greetings from a stranger

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by LisaNicole, Jan 16, 2007.

  1. LisaNicole

    LisaNicole New Member

    Well, since I have posted in November 2006, things have been off.

    easy child is now 10 weeks and doing well. Gaining weight and smiling all the time.

    difficult child/daughter needs to go back to dr and have medications reevaluated. Her behavior has been off and really disrespectful.

    Now difficult child/DS is on another medication. When we saw psychiatrist in December, he freaked out, crying, rambling, the works. psychiatrist saw a very depressed little boy, not happy but miserable. I could not believe how he dissolved in front of the psychiatrist. The psychiatrist placed him on Zoloft and so far so good. He has not had a tearful meltdown since.

    Had a meeting with difficult child/DS teacher and she and I came up with some modifications for him in reagrds to his schoolwork. Now he is slacking off, even admitting that he wants me and husband to see how bad he is doing. He just puts downs any answer, even though the teacher and I know he can do the work.

    I am completely stumped! Can anyone let me know if this has happened to them?
     
  2. Fran

    Fran Former Site Owner

    Could it be too stressful for him?
    What does difficult child say when you ask why?
     
  3. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Lisa,
    Good to hear from you. Did he start just putting down whatever answer when the mods were made? Is he self concious about doing modified work?
     
  4. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    It's good to hear from you, Lisa. Sorry that the difficult children are still struggling. How are you holding up?
     
  5. Janna

    Janna New Member

    Hi Lisa!

    I've missed you. Glad you came to give us an update.

    Congrats on the baby!!!!!! I want photos!!! :smile:

    I'm sorry to hear about difficult child's struggles. No advice, but wanted to say hi and let you know I was thinking of you.

    Hugs, friend!

    Janna
     
  6. Lori4ever

    Lori4ever New Member

    Congratulations on baby! I hope things get better with difficult child.
     
  7. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    How nice to "see" you!

    Congrats on the new baby.

    I hate to throw the tired old cliches around but you have had some major changes in your lives with moving, husband's changes, the brand new baby and all that. It wouldnt shock me if the kids are still in the adjustment period...especially to having a new baby in their lives.

    Personally I would give things some time...I think mine have pretty well adjusted about now...lmao. Its only been 20something years. Im kidding...I think.

    Maybe try rewards with your son for the correct answers and ignore the wrong stuff so he doesnt get any feedback at all for his antics if he thinks he is getting something at all out of it. Maybe he is somehow getting some sort of attention for doing it wrong and his payoff is getting someone to get him to do it over the right way a second time. Extra attention. Maybe he somehow feels the loss of attention ie the baby stole his place of baby in the family. Kids are funny that way.

    Im just throwing out ideas. I have no idea if I am out in left field, on the money or even playing in the right ball field...lol.
     
  8. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    He's trying to tell you that something is wrong. You ALL know he can do the work, but there is something else wrong and he seems to be having trouble communicating this to you.

    I have a friend with a highly gifted 8 year old who suddenly did badly a year ago. This kid went from being the only kid under 10 to get into the finals of a state newspaper essay competition, to deliberately underachieving, bursting into tears at the thought of going to school and beginning to be rude and nasty to other kids when she's been a total angel up til now.
    The problem turned out to be a combination of bullying from a couple of other kids, aggravated by a relief teacher (relieving for five months) who actually added to the problem by encouraging the bullies and devaluing anything this child did. At one stage at least, this teacher was physically violent to the child (threw a stick of chalk at her, in class, that hit her in the face). It was also made clear to the child that she could not complain to her mother or there would be repercussions. Other parents apparently complained about this teacher; the principal later denied he had received any complaints. When this girl's mother complained the principal not only did nothing, but rehired this teacher for more relief work. The message to the victims - don't complain, it won't do any good (be afraid) and to the bullies - do what you want, we will let you get away with it.

    This is a easy child child, VERY easy child, and her mother has seen the child continue to do poorly even though she no longer had to deal with this teacher. The damage was done and the next teacher, while better, still did nothing to stop ongoing bullying. Not did he appropriately manage giftedness in the class.

    Your child sounds very similar in his behaviour to my young friend. The problem MAY be him having trouble coping with some aspect of his program (maybe it's worded in too complex a manner) and he's too ashamed to admit he's having some difficulty when he KNOWS he can do it; or there could be a totally different, non-difficult child issue he's having trouble with.

    Boys at this age begin to be really nasty, sometimes. They can form little gangs and discriminate and bully emotionally, if not physically. And the damage that bullying can cause, especially in a climate of "Don't dop, or you'll be labelled a whining little snitch" can mean that a kid will use ANY means to draw attention to the fact that he has a problem he can't talk about.

    Don't ask him if he's being bullied - he will have to answer, "No." But ask him about his day, talk to him over milk & cookies or a card game. Get him talking about his friends, about what happens at school during play times, etc. Just get him talking. Maybe talk about your own school days if you need to, to ask him for comparison.

    My bet is on bullying as at least a part of the problem. I do hope I'm wrong, though.

    And congrats on the baby - you've got an age gap between your youngest two a bit like mine. It makes it easier to enjoy the baby.

    Marg
     
  9. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    This might be a very simple thing. He might be a little threatened by the new baby boy and just looking for attention. It happens. A new baby can turn a hous upside down in all kinds of ways. I would just let difficult child know that he is loved and will always be special to you. Congratulations on the new baby. -RM
     
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