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General Parenting
grieving loss of future dreams...
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<blockquote data-quote="meowbunny" data-source="post: 153329" data-attributes="member: 3626"><p>It is okay to mourn that which we cannot have. I know I did. I had such dreams for my beautiful, wonderful, smart daughter. She didn't destroy those dreams all at once, just one at a time until they were all smashed. She taught me that my dreams were not hers and I had to accept her as she was, not as how I wanted her to be.</p><p> </p><p>In middle school, it was a small miracle if she didn't steal something from someone daily. Today, she'd rather cut off her right hand than take someone else's things. Not because it is wrong but because it would upset them. Lying was a second-by-second thing. Today, she doesn't lie. Again, not because it is wrong but because she can't keep the lies straight. She HATED school. At 18 she quit. I cried many nights about the fact she had thrown her future away. Today, she is a valued waitress at Applebee's. Her co-workers and regulars love her. She made employee of the month this month. She's sharing an apartment with a nice young man (they're friends, nothing more). </p><p> </p><p>So, my dreams of college are out the window. She is happy, content with her life and not behaving in criminal activity. That, for now, is more than enough. Sometimes we really do have to just change the dream, not totally give up.</p><p> </p><p>So, mourn the loss of your dreams but don't give up on having them. I remember hating mother's day because I felt I had failed so badly. I don't know if my daughter will get up in time to have breakfast with me but I do know I love her and she is cherished. No matter what, I'll find a way to celebrate that tomorrow -- with or without her. I hope you can find a way to enjoy being mother again. I do understand your pain. Sometimes, though, we get lucky and things to get better.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="meowbunny, post: 153329, member: 3626"] It is okay to mourn that which we cannot have. I know I did. I had such dreams for my beautiful, wonderful, smart daughter. She didn't destroy those dreams all at once, just one at a time until they were all smashed. She taught me that my dreams were not hers and I had to accept her as she was, not as how I wanted her to be. In middle school, it was a small miracle if she didn't steal something from someone daily. Today, she'd rather cut off her right hand than take someone else's things. Not because it is wrong but because it would upset them. Lying was a second-by-second thing. Today, she doesn't lie. Again, not because it is wrong but because she can't keep the lies straight. She HATED school. At 18 she quit. I cried many nights about the fact she had thrown her future away. Today, she is a valued waitress at Applebee's. Her co-workers and regulars love her. She made employee of the month this month. She's sharing an apartment with a nice young man (they're friends, nothing more). So, my dreams of college are out the window. She is happy, content with her life and not behaving in criminal activity. That, for now, is more than enough. Sometimes we really do have to just change the dream, not totally give up. So, mourn the loss of your dreams but don't give up on having them. I remember hating mother's day because I felt I had failed so badly. I don't know if my daughter will get up in time to have breakfast with me but I do know I love her and she is cherished. No matter what, I'll find a way to celebrate that tomorrow -- with or without her. I hope you can find a way to enjoy being mother again. I do understand your pain. Sometimes, though, we get lucky and things to get better. [/QUOTE]
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