad things are going well. Things are ok for us. school district hit 1 year clean on the 16th. Other than that, nothing has changed. GS turned 4 a couple weeks ago. We still have him full time and school district sees him maybe once/month for a an hour or 2-never without us around.

    She was supposed to start school in June but got mono and couldn't. Been out of work since April and still not in school. Living with her boyfriend and his parents. Stagnant.

    Best of luck to all of you and congratulations on the success!
  3. stressedmama

    stressedmama Active Member

    OK Weird. I typed "school district" and it auto-corrected to school district!!.
  4. stressedmama

    stressedmama Active Member

    OK Forget it...I meant step-daughter but it won't let me abbreviate LOL
  5. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    LOL I knew what you meant. :)

    I am sorry she is still so distant with him but that means he is much better off with you. If she puts no effort into spending time with him, she most likely wouldn't be putting in any effort in parenting him. :(

    Connor is M's whole world and she is such a good mommy - I am very blessed and very thankful!! My house stays clean all the time now, but man, I would trade that in a heartbeat to get to see his smiling little face every day again. My heart aches when he is not here and I count the days until I get to be with him again. So I know thinking about them coming home is probably my selfish thinking. That is why I am not pushing a thing and just seeing what the future unfolds as. I know I would be happy with them here but I am also okay with them remaining there. I know I can come get him any weekend I want him. :)
  6. lovemyson1

    lovemyson1 Active Member

    I'm so happy for you PG! What a true transformation and God's blessing! I love it!
  7. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member


    I am so proud of your daughter! What an amazing person she is!

    Do you know that song "Find Your Wings" by Mark Harris?

    That seems appropriate right now.

    You are so blessed!
  8. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    I just listened to the song - I am bawling!!!! It is BEYOND perfect and I am going to have her listen to it when I pick her up (hopefully I can still drive through the tears as it is playing!!)...thank you!!!! <3
  9. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    Wow! Congratulations. I think if you and she put your heads together you could come up with a supportive solution. Maybe not in your home.
  10. I remember when we talked about their successrate. It makes sense that it is high when they are kept in sober-living environment where it is hard to leave.

    That is where the problem is in your home and any other home she might move to. There are more stress and temptation. I have recently read a lot of articles how alarming high the relapse rate is once people leave their rehab and it seems that there is no difference regarding the treatment approach is.

    I will pray that you find a solution. Could you ask around if there is another sober living environment they have some connection to?
  11. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I feel an affinity with you because our daughters both chose meth and both chose to quit and now are both mothers...GREAT mothers. I'm so happy for all of you. Today I'm driving to see my daughter and granddaughter and other daughter and her boyfriend are coming with (poor husband has to dog sit. Not kidding!!!). LOL.

    Everybody...there is hope. We have daughters who have proven it. Meth is not easy to quit.

    Never give up, even in your darkest hour. Things could always change for the good.
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  12. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member

    How are things going with your daughter, Patriots Girl?

    How was your weekend visit?
  13. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    She is awesome!!! This weekend is another weekend pass so I will be going to get them tomorrow. Saturday is her 22nd birthday so we will be going to our favorite steak house in the mountains. Should be a pretty drive with the leaves changing colors and she has never been out there. :D

    Last visit we went to see War Room and oh my goodness it is such an incredible movie - we had an amazing time together! Our relationship is just SO different now. I know our children are not supposed to be our best friends but that is how close we feel now. I posted pictures on Facebook and she just glows. (If anyone wants to connect on Facebook - let me know - would love to add you!!)

    I have to admit, I am still seriously wanting to give her the option of them coming home after graduation to get on her feet so she can work full time and take college classes at night. Connor can go back to the daycare he was going to (which I loved!!) I am home by myself 90% of the time and I am quite lonely. My husband is fantastic - he really is - but he is a workaholic and now he is considering driving for Uber on the weekends so we can buy a deeded lot for our camper. Which means I will be alone more than 90% of the time. :( I could use the company and the help (she helps out around the house a ton when she is here. No one else does that for me.) I just want to make sure it is the right thing for her, too. I know she wants to come home - we just need to make sure she can stay away from the bad influences (which most are out of town now or in rehab) and keep doing the right things. husband and I have discussed it some and I think he is thinking it makes sense, too. I really think if I ask him, he will say yes...I bet he is wondering to himself why I haven't come out and asked yet! LOL

    Thanks for asking!! <3
  14. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    I had her listen to this song and I cried again when it played (of course) - she LOVED it!! :)
  15. SuZir

    SuZir Well-Known Member

    Congrats! It really sounds like things are going awesome!

    But you are right, sooner or later she needs exit plan from the program. She can't live there forever nor raise Connor in place like that when he grows older. It doesn't need to be when she graduates, it may be better if she stays some extra, but when she graduates, she has to have some kind of realistic prospect of moving forward with her and her son's life in some foreseeable future. That future can be year from now or even longer but it has to be before Connor reaches school age. Rehab and dorm life is not a place for school age child. There is no reason the plan would need to include living with you, but it has to be realistic.

    I think you and your husband have to have really frank discussion about this and then have it with your daughter.
  16. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    I agree. I know the plan does not have to include living with us but I would really love if it did. :) Never thought I would say that! LOL But it really would give her the best shot of getting where she wants to be in life. She wants to go back to school and she would not be able to do that there.

    Both husband and son agree that Connor can't live there forever. husband says he is extremely grateful for everything that they have done for our daughter but can't help comparing it to a cult atmosphere.

    We do need to discuss again and then discuss with her - that conversation is coming. This week I have been really sick with tonsillitis and haven't felt like doing much of anything - much less talking...
  17. SuZir

    SuZir Well-Known Member

    I have to say, based on what you have told us, that I agree with your husband. And don't be too shocked if, after she is permanently out from the facility, your daughter tells you some things you would never had believed. What you have told us about the place it seems they are rather keen on keeping up appearance and want to give very carefully considered, clean and wholesome image out. I'm not referring to any secret satanist rituals down in the basement ;) but it simply is very unlikely that things would be that smooth considering the business they are in.
  18. lovemyson1

    lovemyson1 Active Member

    I'm so happy for your daughters continued success! Isn't a huge relief when our difficult children get well? It's such a peace! I hope she continues on this path and her life just gets better and better! Really thrilled for you all!!
  19. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    husband and I have talked and talked with M and they are coming home after graduation. Now that she has treatment under her belt and is focused on building a life for herself and Connor, we are going to help her do that. She will work full time days and go to school at night (after she saves up for a car - I will never buy another car so that is her first goal. Luckily I work from home and will play taxi until she gets there.). We will help with Connor. There are a few reasons that we do not want Connor to stay at the ministry once she has completed. Not that it is a bad place - it is not and if it was just M, she would stay there.

    We sat down and filled out her exit plan with all of the rules and will have her exit interview at the ministry on November 6th. They will come home on November 22nd so I will have all of my family together for the holidays. :)

    If relapse happens, which as much faith as I have in her I would be a fool if I said it couldn't happen, she will go straight back to the ministry and she has completely agreed with that.

    Meanwhile she has been applying everywhere and has already got a call back from Kroger! It will be fantastic if she has a job waiting for her when she comes home.

    So I know it is a risk but we are willing to take that risk. We view it as an investment in her and our grandson's future. When I had her and our son I went to school while working full time. It was NOT easy and thank God I had my husband to raise the children but it was worth it in the end. We are willing and able to do the same for her.

    Wish us luck! :)
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  20. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    Sending tons of luck and lots of faith!