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General Parenting
Grandson and divorce/parenting issues
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<blockquote data-quote="Jewlz0113" data-source="post: 544592" data-attributes="member: 12298"><p>Hello... I don't post often - but read ALL the time (I feel like I know a lot of you) <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> - and thought I'd add my two cents worth on this one.</p><p></p><p>First all, I love the analogy DDD suggested! If I'd know that four years ago, I would have definitely used it! I take on the same attitude: What happens at Daddy's, happens at Daddy's and what happens at Mommy's happens at Mommy's. It's ok for it to be different. I explained it as rules being different at home vs. at school. Rules must be respected and obeyed regardless of who sets them or where we are. My X and I, though, rarely expect the other parent to enforce the other's punishment. It was too difficult. How can you enforce a punishment if you weren't there to witness the crime? The exception is if the infraction is HUGE. In that case my X and I discuss it when it happens and agree upon a punishment and it's enforcement. That has happened a couple of times and it's worked out alright. (But then again, my X and I can communicate that way.) For your DS, I would stick with the Mommy's house, Mommy's rules; Daddy's house, Daddy's rules.</p><p></p><p>It's only been 4 weeks. Over time Grandson will get used to it. For right now, it's incredibly confusing (especially at 4!) and the biggest thing he needs is consistency. If he can't get it between the two houses, DS can make sure he at least gets it when he's with him. It'll be tough at first - lots of testing, lots of "But Mommy lets me!". But if he can hang strong and just quitely but firmly stick to his guns ("But at Daddy's we do this"), he may have a chance.</p><p></p><p>I don't envy his position. Been there, done that, still doing it. It's not easy in the best of situations. When you're dealing with a difficult X, well, that just makes it downright miserable.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Jewlz0113, post: 544592, member: 12298"] Hello... I don't post often - but read ALL the time (I feel like I know a lot of you) :) - and thought I'd add my two cents worth on this one. First all, I love the analogy DDD suggested! If I'd know that four years ago, I would have definitely used it! I take on the same attitude: What happens at Daddy's, happens at Daddy's and what happens at Mommy's happens at Mommy's. It's ok for it to be different. I explained it as rules being different at home vs. at school. Rules must be respected and obeyed regardless of who sets them or where we are. My X and I, though, rarely expect the other parent to enforce the other's punishment. It was too difficult. How can you enforce a punishment if you weren't there to witness the crime? The exception is if the infraction is HUGE. In that case my X and I discuss it when it happens and agree upon a punishment and it's enforcement. That has happened a couple of times and it's worked out alright. (But then again, my X and I can communicate that way.) For your DS, I would stick with the Mommy's house, Mommy's rules; Daddy's house, Daddy's rules. It's only been 4 weeks. Over time Grandson will get used to it. For right now, it's incredibly confusing (especially at 4!) and the biggest thing he needs is consistency. If he can't get it between the two houses, DS can make sure he at least gets it when he's with him. It'll be tough at first - lots of testing, lots of "But Mommy lets me!". But if he can hang strong and just quitely but firmly stick to his guns ("But at Daddy's we do this"), he may have a chance. I don't envy his position. Been there, done that, still doing it. It's not easy in the best of situations. When you're dealing with a difficult X, well, that just makes it downright miserable. [/QUOTE]
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