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<blockquote data-quote="Nomore" data-source="post: 762857" data-attributes="member: 30148"><p>Heartbreaking isn't it to watch our kids self destruct? Hang in there! Keep the focus on you! Not your son, other kids, husband, friends etc. Trust that you are the key to achieving your own peace and healing. Continue educating yourself on co dependency and boundary setting. Get into therapy. I caution alanon, naranon and other twelve step programs. My personal experience was that the literature and forums were educational and helpful at first but that many chapters were cultlike, demanding I stop seeing my therapist to remain under the guidance of some sponsors and some used brainwashing techniques like repeating mantras and disallowing dissenting opinions about the 12 step efficacy. This was a huge red flag for me. My therapist, research and focus on myself has by far been the most helpful in leading me to understanding my contribution to the crazy co dependency dance. My therapisy had guided me to shift focus off of my addicted and mentally ill son back on to what really should matter most in everyone's life - themselves. I see in many of the self help forums mothers struggling to let go of their children. We are co dependents by our empathic and emotional thinking nature. We must understand our own compulsions to control and reduce our own anxiety by intervening in our kids lives. We must turn from emotional thinking to logic and reason. Accept the truth that faces us with courage. Avoid seeking comfort in well meaning do gooders that keep us stuck in self pity. Revel in the advice of those who make us face our truth. Like a bird, kids must learn to fly and take flight on their own. No more approving of family members to take them in or enabling them. That just delays our children's growth. Best you nip that in the bud in my humble opinion or be prepared for years of the "rinse and repeat" cycle. Educate your family. Help them to be better leaders themselves. I wish you strength, conviction and peace.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nomore, post: 762857, member: 30148"] Heartbreaking isn't it to watch our kids self destruct? Hang in there! Keep the focus on you! Not your son, other kids, husband, friends etc. Trust that you are the key to achieving your own peace and healing. Continue educating yourself on co dependency and boundary setting. Get into therapy. I caution alanon, naranon and other twelve step programs. My personal experience was that the literature and forums were educational and helpful at first but that many chapters were cultlike, demanding I stop seeing my therapist to remain under the guidance of some sponsors and some used brainwashing techniques like repeating mantras and disallowing dissenting opinions about the 12 step efficacy. This was a huge red flag for me. My therapist, research and focus on myself has by far been the most helpful in leading me to understanding my contribution to the crazy co dependency dance. My therapisy had guided me to shift focus off of my addicted and mentally ill son back on to what really should matter most in everyone's life - themselves. I see in many of the self help forums mothers struggling to let go of their children. We are co dependents by our empathic and emotional thinking nature. We must understand our own compulsions to control and reduce our own anxiety by intervening in our kids lives. We must turn from emotional thinking to logic and reason. Accept the truth that faces us with courage. Avoid seeking comfort in well meaning do gooders that keep us stuck in self pity. Revel in the advice of those who make us face our truth. Like a bird, kids must learn to fly and take flight on their own. No more approving of family members to take them in or enabling them. That just delays our children's growth. Best you nip that in the bud in my humble opinion or be prepared for years of the "rinse and repeat" cycle. Educate your family. Help them to be better leaders themselves. I wish you strength, conviction and peace. [/QUOTE]
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